What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Incognito
I don’t know how many of you are superstitious, but according to my calendar, today is Wednesday the 13th. I know it doesn’t sound as ominous as Friday the 13th, but hey, just wait a couple of days and Friday will be here.
This morning, I sent an email request to a couple of well-known Jewish Know-it-alls asking on which day of creation G-d made Gentiles. Obviously, it was a complicated process as we come in a variety of sizes, shapes, and colors. He couldn’t just make a single set of molds and crank out a few million Gentiles like He did with the “Chosen People.”
So far, no answer, but keep checking the comments as we move along. I’m sure they’ll respond soon. Right now, one of them is scouring the Torah while the other is plucking nose hair and ear wax to create a mystic “Ball of Knowledge” that will reveal the answer to all questions great & small.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Uber driver of this bus (who peeks through the steering wheel, not over it) is Ralphetta Kramden Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Lowry sighed. “Since they plastered my glamour shot on TV, I’ve not been anxious to go out in public. Some a-hole might recognize me and give me crap about mimes. I don’t need assault and battery added to my rap sheet right now.”
“You won’t have to.” Blockson handed him a bag. “I brought you these.”
In the bag, Lowry found a pair of horned-rimmed glasses and a beat-up, Kansas City Chiefs baseball cap.
“I picked those up at the Thrift Shop,” said Blockson. “Now, you’ll look like every other bum standing on a street corner scrounging for handouts.”
*the above is an excerpt from Criminal Mimes
43 Comments on “Incognito”
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What's So Funny? 
Dear Colton,
I’m picturing it. Criminal mimes everywhere are laughing with you. Okay…at. Better keep a low profile which might be difficult for Blockson. 😉
About time you showed up. To da moon!
Good for you for seeking the advice of the experts. What one of them knows could fill a thimble and leave room for lap swimming.
Back to bidness,
Shalom,
Ralphetta Kramden W(T)F
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Dear Ralphetta Kramden W(T)F,
One good thing about Blockson is if it’s raining you can stand under his nose and never get wet, at least from water. I be sure and no let Cousin Theo discuss Blockson’s nose when we get to the set-up scene. We wouldn’t want him to blow it (pun intended).
Hmmm, I wonder which expert you’r talking about? Surely not the one collecting nose hair and ear wax?
Glad to see you’re open for business.
Colton Lowry
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Oh dear, Lowry has hit a low point it seems.
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Yes, like every good story, the hero has to hit rock bottom before he can bounce back.
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In mufti, they call it. Well done
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Thanks, Josh. I had to look Mufti up, because at first I thought it was a small Caribbean island owed by a weathly politician.
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Blockson seems like a good friend but a bit of a misanthrope
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You nailed him, Neil.
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What sort of person beats up a baseball cap?
Okay, it’s the Kansas City Chiefs, but still…
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Sadly, the United States has no laws against abusing articles of clothing or accessories. Still, that doesn’t mean it’s morally right unless of course it’s a Trump 2020 Make America Great hat. In which case, the hat should be pummeled and burned to ashes, and those ashes scattered to the four winds that there might not remain a trace or rememberance of so vile and perjured hat as it would be.
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Hah! That’s one way to get around town.
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One of the dangers of being a celebrity.
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It’s a tough life, I tell ya
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hehehe! Isn’t he wearing his mandatory face mask? 🙂
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True, but the story is pre-coronavirus.
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Criminal Mimes? Nice. Though there are those who feel miming in itself should be criminal.
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You mean it isn’t?
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I don’t quite know what to do with the story itself except to ask: Is “Criminal Mimes” your book, Russell? And how do I get a copy? Now to the question as to when did G-d create gentiles? And how did he manage to do it when he couldn’t even create a middle letter for his own name? It’s sort of like James Bond taking orders from someone named M who won’t even tell anybody the other letters in her name.If I were James Bond I wouldn’t do a damn thing she asks unless she at least lets me spin for more letters. So when did G-d create gentiles? Adam and Eve had no religion despite the fact that many Jews are named Adam and Eve is the kind of name a hot Jewish girl who rejected me 40 years ago might have. So the answer is that everyone was created all at the same time and over time those people who became most neurotic and/or lawyers came to be called Jewish and everybody else came to be gentiles. At least that’s what I think, and I have no idea what I’m talking about.
