What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
The Idiot Express
I heard a great piece of advice last week. “Don’t waste time judging yourself. Plenty of people are already doing that, and you don’t want to put any of them out of work.”
Just think of the freedom that statement offers. Now, instead of worrying about your own stupidity and social gaffes, you can stop beating yourself up and focus on something more productive, like what shade of purple to dye that unruly lock of hair that tends to flop down over your left eye.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the capable engineer who keeps this train from derailing is Kacey Jones Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
“You seem to have forgotten the goal of our little endeavor,” Fish said.
“Guys like Ole Birdsong aren’t graduates from Miss Manner’s School of Sophistication and Etiquette. They rarely consult their brains before opening their mouths. They’re carefree, unpredictable, and totally devoid of common sense. That’s why they’re called idiots. You should be thrilled we found such an outstanding candidate who has the talent and ability to catapult Nasal Falls from a tiny hamlet to a village.”
Rip smirked. “I’m fine with being catapulted, I just don’t like the form of internal combustion he’s using to shoot us to the other side.”
*the above is an excerpt from “One Idiot Short of a Village.”
43 Comments on “The Idiot Express”
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What's So Funny? 
Dear Rip,
Funny you should mention that purple dye for the unruly lock of hair. I’ve been contemplating. This begs the other question…which unruly lock should I choose? I can only imagine what internal combustion must mean. No need for a whoopee cushion, eh? Definitely no input from Miss Manners.
Shalom,
Kacey Jones W(T)F
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Dear Kacey Jones W(T)F,
In your case, I’d select a lock that dangles from under you little beret and hangs down over your snow-white forehead. It would give you that “Supermime” look that’s so rarely seen in Walmart these days.
As for Ole, the poor guy can’t help himself. He adheres to the old adage, “It’s better break wind and bear the shame than to hold it and bear the pain.”
Ah, evening at Walmart . . .
Rip Skinflint
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Too picky for a small hamlet like Nasal Falls, I’d say.
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You’re right, Sandra. For the people of Nasal Falls, Ole Birdsong is nothing to turn up their noses and sniff at.
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Ole Birdsong sounds he should be in charge of a country, never mind only a village.
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I think you’re right, Iain. He has all the qualifications for a higher calling.
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Two stories that are too funny! Off to buy purple hair dye 😀
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Which lock are you planning to color?
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The left one to start. 🙂
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it’s so true. you can’t say it any better. 🙂
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What’s true? The judging part?
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Birdsong for president, I say!
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He’s got a good shot at that office. Now, if he can only learn to believe his own lies.
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Hey, Ole Birdsong is now Prime Minister of the pathetic and corrupt UK government!
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Actually, there is an amazing physical resemblence.
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Hey! I just read about Ole! I think he sounds more like he should be from Newfoundland, by the way… And I really liked him, despite his, err… situation 😉
As for the purple locks, why the hell not? Life’s too short to be wasting your time wondering what others think.
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Well Dale, if you’ve read the book you know he’s from Canada. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but a very likable guy.
Instead of purple, why not try neon blue? I think it would look ravishing on you!
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Yeah I know…and the accent you’ve given him, works for Thunder Bay but even better as a Newfie…
My fave colour is orange but don’t think I’d like it as hair. Blue? Why not?
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Wow, you know a lot about Ole. Thanks for reading the book. I hope you found Slim Svenson interesting as well, don’t chya know.
I look forward to the photo of you with a blue lock.
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I like your first sentiment, don’t waste time judging yourself because others do it so well. Getting older has its perks. I don’t give a “hoo-ha” about what others think of me (more or less). =) You write such entertaining posts!
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Thank you for such kind words, Brenda. I’ll give you 30 minutes to stop saying stuff like that. 🙂
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Thanks, now I know what to do with that unruly lock of hair that’s driving me batty. Although, I’m thinking hot pink ought to do it. hehe! I turned the tv off today, tired of watching the Idiot’s Express series…
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I like hot pink too.
Yes, that was quite a circus, with multiple idiots shouting just to hear the sound of their own voices.
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Purple lock? I was thinking of a blue rinse all over.
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That made me laugh. But at my age, people refer to me as a blue-hair too.
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An inspiring quote, Russell. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about Ole Birdsong.
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Thank you, Fatima. Ole certainly has his faults, but then don’t we all?
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Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
Two more stories for the price of FREE. If you like politics you can read the comments as an added benefit. There are more of the same if you just head north, to the right, then click on one or both of the book covers. Russell would also appreciate it if you reblog as I’ve done.
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Ole Birdsong is quite a character. He even carries about him his own self-defense weapon. Who needs a gun? 😀 — Suzanne
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Who needs a gun when you’ve got a lethal natural weapon?
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Thanks again, Suzanne. I glad you found this one “reblog worthy.”
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Nice humor
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Thank you, Larry.
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This had me chucking. Good stuff!
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Thanks, Tannille. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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Today Nasal Falls – tomorrow … ??? Watch out world – there are a few idiots on the loose.
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A human cannon ball is it? It will certainly bring some business.
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Maybe all of us Friday Fictioneers can dye a strand of hair purple as a sign of solidarity. As for those with no hair, well… maybe a purple tattoo on the scalp?
Warn me when Ole Birdsong activates his internal combustion system, will ya? I’ll keep the windows closed.
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Your story made me smile but your intro spoke to my soul. I’ve been beating myself up rather severely lately. Thanks for the inspiring words.
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Ah, that makes me feel good, Dawn. We are too too hard on ourselves. Sometimes we need to give ourselves a break.
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Thanks Russell.
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I love that a village must have its idiot to ascend from being a mere hamlet.
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Very fun. Great humour.
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