Burning Down the House

Following the example set forth by our fearless leader, I went back to the archives of October 2012 for this relic. Sandra and a couple of others have read it, but for most of today’s FFF participants it will be a new journey down the path of crude, juvenile humor.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Program Director for syndicating ancient blog posts is Desilu Wisoff-Fields.  If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF  Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

Hop Sing was insulted when Ben mounted a fire extinguisher on the kitchen wall. The grease fire had been small and posed no real threat to safety.

For years they had harassed, teased, and threatened his pig-tail. Now, he carefully plotted his revenge.

Donning heavy gloves, he diced a handful of Chi-Chien pods and stirred them into the beef stew he’d prepared for supper. Before leaving, he coated a bucket of corn cobs with Chi-Chien oil to stock the family outhouse.

“Cartwrights fight fire in big house and little house too.” Hop Sing laughed. “Fire extinguisher not put out flame”

24 Comments on “Burning Down the House

  1. Hi Russell,
    Now was that baby corn cobs from that baby corn you get at Chinese restaurants? And is that what Chinese babies use for toilet paper? Inquiring minds want to know. Ron


    • From what I’ve heard, the stalks only get a foot high and are tended by garden gnomes. They outsource the shelling of the corn to the Keebler elves who in turn sell them to Lilliputians on the black market. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.


  2. Dear Russell,

    I’d almost forgotten that show and you returned me to my youth in a flash (no pun….). And that detail about corncobs? Priceless. Another barn burner from you this week.

    (Thanks for visiting mine and for commenting so graciously. [Do you do gracious?])



    P.S. Love you on WordPress!


  3. there will be emotional scarring in that outhouse. also, the phrase is “if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.”


    • Right you are, Rich. I wondered who would be the first to catch that. Unfortunately, all you win is braggin’ rights.


  4. Shoot! I thought I was the only one who would remember Bonanza. Great story. Would have made a great ending episode to the series.


  5. Revenge is sweet, and there’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight… and for many days to come. Nice one!


  6. As ever, Russell, your cultural references are lost on me, but your humour still hits the mark. I’ve no idea what’s going on with those corn cobs, but I loved his version of ancient chinese wisdom in “Big house and little house too”!


  7. Very cool to relive those halycon days back on the Ponderosa with Ben, Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe and then with Ben, Hoss, Little Joe and whoever that other guy was they brought in to replace Adam.

    BTW, Hop Sing was played by actor Victor Sen Yung, who had played Charlie Chan’s No. 2 son and had co-starred in movies with Humphrey Bogart and Bette Davis; no wonder he was mad as hell and not going to take it any more!

    Good job!


  8. At last, someone incorporates the fire extinguisher into a story! Kudos to Hop Sing!


  9. As always, you can be counted on for a laugh–I’m assuming Hop Sing was written out of the series after that stunt.


  10. I’m burning up from top to bottom just thinking about it. Especially imagining the outhouse scenario. Ouch. Ouch. Fortunately, we use leaves and newspapers here – so we’re safe for the moment. But thgere’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight.

    Cook look for new job – maybe join up with Charlie Chan and number one son, and become Hop-Along Sing Son.

    Remember always: Cook with gunpowder makes fire quick.



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