What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Joined at the Lip
Until recently, if you wore a mask into a liquor store people would assume that you were either a robber, or a Baptist hoping a fellow parishioner didn’t recognize you.
Today, thanks to the coronavirus, it’s fashionable for everyone to wear masks in public. All you need is a head to hang it on and a face to attach it to. Despite the fact that the majority of the public can meet this simple criterion, many people are intimidated by the thought of wearing a mask. Don’t be afraid. They don’t hurt. Plus, your mask will never tell your innermost secrets or go bragging to other masks about how many times you wore it in public last week.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the pint-size Superhero who presides over this hallowed institution is The Periwinkle Gnat Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Louise leaned over the backyard fence and called to her neighbor, “Hey, Betty, wanna go—”
“shopping? Sure.” Betty’s eyes lit up. “We can go to TJ Maxx and—”
“then swing by Pancho’s Mexican for lunch—”
“and a couple of Mango Margaritas.” Betty tossed her garden gloves in a chair by the back door. “Just give me a—”
“a minute to freshen up and I’ll meet you at the car,” Louise said.
Betty’s husband shook his head. “Those girls are so close, if one of them took a laxative, they’d both have to go to the bathroom.”
54 Comments on “Joined at the Lip”
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What's So Funny? 
Dear Mister Liza Jane’s Daddy,
Your intro made me roll on the floor, seizing with (I hope) laughter.
I have friends I’m almost that close to. I don’t think I’ll give the laxatives a try through. That would just precipitate more run off. Tanks for a good laugh.
Shalom
The Periwinkle Gnat (‘s whistle) W(T)F
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Dear Periwinkle Gnat W(T)F,
Let’s hope the siezures stop soon. It probably has something to do with your addiction to purple (not enough lavender in your life lately?). Glad to hear you have some friends. Do they know about the mime thing? I bet there’s not a DNR tag left in their house.
Try to stay out of the path of the run-off,
Liza Jane’s Daddy
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Lol great last line!
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Thanks, Sascha. Maybe they’ll pick up some toilet paper while they’re out.
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😀
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Well, there’s an image to leave us with!
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It’s not exactly “powder our noses” is it?
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Nice to read some good downhome wisdom
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Thank you, Neil.
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Funny stuff! Thanks for the boost.
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You’re welcome. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment, Josh.
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Ha! Made me smile so much! And yes, no need to fear the mask – me and my mask have become very close of late. She accompanies me everywhere 🙂
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Mine too. In fact have more than one–but don’t tell Mask #1 about Mask #2. She’ll get jealous.
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And if one laughs, the other holds her sides?
We live in interesting times when it is compulsory to wear a mask to go into a bank…
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Now, if we can only find a bank that actually let’s you come inside.
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Some friends are like that! They complete sentences! The last line is a bit too far! 🙂
Masks are a part of the new normal. Non-robbers also wear them 🙂
A Whole New World – Anita
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Yes, that’s closer than I want to be with my friends–although we do have a two-seat outhouse. Batman and the Lone Ranger wear masks too, just over the wrong part of the faces.
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HAHAHA! Nice to have such a close friend. 😀
My bank solved the mask problem by not allowing anyone inside.
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I guess . . .
No wonder all the stores ran out of toilet paper.
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😀
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Put me in mind of Ethel Mertz and Lucy Ricardo.
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I’m sure Louise and Betty are just as mischievous as Ethel and Lucy.
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LOL! I know some friends like that … And … hey, if you take a laxative, and have to spend a lot of time in the bathroom, might as well have a friend there for company … 😉
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Let’s hope they don’t finish each other’s sentences in there.
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well, ‘s long as they are keeping each other company … 😉
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My problem is that if I wear a mask into a liquor store, people say “Perry, how are you? The usual beer, wine, liquor? And why are you wearing a stupid mask?”
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My guess is, you’re wearing the mask wrong, Perry. It’s supposed to cover your nose and mouth, not the top of your head. That’s where your kippah goes.
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Loved the exchange 🙂 I am guessing the connection to the photo is that they buoy each other up in two side-cars
😕
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Yep, in the photo you can see the two cars connected by solid metal bars. Since these two finish each other’s sentences, they are joined at the lip instead of at the hip. 🙂
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Oh ok.
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Strange times indeed when you are looked at askance for NOT wearing a mask…
As for your story, there’s close and then there’s CLOSE… I draw the line at sharing the bathroom…mind you, with a stall between ’em…
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What I’ve found is that at certain stores a majority of customers wear masks and at others none. I find this disheartening, especially with the rise in cases in Northwest Arkansas.
I’m sure you have some really close friends, Dale. However, I doubt you’ve ever invited someone over to share a roll of toilet paper. 🙂
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It’s weird how some conform and others don’t. I don’t understand why they don’t enforce it more
There is close and there is invasive. Some things should be done alone. I’ll share the paper, not the space!
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Some American’s (I’ll not say which political party they support) are a rebellious and stiff-necked people. They get their panties in a wad worrying about their “rights” but have no consideration at all for the health and well-being of others–even their own family members. Stupid and Sad.
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Like peas in a pod as they pee in a pot!
Here’s mine!
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Well said, Keith.
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hopefully, not too close to make their husbands feel uncomfortable and out of place. 🙂
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Like they say, You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose. 🙂
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Great story. Close friends are such a blessing! Thanks for such a cheering anecdote, Russell!
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You’re right, Penny. Close friends are indeed a blessing. Glad you enjoyed my little tale.
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At the drop-off a glove she’s off. Her husband will have to finish what she started.
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I have a feeling he doesn’t mind.
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Ha sounds like they are like one person… but still you need a two-seater loo don’t you?
Two-seater outhouses do exist in Sweden, and it can be comforting going with a friend…
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I built a two-seater a couple of years ago. My little granddaughters thought it was the greatest thing ever.
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I love my friends…not this much, though. Thanks for the laugh.
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As long as neither one of you takes a laxative things will be fine.
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I’ll bet Betty’s husband is secretly pleased that the two of them are so close. He doesn’t have to go shopping with his wife… woohoo!
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You’re right. Connie had a close friend named Nancy. Unfortunately, Nancy moved to Kentucky. I told her she was being selfish by not taking into consideration what was going to happen to me once she moved. She laughed and went to Kentucky anyway. Now, I have to go shopping . . .
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How selfish of Nancy to move away!
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It looks like they’ve been neighbors for a long, long time. Funny stuff, Russell. 😀 — Suzanne
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Yes, they’re peas from the same pod. 🙂
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Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
If you enjoyed this zany humor, just rise up and swing to the right on this post. Click on one or both of the covers of Russell’s books. If you want to do more to help, reblog this post as I’ve done. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Thanks, Suzanne. Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the reblog and promotion of my books.
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UAE Dirham
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