Spin Cycle

There was a letter to the editor in our local paper last week regarding TV drug ads. The author had watched numerous “wonder drug” ads and decided he wanted to feel the same joy, contentment, and fun times as the people in those ads.

He went to his doctor and asked for the drugs. His doctor refused to prescribe them because our friend didn’t have any of the illnesses the medication was designed to treat—but, he did recommend a doctor who would prescribe them (wasn’t that helpful?).

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the voodoo witch doctor who is always willing to prescribe 100-word stories is Marie Laveau Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here. Bring a live sacrifice for payment.

copyright – J Hardy Carroll

“Mr. Crabappleton,” began Father Kowalski, “Say I, pronounce your full name and repeat after me the oath of your office.”

“I, Delbert Q. Crabappleton* . . .”

“Do hereby solemnly swear.”

“Do hereafter sit-in-de-chair”

“To faithfully execute the office of Goodwill Ambassador”

“To flick-a-flea on de cute officer of who-let-de-cat-indoors”

“To the best of my ability, so help me God.”

“To divest of my infidelity—wid’ no help from Maude—fer sure.

Father Kowalski exhaled in a long, drawn-out sigh. Turning, he looked at the mayor.

“Close enough?”

“Yeah, I think he got the gist of it,” said Mayor Peterson.


*not his real name. To find out who really got the job as Village Idiot in One Idiot Short of a Village you’ll have to read the book, which can be ordered here

 

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53 Comments on “Spin Cycle

  1. Yep… sounds about right.
    And, how very nice of the doctor to give him the name of a not-so-legit one to get him to his drugs…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Delbert,

    Given recent events in the high office of Missouri, I wonder if someone else didn’t take the same oath. Ah, the voodoo you do so well…please leave the myna bird chained to my cauldron and take two chicken feet out of petty cash.

    Shalom,

    Marie Laveau W(T)F

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dear Marie Laveau W(T)F,

      One of our elected senators (Tom Cotton) appears to be deaf–we already knew he was dumb. Somebody told that goofy looking boy that if he kissed enough ass and licked the right boots he’d be in the White House someday. He’s already proved his infidelity to the home state voters on numerous occasions.

      Wow, only one myna bird and change too? This is better than McDonalds.

      Delbert Q.

      Like

  3. I loved the oath of office. The Goodwill Ambassador must not be an office the city doesn’t care about much. GOOD ENOUGH must be the city motto. I’ve heard of those doctors who prescribe “happy drugs”. He should go to California. I heard a lot of those citizens are becoming considerably happier. Funny stuff, Russell. All the best with your latest book. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

    • Goodwill Ambassador is just a politically correct name for Village Idiot. We have plenty of those in office right now.

      Growing up, the only drug ads on TV were for over-the-counter stuff like Bayer Aspirin, Pepto Bismol, etc. Today, the airwaves are flooded with ads for prescription drugs. The other night, we were watching a show and they ran four drug commercials in a row. It’s ridiculous. Too much narcotics. The drug companies just keep getting richer and more powerful.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. From the actions of certain people who have taken oaths of office we might be forgiven for imagining that yours was the oath they swore. Nice little satire, Russell

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I was sitting in my Dr’s office this morning reading some links and your post was most timely. 🤔
    I told him I wanted something to give me lots of pep and joy, etc. He said, “Some people try marijuana.” 🙃
    As to your Goodwill Ambassador, I wouldn’t send him out to pick up snacks for the office staff.

    Like

    • At least marijuana doesn’t have a lengthy list of nasty side effects like most of the pharmaceutical drugs. The primary warning is “don’t get stoned before going to the grocery store” which leads to excessive spending on cookies, cakes, chips, donuts, moon pies, etc.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I love that name -Mr. Crabappleton.🙂
    I would definitely recommend your stories to a one who is feeling low.
    Delightful and wonderfully written, as always.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Maybe I’ll use Crabappleton in a future story. I didn’t want to give away the real idiot’s name in this snippet.
      Thanks for the wonderful comment (blush). That was very sweet of you, Moon.

      Liked by 1 person

    • We have a pretty medicated society already, let’s not make it worse.
      This Goodwill Ambassador doesn’t need any drugs. He’s already there without any.

      Like

  7. I am really worried for the ‘de cute officer of who-let-de-cat-indoors’ because I feel Delbert has ideas about his new role that differ markedly from others. Lets hope the Father and the Mayor can keep him in line 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Delbert is actually a true gentlemen who would never take advantage of a lady. However, he and a “corn-fed” girl do share a mutual attraction in the book.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. This is so clever and funny, Russell. Despite what Mr. Crabapple “lost in translation,” I found him a lovable Goodwill-Ambassador-to-be. 🙂

    Like

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