Lucy in the Sky

We don’t watch a lot of reality TV, but one show we have watched a few times is “Naked and Afraid.” This is where they dump two strangers, a man and woman, in a tropical jungle or Louisiana swamp for twenty-one days. To survive, they must find their own food and water, and figure out which leaves to wipe on that aren’t poison ivy.

I suggest they up the stakes and force these poor nudists to go on a twenty-one day public speaking tour in manufacturing plants across the U.S. For three weeks, they get to explain to angry factory workers why their jobs are being outsourced to China, Mexico, and the District of Columbia. The only food available is the out-of-date sandwiches from The Carousel of Death (break room vending machine).

If they make it out alive, they win a free wrist watch and a lifetime supply of Jenny Craig pre-packaged meals. What a deal! I suspect many of my fellow writers will be signing up in droves. You can’t buy this kind of exposure at any price.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, your flight attendant our weekly cruise around the Imaginary Skies is Blue Angel (Flaps Down) Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for a complete list of safety instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
copyright – Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Lucy had flown enough to recognize normal turbulence. She stared out the window and whispered a prayer. The two-caret stone on her wedding band felt as cold as the relationship she’d left behind.

The airplane rocked from side to side and dipped erratically. Flight attendants stumbled down the aisle, their forced smiles masking the anxiety roiling in their stomachs like volcanos about to erupt.

A voice came over the intercom, but the words were slurred and undecipherable.

“What did he say?” Lucy asked.

“Captain Brooks wants a drink.” The attendant feigned a smile.

 “Make mine a double,” said Lucy.

__________________________________________________________________________

For those of you who don’t remember Foster Brooks-  here’s a little clip.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=6jNNFqQODKE

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48 Comments on “Lucy in the Sky

  1. I don’t want to tell you more than you can stand to hear, but I just got out of the shower and read your post sans clothing. That means naked to those who need laymen terms. Now you can laugh for a change.​

    Velda Brotherton COMING SOON: BEYOND THE MOON ONCE THERE WERE SAD SONGS *http://tinyurl.com/kgerkkf * THE PURLOINED SKULL *http://tinyurl.com/np6dy6q * Amazon page:http://www.amazon.com/author/veldabrotherton

    Website: http://www.veldabrotherton.com MONTANA PROMISES AUDIO http://audible.com/pd/B00CO9LJFK

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  2. Dear Captain Brooks,

    I think you write those intros just so you can get two stories in one. 😉 Smiles on both. I guess it’s too late for Lucy to get out of the sky alive, but at least she’s got her diamonds.

    Shalom,

    Blue Angel (Flaps down, y’all).

    Like

  3. Oh dear, poor Lucy. Fancy having to catch a flight of fancy turbulence to order a double. From title to last line, this is pure Gayer humour. I’ve seen that Foster Brooks skit…funny, very funny. You’re an absolute gem, Russell 😀

    Like

  4. Yes, I remember Foster Brooks, Russell, and now it’s dawned on me that SNL’s Bobby Moynihan’s Drunk Uncle character is heavily influenced by FB, a polite way of saying, “A rip-off.”

    I once flew on a JetBlue red eye from Oakland to NYC where I noticed that the guy sitting across from me in the window seat was butt naked, but his hands were cupped over his family’s jewels. There was no turbulence and we landed safely. So, I had it a lot easier than Lucy.

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    • I’m glad there was no turbulence. We can’t have the family jewels bouncing off the walls of an airplane. It might put someone’s eye out.

      Like

  5. Russell, Great from intro to the end once again. 😀 Lucy doesn’t need to worry. I remember Foster Brooks, and his character always made it through somehow without a scratch. Thanks for the hilarious video. Dean Martin was laughing so hard he couldn’t speak, and that made the skit even funnier. Well written as always. When your blog comes on, I go straight to it for a fun read. 🙂 —Susan

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  6. I remember Foster Brooks, too. I REFUSE to have that song stuck in my head–lalalala–I can’t hear you–I’m not listening–lalalalalala

    Like

  7. Dear Russell,

    Foster Brooks would have made a perfect pilot. First to the scene of the accident and not remember a thing. Thanks for flying Marginal Airlines.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

  8. Thanks for the clip. Had not seen him before, watched it and some more. Then started watching Dean Martin. Which meant Jerry Lewis was not far away. Saw some really funny Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis clips. So thanks for starting this evening’s entertainment.

    P.S Your story was nice too.

    Like

  9. Russell, you are a master at humor! I think I was on a flight like this once and heck, I had drank two bottles (the little tiny ones you buy on the plane) with bloody Mary mix. Yummers! Foster Brooks was (hiccup) so good an imitating drunk people – oh wait – maybe he wasn’t imitating. Good job Russell! Nan

    Like

  10. Am sure its the weight of the stone on wristband that causing all the turbulence!

    … and where do I sign for the show? Nice work Russel !!

    Like

  11. I love your intro today. Make mine a double, yeah, what else can Miss Lucy do? I watched the clop of Mr. Brooks and I’m not flying with him ever.

    Like

  12. I work in a manufacturing plant and I hate to tell you but management is not going to pay for us to stay and listen to your stump speeches and when quitting time comes we’re outta there!

    Like

  13. I hope this plane has more than its usual quote of alcohol on board as I think all the passengers are going to need some to relax them. Particularly loved ‘… their forced smiles masking the anxiety roiling in their stomachs like volcanos about to erupt.’

    Like

  14. I really enjoyed the way you casually threw out such startling images here – the stone “as cold as the relationship she’d left behind” and the erupting volcanoes. Very effective and fun.

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  15. Very very funny, Russell. Sorry for the belated comment but I’ve been laughing ever since I read this last Thursday and have finally caught my breath enough to write something. I’m not sure I believe there is really a television show called “Naked and Afraid,” but I might try out for it if the naked part doesn’t place me out of the running. Good luck to Lucy in the Sky; diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but a sober pilot might be better this time around.

    Like

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Mandie Hines Author

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