What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
High Falutin Eats
In all my years, I’ve never seen a deer cross the highway anywhere near a Deer X-ing sign. Some might argue that deer can’t read, but I think they’re just belligerent jaywalkers.
To drive home the message, the highway department should paint two lines across the pavement as a designated crosswalk. Then have game wardens regularly patrol the area. Any deer not obeying the laws designed to protect them (and us) should be pulled over and given a ticket.
Once the deer get in line, perhaps the armadillos and possums would follow suit. It would also make it easier for the vultures to find a meal. All in favor, add a comment.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our hostess is that ageless wonder, Granny Tadpole Wisoff-Fields.. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
The hostess seated us in one of those semi-dark booths that screams, “This is gonna be expensive.” I had the waiter bring us a bottle of wine and an appetizer. Mary Jane ordered spaghetti and I chose linguini with clam sauce.
Watching her suck in a dangling noodle reminded me of that scene in Lady and the Tramp where the dogs are drawn together by a strand of spaghetti till their lips touch.
I offered a toast. “To the most talented and amazing partner a nekkid man could ever have.”
She may have blushed. It was too dark to tell.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
This is an excerpt from my WIP The Bare Necessities, which is a parody of the TV show Naked & Afraid.
23 Comments on “High Falutin Eats”
I'd love to hear from you
Purchase ‘One Idiot Short of a Village’
Purchase ‘The Perils of Heavy Thinking’
What's So Funny? 
You know how to stage a romantic evening. I’m sure she Mary Jane is well versed in the art of maintaining composure in the face of ‘nekkid’.
LikeLiked by 1 person
She certainly is.
Mary Jane and Virgil were participants on the fictional reality TV show Nekkid & Skeered.
Virgil Bunyan is the great-great-grandson of Paul Bunyan and Mary Jane is a descendent of Slue-Foot Sue.
The logline is – American Folklore meets reality TV.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Virgil Bunyan,
I believe you’re right about the deer and Xings. I know the one who ran out in front of my car one rainy morning did so with malicious intent. Perhaps she didn’t like my Chevy Cruz, but that was nothing to kill herself over.
Perhaps Mary Jane can remain composed in front of nekkid, but how is the wait staff with it? They might confuse something for a Vienna sausage. Just sayin’.
Shalom,
Granny Tadpole W(T)F
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Granny Tadpole W(T)F,
Yes, the number of suicidal wildlife is a sad testiment to the times we live in. Much of their natural habitat has been destroyed and now they’re having to rely on residential flower beds for a tasty, high-protein diet (although they don’t complain near as much as the gardener).
Neither of our diners are nekkid in the restaurant. We couldn’t have the waitstaff snickering over Virgil’s shriveled grub worm, now could we? However, there are times when Mr. Woody rises to the occasion, but I don’t want to spoil the novella for you. 🙂
Happy wigglin’ in the water
Virgil Bunyan
LikeLike
😀 😀 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s alway nice to see your happy face(s) here, Morgaine. 🙂
LikeLike
Sucking a dangling noodle – not a sight I like to see!
I live near a forest which is home to lots of deer. Yesterday the sign on the main road that runs through it said there have been 144 incidents involving deer in the last year. I’ve had many close encounters!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sure Mary Jane sucked the noodle in a most erotic manner.
We have too many deer too. I live in the country, but think there are more deer per acre in town.
LikeLike
But if deer can’t read, is there any benefit of handing them a ticket in the first place? Why not have an underground tunnel for vehicles (that the animals don’t know exist). Those that get displaced from the project can be compensated with a decent-sized flower bed or two or more.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m not sure what a judge would fine them either, perhaps make them wear blinking lights for a month. Or, they could perform community service by picking up broken bumpers on the side of the road.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That sounds like better idea 😀
LikeLike
i wonder what’s for dessert? 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, that’s a whole nuther chapter.
LikeLiked by 1 person
One of my favorite road signs: ” SLOW children”
As for Nekkid and Skeered, I never watched it. Never understood why anyone would DO it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wrote about the SLOW Children sign once. Let’s hope they weren’t mentally challenged.
Personally, I’m not a fan of any of the “reality” programs. They’re obviously staged, but evidently enough people watch them (and they’re are cheaper to produce than hiring real actors & writers) to keep them on the air.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amusing story and intro. So good to read you here.
LikeLiked by 1 person
thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment, Dawn.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds like one of those dangerous liaisons. Hope his wife doesn’t find out.
LikeLiked by 1 person
They’re both single. At first, they weren’t too keen on each other, but the relationship is developing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Best of luck to them!
LikeLike
What romance, what style. I hope Mary-Jane can keep a straight face.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep, Virgil is a silver-tongue devil. 🙂
LikeLike
Pingback: High Falutin Eats – What’s So Funny? – Vedic News BD