What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Don’t Take Me Literary
If you’re fortunate enough to own a copy of The Perils of Heavy Thinking, you already know that “Classic” is just a fancy word for “Old.” This explains why guys like JB Hogan prefer to be called a “Classic Geezer” as opposed to using the other adjective.
“Classic” is also gender friendly. When referring to the gentler sex, I recommend using it as a noun, as in “She’s a Classic.” This allows the reader to inject any word of their choosing at the end of the statement to more clearly define the female in question.
If this is your first visit to Friday Flash Fiction, our 100 word guru is Confuse-us Yogini Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a box in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block, click here.
PHOTO PROMPT © Magaly Guerrero
The Resource Center contained a series of primitive publications. People of my generation refer to them as books.
I scanned the shelf expecting to find works by Patrick McManus, Dave Barry, and that guy from Arkansas who thinks he’s so funny. None were there.
A couple of books did catch my attention. One by the Brothers Grimm, whom I surmised went on to become famous reapers, and another by person named Longfellow.
By the sound of his name, I concluded he was either a very tall individual or a porn star. Either way, I’m not sure the content would be appropriate for impressionable young minds.
59 Comments on “Don’t Take Me Literary”
Leave a reply to rgayer55 Cancel reply
Purchase ‘One Idiot Short of a Village’
Purchase ‘The Perils of Heavy Thinking’
What's So Funny? 
Great fun, Russell
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Thanks, Neil. We “Classics” just like to have fun.
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Hahah – loved this one 😀
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Hahaha- what fun piece this.
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Glad you enjoyed it.
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hehe! Yes, what ever happened to those big papery things? 😀
(I have a copy of Gardiner’s Art on my papery things shelf! Love the shoes!)
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The shoes are cool, but I’m afraid they’d slip right off your fins.
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A mermaid can dream…….:)
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Thanks for the laugh–and I will always love real books more than ereaders.
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Me too.
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Dear Mr. Classic,
For some reason my mind flashed to Robert Taylor in The Time Machine when one of the Eloi shows him ancient books. He opens one and it crumbles in his hand. I find that some of the classics make great doorstops. As always you’ve taken the literary path less traveled and even eschewed.
Shalom,
Confuse-us Yogini
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Gach! That should be Rod Taylor. This is what happens when you’re a classic. 😉
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Not only do you Confuse-us, you even Confuse-yourself. 🙂
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No one will ever confuse me with Wm. Snakeshearer. “Hark, what through yonder outhouse window flies, tis the crescent moon and pages torn from a Monkey & Ward catalog.”
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I am indeed a classic myself and I am loving this. 🙂
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“very tall…or a porn star” <3!
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I suppose he could be both.
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*chuckles*
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I’m glad you went the book route instead of the shoe path. A truly funny tale. Thanks.
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Oh? I could probably write about a foot fetish if given the proper inspiration.
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I suspect this particular Resource Center would group the works of Longfellow next to the collected quotes of my former Drill Instructor, Gunnery Sergeant Prada-Butts–also not appropriate for impressionable young minds.
Russell, you are the master of cackles.
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I bet I’d get a cackle reading Prada-Butts. Sounds like a good character name to work into a story. 🙂
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I got all distracted from commenting because I had to look up Longfellow and found him so interesting… anyway, I love this. Great fun. I love books, both kinds. I can carry my library in my purse. Gone the days when I had nothing to read…
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I understand sales of erotica soared once eBooks came out. The curious reader no longer had to suffer the embarrassment of buying them at a bookstore, and you can read them in public without anyone judging you by what’s printed on the cover.
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I always associate classic with cars in my mind. My town has a classic car festival. I’ve always been busy those weekends, but I do enjoy watching some of them drive into town.
The story was hysterical. It reminded me of an article I read where someone pranked the library at their school by rearranging the volumes of the World Book Encyclopedia so that the displayed letters on the spine would spell out something NSFW.
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I attended a car show last weekend. I enjoy classic cars, classic films, and even some classic people.
Speaking of the World Book, I understand they printed their last set a couple of years ago. That’s sad. What a wonderful resource they were, but a heck-of-a-lot slower than Google.
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That’s a bit of my childhood gone! My children will never understand the struggle. 😀
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Ha! Ha! That Longfellow reference cracked me up. Suddenly in the light of your revelations the following lines are confirming what you wrote.
“The heights by great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight, but they, while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night.”
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That sounds like those porn stars. Always toiling upward in the night.
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HA HA … abit of a tongue-in-cheeck at the end. LOVED IT !!!
Isadora 😎
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Nice to see you here, Isadora. I’m glad you got a chuckle from this little tale.
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ha ha!
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You’re a woman of few words.
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Quite amusing. My favorite line was “I scanned the shelf expecting to find works by Patrick McManus, Dave Barry, and that guy from Arkansas who thinks he’s so funny.” 🙂
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Mine too. Thanks for picking up on that. 🙂
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‘We call them books’. Fortunately books have survived the digital revolution – so far.
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According to some recent statistics, books have bounced back. I think the eBook has carved out its slice of the market and leveled off.
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A twisted tale once again. Hard to believe we live in a world where a book by Patrick McManus and Dave Barry would be considered classic.
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I wouldn’t be writing this stuff today if it wasn’t for Patrick McManus, and Dave Barry signed my copy of his book “I’ll Mature When I’m Dead” — For Russell, my Idol.
War & Peace may be considered a classic, but it makes a better doorstop, if you ask me.
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As my long suffering wife might say, “Oy!”
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and I thought my wife was the only one who was long-suffering. Looks like those poor, sweet gals have a lot in common.
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Oh man… I, too, am glad you went the book route… I think!
You crack me up…
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I think there were enough shoe stories this week with me resoling the subject. Besides, we generally go barefoot in Arkansas.
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I had no shoes either…
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People of my generation refer to Resource Centers as “Libraries.” But one cannot stand in the way of progress.
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You’re right, Kathy. Today’s libraries are far more than a repository for books.
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that longfellow seems like a strange fellow to me. i guess dave barry was after their time. 🙂
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If you haven’t read any Dave Barry, I highly recommend that you do. Especially, if you enjoy side-splitting, laugh-out-loud humor.
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actually, i have a couple of his books. he’s the best.
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Well, he’s the best East of the Mississippi. Further west you get into my territory.
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Great. There’s so much innate comedy when someone gets things oh so wrong. Loved it
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Getting it wrong really sets the stage for great comedy. Where would Laurel & Hardy, Abbott & Costello, or the Honeymooners been without it.
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I think you excelled yourself here. 🙂
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Thank you, Yarnspinner.
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Great laughs. I’m averting my eyes from all things Longfellow.
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Oh, come on. You’re curious now. I can see you peeking between those fingers.
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Such a fun read. One might call it classic.
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Give it another 50 years and we’ll see.
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Love the name Longfellow! 😁
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