What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Who Names Prescription Drugs?
Have you ever wondered how prescription drugs get their names? Me neither, but now that you’ve asked, I’ll tell you.
Big Pharma would have you believe the names are based on the molecular structure of the drug. This is only an inside joke to make patients feel stupid because they cannot pronounce the name.
Every major pharmaceutical company employs a voodoo witch-doctor whose sole purpose is to name new drugs.
Here’s how it works. A pharmaceutical scientist points to the specific part of the body the drug is supposed to effect. The witch doctor then inserts a pin or needle into a voodoo doll at the appropriate location. Whatever he says after stabbing the doll becomes the drug name.
Translating the witch doctor’s native tongue into English is not easy, which explains why the names are so difficult to pronounce. Expensive drugs always contain the letters X, Z, U, and sometimes Y. Sprinkling in a few Js and Ks never hurt anyone either.
To educate physicians, pharmaceutical reps offer a subscription to Medical Babbel. After a few thousand repetitions, doctors can wow their patients by rattling off even the most challenging drug name without cracking a grin.
Follow me for other Huhs?, Hows, and Whys.
11 Comments on “Who Names Prescription Drugs?”
I'd love to hear from you
Purchase ‘One Idiot Short of a Village’
Purchase ‘The Perils of Heavy Thinking’
What's So Funny? 
I think you have a point, Russell!
There does seem to be a sort of order when it comes to the opioids… must end in “done” (as in oxycodone…) the first part, however, is open to the sticking of the needle!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Done seems an appropriate ending when dealing with opioids
LikeLiked by 1 person
It does, doesn’t it
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mystery solved! This makes perfect sense! BTW, half the doctors and pharmacists can’t pronounce the names either. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
They probably can’t afford the subscription to MediBabbel. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I knew it! I’m sure I found part of a feather in a box of medication. Quite stinky it was too. Oh, and is Medical Babbel the same as the app “MediBabbel?” I was very tempted to download it, but the $650 a month cost turned me off.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hope you kept the feather. The potion won’t be effective unless you tickle your throat with the feather while taking the medication and reciting your ABCs in reverse.
Unfortunatley, most insurance plans don’t cover the cost of MediBabbel and the constant updates (3X a day) are a hassle too.
LikeLike
Dang. Sadly, the feather met an untimely end, when a gust of wind blew it into the fire pit. We were roasting marshmallows at the time.
LikeLike
Dear Doctor HooZitstivik,
I knew there was a reasonable explanation. I always wondered where those names came from. Thank you for your comprehensive exposé. Whatever happened to take two and call me in the morning?
Shalom,
Nurse Ratchit W(T)F
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Nurse Diesel W(T)F,
Big Pharma has already tried to kill me 5 or 4 times. Their voodoo magic is quite powerful. I keep getting envelopes in the mail marked “Medicare Recipient” that contain small bags of suspicous white powder. The directions say to mix with water and use as mime face paint. Scary stuff.
Say two chants while balancing a wine glass on your forehead.
My bill is in the mail.
Dr. HooZitstivik
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: Who Names Prescription Drugs? – What’s So Funny? – Vedic News BD