What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
The Shoe Sale
Occasionally, I’ll watch a cooking show on TV. The chef will combine a large number of hard-to-find ingredients then sauté, braise, broil, deep-fry, or bake the delicacy to perfection. It never turns out lopsided, burnt to a crisp, or looking like you scraped it off the road. (They must be using with a different wine.)
My least favorite part of the show is when they sample and rave about how delicious it is. Just once, I’d like to see the chef get a shocked look on his/her face, rush over to the sink, spit out the food, and declare, “Damn, that tastes like shit!” Now, that would be reality cooking at its best.
If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Keebler Elf of 100 word stories is Betty “”Wanna” Cracker Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly escapade of madness, waddle over to her hollow tree for instructions. To rent a box in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
PHOTO PROMPT © Sarah Potter
“Did you hear about the sale down at Bunions?” The excitement in Chrissy’s voice bubbled through the phone.
“No, but I love a good sale. A girl can’t have too many shoes.” Bev’s sandal-clad toes wiggled with anticipation.
“Amen, sister. And this is their annual two-for-the-price-of-three sale. They’re also having a hurricane special on a new line of shoes called Irma that are imported from Florida.”
“Wow, this sounds too good to be true.” Bev giggled.
“Yeah, and get this,” Chrissy whispered. “They come pre-molded. They’ll fit in perfectly with the other two hundred pair aging in my closet.”
83 Comments on “The Shoe Sale”
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What's So Funny? 
Ah, funny! I like how molded can working for fitting the feet or being moldy. Good one.
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We used to have an attic fan that would suck in the cool, moist, night air. Leather goods, and shoes in particular, would get moldy in the closet. Pre-molding will save a lot of time. 🙂
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I own three pairs of serviceable shoes (not counting the garden shoes I keep in the garage) and two pairs I got from my Dad.
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Better watch it, James. Chrissy or Bev will be trying to buy you out. Don’t be surprised if they offer you twice or three times what the shoes are worth. These ladies are COLLECTORS.
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Loved the enthusiasm of your Imelda-Marcos-wannabe. This tale is all too true! 🙂
“Bev’s toes wiggled in her sandal-clad feet.” doesn’t really work, though. Take away the adjective and you have “Bev’s toes wiggled in her feet.”
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Great point, Christine. I will rework that sentence. Thanks for bringing that to my attention.
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Good catch and good fix!
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Dear Buster Brown,
What a great sale! Two for the price of three! I’m galloping down to the local Pay More Shoe Store to get shod with my Irmas. (I’m one of the 4 out of 3 who have trouble with Math.). Love your introduction, too. While I’m not a cooking show fan, I used to love watching Graham Kerr get sloshed while cooking. And who could resist that sexy chortle as he swallowed his masterpieces? Rachel Rae doesn’t quite cut it the same way. Not even Emeril could reproduce that charm. Bam! What was a saying? Shoes. Oh year. A story with plenty of sole.
Shaom,
Betty “Wanna” Cracker W(T)F
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Dear Betty “Wanna” Cracker W(T)F
I can see you’re the kind of gal who’s always on the lookout for a bargain. Did I mention that Bunions has a great line of sneakers in purple? They’re on sale this week at 1 for the price of 2. What a deal!
As for the cooking shows, I was a big fan of Justin Wilson myself. He always cooked with wine. Sometimes he even put it in the foods. Today’s chefs can’t measure up to him and Graham.
See you at the hollow tree,
Buster Brown
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The pre-molded shoes is a great invention… you can actually throw them away at once. Almost as good as the combined printer and shredder for printing out confidential documents.
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Now, if they’ll just invent a program that destroys my FFF post just as it goes live we’ll really be in business.
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The opportunities are endless… imagine how many traffic accidents we could avoid if cars had no engines, speed kills…
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We could pedal them like Fred Flintstone.
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I’m not sure the Irma shoe will ever take off…
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Oh, just wait until you see their line of strapless boots, Iain. You’ll want two pair.
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The vision of her wiggling toes really made me chuckle! And as for a shoe shop called Bunions…! Brilliant.
Click to read my FriFic!
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Those toes were giddy at the mere mention of shoe shopping.
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Two for the price of three. Got to get some of those shoes. In fact my husband would say I already have. Good one, Russell.
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Like Bev said, “A girl can’t have too many shoes.”
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Hahaha I think I’ll skip that sale.
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I don’t think you want to pass this one up, Mandie. Just think of all the outfits you won’t want to wear them with.
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Oh, the possibilities. 😁
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Love the name of the store, the extra special sale and the wonderful idea of per-molded shoes.
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I think you’d look really stylish in a set of Irma’s, Alicia. They’d fit right in nicely in the great northwest.
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pre-molded, dang it!
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No problem. Pre- or per- molded…same effect. 😉
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No more waiting months for the mold to appear when you could be using that musty closet space for something else.
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Pre-molded! That cracked me up. Good one, Russell.
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There is an extra charge for the cobwebs, though.
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Do they come with live spiders? I’d like a pair then 😉
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Pre-moulded is no more outlandish than wearing distressed jeans…as for shoes, if the shoe fits, buy it in every colour!
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Bunions likes the way you think, Penny.
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Two for the price of three? Yeah…..
What you need is the reality cooking show’s outtake real. I mean reel.
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Yeah, I’d love to see some of their outtakes. I’ve seen some from fishing shows that were hilarious.
