What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Boot Camp
This week, we got a big snow—big by Arkansas standards, anyway—and everybody and their cousins posted pictures of it on Facebook. All except my cousin Jerry, that is. If ya called him, he’d say the power was out for a couple of days.
But I know better. He ain’t had time. You see, he suffers from a terrible disease known as Watching Snow Melt Disorder (WSMD). Once it starts melting you couldn’t pry him away from the window with a 2 x 4.
This one is melting so fast he’s having trouble keeping his chart updated with the rate per hour.
He won’t eat or drink, just stares out the window as if hypnotized. Good thing he’s wearing a Stadium Pal.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our hostess is the little snow queen, Bertrude “Bird-Woman-of -Belton” Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
copyright – J. Hardy Carroll
A tour guide points to the ruins.
“Years ago, this was home of the Prince Charming Boot Camp. Enrollees had to fight dragons, outwit evil witches, and scale walls with a hook and ladder. Then repel back down with a 200lb. sack of sand on their shoulder.”
“Why so much weight?”
“He never knew what he was gonna find. Lock a girl in a room with nothing to do but eat and she’s apt to lose her hourglass figure.”
“Sounds tough. Did many of them fall?”
“Yeah, but they landed in water. Too bad it was full of alligators.”
44 Comments on “Boot Camp”
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What's So Funny? 
Lock a girl in a room with nothing to do but eat and she’s apt to lose her hourglass figure. This is how I feel these days. Thanks for a good laugh. A brilliant take on the prompt.
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I don’t think Connie could carry me down a rope either. 🙂
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Very funny intro, Mister!! Unfortunately, it was also true!ð
Funny story, too.
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I’m sure there are thousands of people who share your obsession.
It won’t be long before you can switch over to Watching Grass Grow.
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Sounds like Prince Charming wasn’t very charming! 😉 Funny, though!
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With a 100 word limit, I didn’t get to dive into the classes on Charm. Perhaps I can work that into a future episode.
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Yeah! Do!
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Sounds like it wasn’t just the “damsels” who were packing on the pounds.
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The only person losing weight is Cousin Jerry. He’s being fed through an IV until this white stuff all disappears.
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Ah, those heady days of lockdown
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And it’s getting harder to find damsels who want to be rescued.
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Quite an obstacle course that. great fun!
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Yes. Much tougher than American Ninja Warrior.
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No kidding!
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Dear Edward Evrett Hornblower,
Your cousin sounds like an exciting individual. I’ll bet he enjoys watching paint dry, too. Some paints actually do change hue as they dry, you know.
Thank you for sharing the practical if not fractured side of fairy tales and princess in distress rescues. Not every damsel has the foresight to grow her hair long like Rapunzel.
Shalom,
Bertrude “Bird Woman of Belton” W(T)F
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Dear Bertrude “Bird Woman of Belton” W(T)F,
Thanks for bringing up “The Joys of Watching Paint Dry” from my 2nd book. Yes, the two old coots, Jerry & Perry, both love cool days with high humidity when paint takes forever to dry.
The long hair only gets the prince up to her room, where he becomes caught in her web and doomed to spend the rest of his life eating Hamburger Helper and watching soap operas. Not what I’d call “Happily Ever After.”
Edward Evrett Hornblower
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That would make a great TV reality show – See You Later Alligator!
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Even the alligators are putting on a few pounds in this show.
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Now I know what a Stadium Pal is…
An entertaining behind-the-scenes look at how fairy tales are made.
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I’m glad you caught the Stadium Pal gag, Iain. I thought it was interesting that they had a version for women too–the Gal Pal.
Perhaps we’ll take a peek into the Damsel in Distress Academy in a future episode.
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Al I can say is; never feed a girl if she is locked in her bedroom. She will come out eventually.
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I’m told the best way to lure one out is with chocolate.
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Well I do thank you for clarifying that Prince Charmings are made, not born…
Snow in Arkansas must bring a halt to pretty much everything, eh? You would cry with what we got yesterday…
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Saving damsels is not a chore for weaklings or sissies. Along with being physically capable of the challenges, they must learn the proper kissing technique which is a six weeks course in itself.
Dale, there’s a reason no one retires and moves north. We love our snow in small doses, the here today, gone tomorrow variety. Once it stops falling, we’d just as soon it would all go away.
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No, it is not and you are absolutely right. Going through all those challenges will be all for naught if the kiss is a miss.
I hear ya, Russell… I am less and less enthused by the white stuff (I tell myself I love it as I must endure it!)
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An interesting, if dead end story. Well done.
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Dead end indeed. Except for the alligator.
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🙂
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So that’s what happened to my Prince! They should have included an alligator class.
Stadium Pal ?!? Technology at its finest.
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Perhaps your Prince will still come. But he’ll have to outwit Henri, which may prove to be a bigger challenge than he can handle.
Hope you noticed they have Gal Pal for you ladies. 🙂
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😀 That’s one piece of technology I can live without!
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🙂
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Not many people know but Rapunzel weighed 200 pounds. She looked right nice. Maybe she weighed 130 with 70 pounds of hair. Ha. I’m pulling your leg.
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Could be. Maybe she took a lot of collagen to make it grow faster.
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Only the fittest get the girl?
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True, Liz. He may get more girl than he hoped for.
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sounds like fun, i mean, for the alligators. 🙂
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Oh, I thought you were wanting to sign up. They’re always looking for good men.
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Tough camp! Well done.
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Yep. No easy path to rescuing a princess.
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The cost to become Prince Charming seems a bit extreme. Back injuries. Alligator bait. The foolishness of youth. Fun story with an edge as always.
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Thank you, Brenda. I’m not sure how many princesses would want a 90lb. weakling.
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I loved this.
Absolutely hilarious.
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Oh, a classic lose/lose situation. But I suspect anything that has a Prince Charming name is destined for a lose/lose situation. Witty as ever!
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