Partners in Lobotomy

I’ve discovered the secret to being late. Leave early. It’s that simple. When there’s plenty of time to spare, your brain immediately tries to fill that void with a distraction or task that should only take a few minutes, but in reality takes five times as long as you imagined.

Therefore, if it’s critical that you arrive on time, I recommend leaving late. This will elevate your stress level and keep you so focused you won’t have time for stoplights, tollbooths, flat tires, and other annoying distractions. Drive like hell—You’ll get there.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our librarian in lavender, who keeps a close rein on the 100-word limit, is Fanny B. Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright – Jan Wayne Fields

Partners in Lobotomy

genre – Parody

 

Dear Dr. Strangeglove,

I never dreamt I would become a writer. Now I are one.

Thanks to your amazing medical procedure, I’m now one soul with half a brain.

Whoever said ignorance is bliss wasn’t kidding. Ever since the icepick surgery I’ve been as happy as a five-year-old.

To celebrate, I propose we put on our Sunday clothes and dance in a mud puddle. Afterwards, we can cut out some cardboard wings and hang-glide off Mt. Nebo.

I plan to write a book on how wonderful it is to be thought-free–as soon as I find my crayons.

Forever lamebrain,

Corky


* I don’t usually read other’s posts before writing mine, but the title of our Fearless Leader’s story was just begging for a little satire and parody.

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83 Comments on “Partners in Lobotomy

  1. Dear Corky,

    I never dreamt I’d be sparring with an Arkansas Redneck on such a regular basis. One soul without a single thought. I propose we scale Mt. Tabula Rasa and explore new species of vacancies. You have made me laugh. I confess. I hid your crayons in my invisible box alongside my ripped-off tag collection.

    Shalom,

    Fanny B. W(T)F

    Liked by 5 people

  2. Hey Corky,
    It seems that you have not read my book, C. E. Ayr’s Varying Number of Rules of the Universe, which states that everything expands to fill all available space and/or time.
    So, regardless of when you start, you should always arrive just in time to be too late.
    For reasons that I have no time to explain, this book has not yet been published.
    Yours lobotomically

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well, they do say ignorance is bliss and at this rate Corky should be the most blissful of beings on the planet. I like your answer to arriving late and shall employ it from now on at every opportunity. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I was reading the comments in the Yahoo news the other day and I realize a large number of folks have enjoyed the bliss of icepick surgery. I’m often jealous of them, so unaware of those elusive bogeymen known as facts. Perhaps life would be easier to understand if one simply refused to analyze it. *sigh*

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “When there’s plenty of time to spare, your brain immediately tries to fill that void with a distraction or task that should only take a few minutes, but in reality takes five times as long as you imagined.” In my case, I’m still working on a last minute task I thought I would finish on May 25, 2013 by 5:25. Russell, your truth goes marching on!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I was about to write – what? Is this letter-writing week? Then I read your comment that you just had to lean on the lavender one…

    There are a few people I know who could use such icepick surgery… It may just make them nicer peeps…

    Liked by 2 people

    • That’s one of my all-time favorite movies (right up there with Dumb & Dumber). I love the way Steve and Michael Caine played off each other.

      Maybe all those folks who lack self-confidence should give a lobotomy a try.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, it’s a fantastic film and in my opinion it stands the test of time – I watched it again recently and Steve upping the stakes and appearing in that wheelchair gets me every time.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I can’t wait for this book. I imagine it will be colourful, quick to read and very insightful. And Corky’s right, it is can be wonderful to be thought-free 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Haha “I never dreamt I would become a writer. Now I are one.” I’m not sure which was more amusing, your intro, your story, or your comments. Hilarity all around.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Funny you should say that. I’ve been told that some people visit my blog just to read the comments. It’s also my favorite part. I love interacting with the readers and have built some great friendships over the years–including yours. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m now one soul with half a brain This is how I feel most daze! Thanks for putting it into words. (I’m one of those “get there earlier than late” kind of gals. I’ve spent many, many minutes waiting in waiting rooms, Have I learned a lesson. NOPE!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I hate it when you schedule an appointment, then have to wait 30 to 45 minutes (doctor’s office, etc.). On the other hand, I don’t like to be herded through like a neutered bovine either. I guess there’s just no pleasing me. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • My motto is, the more you know, the more you’re held accountable for.
      As it is, people say, “Bless his heart, he doesn’t know any better.”

      Like

  10. Addressing the late issue, it’s elementary. Mum always said ‘better late than never,’ which gives you plenty of time really. (Unless you’re terminally ill with a timetable from the doctor)
    Lobotomy sometimes sounds so attractive.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Your advice is hilariously true! It really works. I hope Dr Strangeglove discourages him from the cardboard wing gliding but joins him in jumping puddles. Loved this.😂

    Liked by 1 person

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