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Love the 2 for the price of 3 sale! We mermaids are shoe enthusiasts when on land so I almost fell for it.
Hilarious as always! 😀
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I bet they even have some that would fit Henri.
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This will be even funnier after I start cooking with wine. I’m working on a new series of recipes that require you to drink the best wine available while not wasting any in the dish.
Cheers,
Tracey
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I knew my intro this week would strike a chord with you, Tracey.
I’ve found that with wine as my cooking partner, I really don’t give a shit how the food turns out, and if hungry enough, will eat anything from cardboard to bicycle tires.
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A shoe store named “Bunions”? I would have never shopped there in my younger years but now…absolutely! Pre-molded orthotics sounds perfect! 😉
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Yes, and for a whole lot extra money you can get two pairs.
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What a deal what a deal!
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Oh, Imelda Marcos, where are you now? A shoe sale for you!
Well done, sir! I laughed at the “pre-molded” description.
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thanks for the kind words, Miles. Glad you enjoyed the pre-molded option.
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I am with you on the cooking shows. I don’t taste my stuff on my videos because I think it’s stupid! Oh wait… Mick did convince me to take a bite of my biscotti – but he did pour me a glass of wine to dunk it in…
As for the shoes… one for every outfit for sure!
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I’m sure your cooking is delicious, Dale. Connie has made some good biscotti. I didn’t try dunking it in wine. Did you take communion with it. 🙂
Now all you have to do is find an outfit to match the shoes.
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You should try it. It’s delicious and very Italian to do. They dunk in their sweet vin santo but frankly, any one is good!
Yep. More shopping (by the way, I actually loathe it!)
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Hilarious, Russell. Are pre-molded shoes anything like pre-washed jeans? It seems we’re not happy with anything that looks too new except cars which have to both look and smell new. Most probably don’t know that the “new” smell is actually formaldehyde which is linked to things that have passed on. 😀 — Suzanne
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I find it odd that people pay outrageous prices for jeans and t-shirts that look like they just lost a fight with a weedeater. I believe they call them “distressed.” My mother would have called them rags.
How ironic that the “new” car smell is linked to death. That comment made me laugh.
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Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
The hilarious views of Russell.
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That’s very sweet of you, Suzanne. I’m flattered, and appreciate it very much.
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What a riotous story… followed by an encore of riotous comments. There is a show here. A sale for sure. Not Hairspray, I’m thinking Shoe-stay.
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Thanks, Kelvin. It might make a nice skit for Saturday Night Live. It would be interesting to see what else they have to offer at Bunions.
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This made me laugh!
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Excellent. Mission accomplished.
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Hurricane salvaged shoes… now that, I do believe. Great story! Thanks for the laugh, really needed it.
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The Hurricane Sale seemed appropriate based on our recent weather. I’m glad it gave you a smile.
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hubby commented the other night that we got the new car just in time. We don’t have to worry that it’s been water-logged. 🙂
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He’s right. You’re not the first to mention the automotive “bargains” coming out of Houston and Florida.
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There is so much that rings true in this. I love the line”two-for-the-price-of-three sale.” Great take on the prompt.
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Thanks, Cindy. All you have to do is call it a sale and people will think it’s a bargain.
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do they sell men’s shoes, too? if they do, i’d be interested if they sell online. 🙂
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I bet you’re looking for some boots, aren’t you Cowboy?
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I’m always impressed when a man can write such a believable conversation between women 🙂
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Thank you for the lovely compliment, Linda. I’ve written several short stories under the pseudonym of Rachel Crofton. One of them, “Black Friday Shopping Tips” will be in my upcoming book.
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!
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Lost that last comment I tried to post. What I said was, James Patterson is a genius at writing from the female point of view. I thought of him when I read your story. And congrats on your book!
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Wow, now I AM blushing. 🙂
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Soooo funny!
Bunions! Two-for-the-price-of-three! Irma! ROFL!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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From what I hear, customers are lined up 9 or 8 deep.
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Okkkk. Guess everything is in the reverse!😊😊😊
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I’m just mocking the Cajuns from southern Louisiana. Example: “He musta went by here five or foo times.”
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Two for the price of three rings all too ture, Russell. Clever as ever!
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They’re a bargain at any price, Liz.
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It doesn’t get any better than two for the price of three! No, wait a mo…
“Bunions” – good name for a shoe shop!
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I’ve heard this is where Cinderella got her famous “grass” slippers too.
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No wonder they say ‘mould is gold’. Truly a story with a sole.
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You can make our own penicillin with these shoes.
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Nice sale! Even better than buy one and put the matching one on layaway for a small fee.
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Ah, yes. Layaway. I knew people who used to put their entire Christmas shopping list on layaway.
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Very funny, Russell 🙂 I can imagine that 200 pairs of shoes could smell like a cheese factory! By the way, a tip for anyone who likes to keep their shoes free of mold (spelled “mould” in the UK), I store my shoes in the cardboard boxes they came in. The boxes look very neat and colourful piled up on the base of my metal hanging rail for clothes. No wardrobes for me, as I live on the coast where things get extra mouldy if you don’t watch it.
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Thanks for the tip, Sarah. We used to use an attic fan in the summer. It sucked in a lot of moist air and things were bad to mould in the closet.
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Ha! Cutting but true of many people. With women it might be high heels, but with young blokes it might be trainers – that weird obsession is the same. I don’t get it myself – I live in one pair of trainers until they fall off!
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