What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
The Pilgrimage
The pandemic has kept Connie and I spending more time at home and limited our social interaction with family, friends, and neighbors. Fortunately, we’ve been blessed by an outpouring of cards, letters, and phone calls from people we don’t even know.
I’ve been amazed by the number of people on the verge tears who call to tell me of the sleepless nights they’ve spent worrying about the extended coverage on my ’48 Ford truck. And since I became Medicare eligible, I have been overwhelmed by the concern of those offering to help me select a supplemental policy.
I thank the Lord every day for these caring strangers who take time out of their busy day to check on me. I feel pretty special.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the snake oil salesperson who runs this program is Natasha Fatale Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Perry slumped at the picnic table, inconsolable.
The cab ride from Philadelphia had drained him physically, emotionally, and financially. He’d considered offering the cabbie a quarter tip but decided to save it for the coin-operated binoculars on the pier.
According to the directions provided by the emu in the yellow t-shirt and sunglasses, there should be a statue in the harbor and a lady begging to draw his caricature.
He arrived to find no harbor, statue, or lady, and that stupid one-word, jingle kept playing on a loop inside his head.
You only pay for what you need. My ass!
*For those outside the U.S., this story is a parody based on Liberty Mutual Insurance commercials.
29 Comments on “The Pilgrimage”
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What's So Funny? 
LOL! I haven’t had a car since 1998 and I still receive those letters about extended coverage.
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They would gladly insure a wheelbarrow, shopping cart, or pair of roller-skates.
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Thanks for the explanation. I wouldn’t have followed it otherwise
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You’re welcome. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.
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Outside the US this just reads as a piece of surreal comedy, so I was happy with that! 🙂
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Thanks, Iain. I’m sure you have repetitive commercials that are just as nauseating (or worse). They’re kind of funny the first 10 times, but after that . . .
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I can relate, Russell! Thanks for the chuckle and hope all is well in your neck of the woods.
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It’s great to hear from you, Jim. Hope everything is going well in the great state of Minnesota.
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I can’t imagine what it would be like to collect on a claim under one of those extended warranties.
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Alien Resort sounds like a great vacation destination. There’s nothing like being pampered and treated like royalty. Go ahead. Enjoy yourself. You deserve it.
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Dear LiMu Emu,
I feel forgotten. And after the anguish of totalling Brad you’d think I’d gets cards and letters. Liberty. Liberty Liberty. However I have received many caring phone calls from people very concerned about my subscriptions. To what I’m not sure? Problem is Is that I only have 24 hours to take care of them. I fully expect the subscription po-leese to show up at my door and slap in handcuffs. I hope Perry isn’t too disillusioned. Poor guy. I’d be happy to draw a caricature. 😉 Since my Walla Walla Bing Bang training I’m practically a professional.
Shalom,
Natasha Fatale W(T)F
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Dear Natasha Fatale W(T)F,
Wait until Lowry and Blockson hear about your failure to resubscribe to DNR Tag Collectors Quarterly. They already have the handcuffs ready.
A caricature of Perry should be pretty easy. Once the nose is drawn, there’s not much else to add.
Say “Hi” to Boris and remind him the extended warranty on his bike is about to expire.
Limu Emu
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You know, if you ever feel like nobody cares about you, try missing a car payment. 😉 Fun story, Russell. I always knew the whole Emu thing was faked. Emus never like wearing yellow…
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Right you are, Eric. It’s been a scam from the start. A wolf in Big Bird clothing.
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Poor guy. He does look inconsolable from the photo. Life is rough sometimes especially when our expectations are let down. Nice one.
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Yes. That’s what happens when you put your trust in insurance salesmen.
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Insurance is like a lottery; you pay the premiums in the hope but not expectation that you’re covered for what you think you are. It’s a bit like a comfort blanket, until the insurers whip it away just when you need it. Reminds me of our bank manager when we lived in Spain. He gave us a huge golfing umbrella emblazoned with their name and logo. “It’s an expression of our appreciation for your business,” he said, “but if it rains we want it back.”
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What a great business model. One thing’s for certain, you never hear of an insurance company filing for bankruptcy.
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I didn’t get the humour in this, but I’m sure coming from you, it would be comical 🙂
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🙂 I appreciate your faith in me.
Blessed are those who read and laugh, and even more blessed are those who read, don’t get the joke, and laugh anyway.
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Those thoughtful strangers have found us, too! How kind they are, offering us nothing for something. Er.. . . well, anyway. Yeah. I wish they’d get a new writer for those ads.
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If they’re looking for writers, I’m available. They really got taken to the cleaners by the person who wrote that one-word jingle, Liberty, Liberty, Liberty. Boy, I wonder how many attempts it took to come up with that one?
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If their goal is to keep those words in your brain, they succeeded. But not happily.
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That all did happen though not exactly as depicted in the story. I asked the cabbie to take me to see Lady Liberty expecting a rather lengthy ride from Philadelphia but it only lasted about 20 minutes. When I arrived at Lady Liberty I found no harbor, statue, or woman caricaturist but that stupid one-word, jingle from the commercial that had put it all in mind kept playing on a loop inside my head. All that was there was a broken down theater with the words “This Week Only: Lady Liberty!” The show wasn’t even educational!
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At least you still have the quarter you would’ve wasted in the coin-operated binoculars. Rochelle says she can do a caricature of you emphasising your most outstanding features.
Sorry it wasn’t educational, but at your age there isn’t much anyone can teach you.
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what a waste. it wasn’t what he expected. welcome to alternate reality. 🙂
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I think the directions the emu gave him were either incorrect, or he took a wrong turn somewhere.
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Gee thanks, Russell… I spent a week in Delaware/Pennsylvania and that bleeping commercial played over and over and over. I got home and, sighhh… no more having to listen to it. But what do you do? You bring it allll back!
Glad to see you amongst the squares!
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LOL! I think the same people have been calling me, oozing concern about the car I don’t own, which apparently needs new insurance, and about the application for all manner of things I did not begin, but which apparently still, through an immaculate conception, had manifested into their call-rolls. It is all quite fantastic. I’ve offered for the insurance salespersons to perhaps look into purchasing the car that I don’t have, for only a very nominal price. Somehow they always hang up at that point. I guess they already have your Ford. …
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