The Joys of Watching Moss

Since retiring, I’ve had to brush up on some of the skills I hadn’t used in a while. There’s always something to do around here and it’s really helps to be incompetent. If not, chances are I’ll be assigned more chores than I care to perform.

Being incompetent takes a lot of forethought and planning for most people, but for me, it just seems to come naturally. When I size up a task or project, I don’t even have to think about how to screw it up. It just happens. How’d I get to be so lucky?

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the cat-herder who drives this clowder of 100-word authors is Jessie Chisholm Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright – Sandra Crook

You know what I love best about being a professional moss watcher, Rochelle? It requires such a high level of focus and Zen-like concentration that I sometimes fall into a meditative trance. Has that ever happened to you?

More times than I can count, Sandra. Last week, I got so caught up in the action that pigeons mistook me for a statue. It took three days to get the white washed out of my hair, and girl at Belton Laundry refused to clean the last blouse I took in. Nowadays, you’ll never catch me watching moss without a hat.



36 Comments on “The Joys of Watching Moss

  1. Dear Cletus Hardway,

    Judging from pictures of your projects on Facebook, I’m sure Connie’s got you figured out. Definitely not incompetentis mentus. Retirement doesn’t leave a lot of time for belly button lint gathering, does it?
    Rochelle does mime a pretty good statue. 😉 And we all know a rolling moss gathers no stones. Now back to the herd. Hya, Tabby! Ho, Bucky! Onward, Garfield!


    Jessie Chisholm W(T)F

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Jessie Chisholm W(T)F,

      You should know better than to believe everything you see on the internet. Pictures can easily be altered using tools like PhotoShop. That woman has spent a lifetime correcting my errors, and Lord knows, it’s been a thankless job.

      I’d think you’d make a better garden gnome than a statue, but I guess it doesn’t matter to the pigeons.

      Good luck with the laundry,
      Cletus Hardway

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I think you try to convince us you are incompetent so’s Connie leaves you alone. Sorry, Chump. Ain’t gonna happen. ‘Sides, it’s what keeps ya young at heart!

    As for the whole watching moss? I’ll leave it to the professionals. I’ve beams to jump off of!

    Liked by 1 person

    • (Please see my reply to Jessie Chisholm above.) I spent my entire work career faking it and having others pick up the slack for me. Turning simple matters into complex challenges is not as easy as I make it look.

      You’re wise to leave the moss watching to professionals. It requires a lot of self-discipline and stamina–both of which I find in short supply.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Personally (it is so hard to be impersonal about matters close to the heart) I find moss watching an overly strenuous activity.
    It requires eyes to be open.
    I prefer to find a nice stone and listen to it grow.
    I can do this for hours without a rest.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Moss watching sounds like something I should try one of these days, I’ll make sure to wear a hat.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m totally with you in the incompetency stakes, after two major cock-ups with passport and ferry ticket this year, I’m off holiday duties completely. Need to work on the painting and decorating though.
    Moss watching has always been dangerous, they should know better.


  6. Ha! Ha! A professional moss watcher! Is that like an Instagram Influencer?

    I also hear that Kate Moss and Mick Jagger got together once thus disproving the old saying that a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.


  7. It certainly takes a lot of skill to screw up the simplest of tasks… do you teach any courses on that subject? I keep not screwing things up, and people are giving me more and more to do! I have no time left to watch moss. 😦


  8. Watching moss may be a small half-step above watching paint dry. Goodness. You took us from the excitement of so many of today’s offerings right to the yucky reality of seagulls who have no respect for us humans who don’t belong on their beaches, anyway 🙂


  9. Creative take on the prompt as always. Hmmm, I think my husband uses the “I don’t know how to do that” card a bit too often as well. But, at least you are good at it! =)


  10. Incompetency is an art. I find I’m perfecting it as I grow older. And the thing about pigeon poo? It damn well hurts when delivered from a dizzying height.


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