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Criminal Mimes is the novel I’m working on. I’m sure you’d love the character, Cyrano Blockson, as he’s from the Philadelphia area (how did that happen?).
The one who really upset me in the James Bond movies was that damned Q. He could have at least added and U and E to his name, but again, those are vowels and cost $250 each.
As for the Gentile question, I now know that you are a lawyer, not an H.R. Executive (as you formerly claimed), and suspect I will soon be receiving a bill for legal services as a result of your advice in regard to hot Jewish girls named Eve. Your corned beef on rye is in the mail.
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Actually although I have a legal degree, I spent most of my time in HR, and I wish someone had sent me advice on handling Jewish girls named Eve (and everything else) long ago because I realize too late all the stuff I should have known. (Sigh) Looking forward to Criminal Mimes.
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I’m looking forward to completing Criminal Mimes too.
Yesterday, I was working on chapter 47 when Blockson shanghaied the story so he could flirt with Roxanne. He’d acting like a giddy teenager with raging hormones. You’d think a guy close to your age would have more self-control. But who know, he may still have some lead left in his pencil. 🙂
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Great writing, as always, Russell. I’m SO tempted to float a viable answer to your question, but I worry that folks may think I’m being preachy. Oh, what the hay. Here goes:
The name “Adam”. also translates to “red,” which would have referred to his skin color. Not true, primary red, but an earth-colored, or ochre kind of red. DNA has taught us that people of that particular skin color possess all the genes necessary to come up with a wide variety of skin tones, from far northern pale-skinned blue-eyed blondes to the deepest, darkest-skinned people of much hotter climates. And of course, race is connected to color. Skin, hair, eyes. And when people of different races mingle, you get all sorts of interesting mutations.
Most Jews–and Arabs, consider Abraham the Father of their nation. The Jews trace their lineage from Abraham to Isaac to Jacob and his descendants, while the Arabs follow the line of Abraham to Ishmael and his descendants. Adam and Eve were not Jewish. They were just. . .people.
And that’s probably way more than you really wanted to know 🙂
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No one thinks you’re preachy, Linda. I’m the one who opened this can of worms.
Some told me that the Tower of Babel incident was related to the Jew/Gentile division, but I thought that was more of a language barrier thing, which also came in handy on the day of Pentecost.
I understand that Adam and Ever were “made,” not “chosen” people, but still, He chose to make them. It’s all rather confusing, but totally irrelevant since Jesus opened the door and said ALL people are God’s children.
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Yes indeed, and thank God for that!
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That was intriguing!
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thank you, Susan. I thanks for stopping by. I tried to comment on your site recently, but could not see my comment and don’t know if it posted.
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Hi dear so how do i send you personal email
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Why don a beat-up cap when nowadays a mask can not only hide your face but keep people away from you as well? 😀
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Yes, that would be even more effective. The novel is set in a pre-coronavirus time. I guess a few years from now people will be referring to as PC, sort of like BC and AD.
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I am certainly looking forward to POST-corona 🙂
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Me too.
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I thought of the day the Royals won in 1985 against St. Louis. You’d go by the Budweiser factory where the big vats were and hear, “This beer is going to KC?” (trickle, trickle, trickle). The Bud Light tasted REALLY weird after that.
I read your novel and I was laughing throughout. Yes, I recognized my “alter-ego” in there (I prefer to call it “inspired”). You did, leave out that I did address crowds of thousands — “Popcorn, peanuts, CRRRR-ACK-ER Jack!”
Five out of five balls of ear wax.
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Shelley told me you liked a salty flavor in your beer?
Glad you liked the preview of the novel, Cousin Theo. Perhaps we can get your character a part-time job at Kauffman Stadium to supplement his income.
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Blockson is indeed a good friend.
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Yes, and Lowry didn’t think he was going to like Blockson when they first met. Funny how things turn out.
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i doubt he can stay incognito for long. like the orange man, he longs for the limelight. 🙂
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He’s not as in love with himself as the Orange-haired man, but he is hoping to be a hero, at least in his girlfriend’s eyes.
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A face mask would’ve done the job. 😀
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Nope. Thanks for your comment, Varad.
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To each their fashion, eh? 😉
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I get a feeling he’s still going to get recognised and chased down the street! Great story, Russell
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Yeah … I agree ..
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Not where Blockson it taking him. Thanks for reading and the comment, Lynn.
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