What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
A Crime Against Nature
A few years ago, someone gave me a book entitled, Keep Your Brain Alive. I took this to mean the anonymous donor of this book wanted to preserve my brain in a glass jar for use in a future transplant—ala Dr. Frankenstein.
The book contains 83 Neurobic Exercises to prevent memory loss and increase mental fitness. One of which is to brush your teeth with your nondominant hand. I gave it shot. My brain refused to cooperate. Instead of the bush moving up and down & back and forth, my toothbrush remained stationary, and my head bobbed up and down and side-to-side. Evidently, I have an Abby Normal type of brain.
Do you have any brain calisthenics you practice? If so, please list them in the comments.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our hostess is Anne Uumellmahaye Wisoff-Fields, whose brain has been pickled-purple by the use of said color. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
My husband, Brad, came home with a tray of small plants.
“The guy at Lowe’s said they’re practically maintenance free. Just plug ’em in, water, and voilà—instant blooms.”
He also bought a bag of worm castings—a polite name for worm poo.
“You don’t expect me to stick my hands in that, do you?” I asked.
“Try these on.” He handed me a pair of gloves.
They were floral print with pink rubber palms. I stuck my hand in one and flexed the fingers. Not exactly Boston Strangler quality, but I figured they’d work for a crime against nature.
28 Comments on “A Crime Against Nature”
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What's So Funny? 
He’s just so helpful, is Brad, isn’t he?
I’m amazed at how using my non-dominant hand makes me feel rather uncoordinated. Seriously, is it so hard to turn off the water? I always go the wrong way first!
I used to do on-line exercises but was told they were not really helpful… Off to learn some Italiano – THAT is good for the brain, to learn a new language.
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Yes, poor Brad was trying to come up with a hobby for Rachel. However, she was born with a brown thumb and has trouble keeping artificial flowers from wilting.
Who told you they weren’t helpful, Donald Trump? He doesn’t have enough brain cells to do an exercise.
I agree that learning a new language would be good for the brain, but I have a long way to go with English. They keep adding new words every year and those damn text abbreviations only confuse me.
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Some just can’t get it no matter how much they try. My mother kills cactus…
There is that. I’m dissing them!
Apparently, it’s great. Then again, I hear ya on the effing text abbreviations meant to confuse the most savvy of us!
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Not Boston Strangler quality, but bloody good camouflage for the blooms
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True, and she won’t leave tell-tale fingerprints either.
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I never heard of neurobics but I do aerobics every day. Maybe I should do the aerobics backwards?
Sounds like Brad may have made his last mistake! 🙂
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Doing aerobics backwards reminds me of something Linda Blair in the Exorcist would do. 🙂
No, unfortunately Brad will make many more mistakes. After all, he’s a man. That’s what we do.
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Dear Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr,
The mental image of your teeth brushing exercise will take some time to unsee. I hope Connie had the foresight to get a video.
I do relate to crimes against nature. I’ve committed a few myself. There’s the time…Valentine’s day before last to be exact, he decided to be creative and get a beautiful orchid for me. I went online and asked for tips. Friends were generous. I bought special spray. Took extra care with watering. Despite my best efforts the poor thing laid doon its head deed. This year it was jewelry. That I can keep. ;)
There you have my story in a runt-shell.
Shalom,
Anne Uumellmahaye W(T)F
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Dear Anne Uumellmahaye W(T)F,
My guess is the poor unfortunate orchid saw you in your mime costume and chose to commit suicide.
I hope the jewelry was a mood ring. You know how cranky they can be. Now get back to painting using your nondominant hand.
Here’s my prescription. Chew two purple crayons and call me in the morning.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
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Ew. If worm poo smells as bad as a rotting dead worm smells, I’d be using the alabaster throne quite a bit.
Playing piano is good brain exercise, if you’re learning new music and/or doing scales and advanced finger exercises.
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Fortunately for Rachel, worm castings don’t smell as bad as they sound. They are rich in fertilizer and help keep the soil loose. But with her brown thumb it won’t matter.
I have pecked around on the piano. Playing the bass line with one hand and the melody with the other was more than my pea brain could handle. I think I’ll just stick with the guitar. I have been messing with the ukulele some. It’s only a mild mental workout.
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Thoughtful guy, is Brad. Good on him.
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Yes, the gloves were a nice touch. Let’s hope Rachel doesn’t use them to choke Brad.
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Apparently the puzzles and crosswords don’t do all that much, but learning a new language does. Me, I plan on installing Linux on an older computer and learning to code in Python. Worm poo is very good fertilizer, what does she think that nice black soil in a healthy garden is?
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Learning something new always gives the old brain cells a healthy workout. It also provides a sense of accomplishment, which is worth a whole lot.
Mushroom compost is great stuff too. Nice, loose soil grows big juicy vegetables. 🙂
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So helpful but maybe he shouldn’t be. Well done.
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His heart is in the right place, but sometimes people don’t want new hobbies pushed on them.
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I am sure she’ll enjoy gardening with Brad’s thoughtful encouragement.
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That’s what Brad thinks. Unfortunately, the opposite is true. She hates it and the plants won’t survive more than a week or two.
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the husband should help out with the gardening and all household work, too, for that matter. that’s what partners in crime are all about. 🙂
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A good place to bury a bossy partner.
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I think Brad may have just made his last spousal suggestion! Deviously fun story.
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Aw. He’s trying to be helpful. You gotta love that. And he chose pretty floral gloves for her. I hope she discovers a new zeal for gardening and surprises everybody. And regarding the brain, I’ve read that it’s good to learn new skills, and to learn more than one at a time. Keeps the brain versatile. Also thinking up new names for long-suffering hosts of story prompt linkup sites is highly recommended.
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I’ve recently begun Sudoku puzzles. I’m hoping this helps exercise my brain.
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Tai Chi recommends finger exercises. Touch each fingertip to the thumb starting with the pinkie, then next time start with the forefinger. There are other similar exercises. Regarding your story, I’m guessing she strangled him!
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If only the flowers were a more worthy variety; there may be more incentive to love the flower than strangle the bosy buyer, hehe! Gotta say, I love flowers, but have always struggled with embracing the ones in the photo… Sigh.
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I like to garden, but I think I’d draw the line at worm poo. If her husband wants poo in the garden, he can do it. (haha)
My son downloaded the Lumosity game app onto my phone. It’s supposed to help with brain “stuff.” :) We’ll see. It’s fun. I’ve heard Sudoku is good. Also, Tai Chi is supposed to be good for the brain, not only the body. It’s fun, too.
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