Boot Camp

This week, we got a big snow—big by Arkansas standards, anyway—and everybody and their cousins posted pictures of it on Facebook. All except my cousin Jerry, that is. If ya called him, he’d say the power was out for a couple of days. 

But I know better. He ain’t had time. You see, he suffers from a terrible disease known as Watching Snow Melt Disorder (WSMD).  Once it starts melting you couldn’t pry him away from the window with a 2 x 4.

This one is melting so fast he’s having trouble keeping his chart updated with the rate per hour.

He won’t eat or drink, just stares out the window as if hypnotized. Good thing he’s wearing a Stadium Pal.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our hostess is the little snow queen,  Bertrude “Bird-Woman-of -Belton” Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright – J. Hardy Carroll

A tour guide points to the ruins.

“Years ago, this was home of the Prince Charming Boot Camp. Enrollees had to fight dragons, outwit evil witches, and scale walls with a hook and ladder. Then repel back down with a 200lb. sack of sand on their shoulder.”

“Why so much weight?”

“He never knew what he was gonna find. Lock a girl in a room with nothing to do but eat and she’s apt to lose her hourglass figure.”

“Sounds tough. Did many of them fall?”

“Yeah, but they landed in water. Too bad it was full of alligators.”

44 Comments on “Boot Camp

  1. Lock a girl in a room with nothing to do but eat and she’s apt to lose her hourglass figure. This is how I feel these days. Thanks for a good laugh. A brilliant take on the prompt.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Edward Evrett Hornblower,

    Your cousin sounds like an exciting individual. I’ll bet he enjoys watching paint dry, too. Some paints actually do change hue as they dry, you know.
    Thank you for sharing the practical if not fractured side of fairy tales and princess in distress rescues. Not every damsel has the foresight to grow her hair long like Rapunzel.


    Bertrude “Bird Woman of Belton” W(T)F


    • Dear Bertrude “Bird Woman of Belton” W(T)F,

      Thanks for bringing up “The Joys of Watching Paint Dry” from my 2nd book. Yes, the two old coots, Jerry & Perry, both love cool days with high humidity when paint takes forever to dry.

      The long hair only gets the prince up to her room, where he becomes caught in her web and doomed to spend the rest of his life eating Hamburger Helper and watching soap operas. Not what I’d call “Happily Ever After.”

      Edward Evrett Hornblower

      Liked by 1 person

    • I’m glad you caught the Stadium Pal gag, Iain. I thought it was interesting that they had a version for women too–the Gal Pal.

      Perhaps we’ll take a peek into the Damsel in Distress Academy in a future episode.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Well I do thank you for clarifying that Prince Charmings are made, not born…
    Snow in Arkansas must bring a halt to pretty much everything, eh? You would cry with what we got yesterday…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Saving damsels is not a chore for weaklings or sissies. Along with being physically capable of the challenges, they must learn the proper kissing technique which is a six weeks course in itself.
      Dale, there’s a reason no one retires and moves north. We love our snow in small doses, the here today, gone tomorrow variety. Once it stops falling, we’d just as soon it would all go away.

      Liked by 1 person

      • No, it is not and you are absolutely right. Going through all those challenges will be all for naught if the kiss is a miss.
        I hear ya, Russell… I am less and less enthused by the white stuff (I tell myself I love it as I must endure it!)

        Liked by 1 person

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