Security Breech

Personally, I’m not a big fan of the CSI TV series. I must be in the minority because it seems they have developed an offering to cover every major city in the U.S. Crime is a glamorous thing, especially when done properly. That probably explains why we don’t have Redneck CSI.

I can just hear the chief investigator exclaiming, “Them four-wheeler tracks was made by a Yamaha Quadra Trak ATV with a Warn winch on the front and draggin’ a string crushed Pabst Blue Ribbon cans. My guess is the bride & groom had just left the wedding reception when the murder occurred. Some of them cans still got backwash in ‘em.”

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our Charlie’s Angel, who always solves the case is Farrah Marple Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF  Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Kent Bonham
copyright – Kent Bonham

Fenton, Mo. – A fence-jumper was caught this week at the Friday Flash Fiction capital outside Kansas City. The perpetrator slipped past the first level of security and was almost to the Lavender Room when she tripped over an opened copy of This, That, and Sometimes the Other and became spellbound by the text.

Fictioneers from around the globe are calling Director of Security, W.M.Q. (Who Cut the) Colby for an explanation.

“Fortunately, Madam President wasn’t home at the time,” wheezed Colby. “None of the purple was missing, but we did find chips of violet on the intruder.

“I’ve ordered a full-cavity search.”

38 Comments on “Security Breech

  1. Dear Russell,

    Security Breech (why that spelling? Did I miss something?) was an excellent play on the prompt, the prompt provider and the Queen and her Royal Web Blog. I loved W.M.Q (who cut the) Colby. Absolutely perfect. This is Russell Gayer in fine form, firing on all cylinders. How many does your ATV have, anyway? Redneck CSI can’t be far off. Get ready for your closeup.




    • That was atypical Redneck spell in’ Doug. I’m ready when the network calls. Connie can perform autopsies on armadillos to determine time of death. Cause looks pretty much like a shotgun blast. I’ve got a couple of suspects, but they ain’t talkin’


  2. Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer?? What a blast from the past! Never drank the stuff but it sure was popular around South Chicago. Fun post!


    • I thought it looked like one of the photos you post of things you find on the streets of NYC. Although, your stores are much more clever than mine.


  3. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Thanks for my new nick-name, too! Love it!
    As my report will indicate, the intruder had no cavities because they use Crest.
    Oh, wait a minute …


    • Thanks for that report on the dental records, Kent. Hopefully, Crest will come through with the payment for mentioning them on my blog.


  4. Terrific post top and bottom, funny all the way through, with a great play on current events and use of the prompt! Only question is: what is a “warn Winch?” How come I’ve never seen one?


  5. Dear Fence Jumper,

    It’s a good thing W.M.Q. is on the case. Loved this piece of purple prose. And thanks for the non-violet plug for This, That and Sometimes the Other. Personally autographed paperbacks can be had at a reduced price when purchased directly from the author.. 😉




    • Wow, thank you, Plarridel. I’ll take that as a compliment. I just hope W.M.Q. doesn’t cut the Colby (cheese that is) in the middle of the skit.


  6. This was dang right wonderful…. Let’s all (all ‘uns being the FF group) meet in the Lavender room and discuss security measures. Cheers to you.


  7. There’s still backwash in the beer. Ha ha! Well, at least they’re quick on the scene. Funny, as always. I bet Farrah is pleased knowing she is in good hands with WMQ on the case.


      • I have’t yet – but I am certainly adding it to my reading list! I already know she’s brilliant, so I wouldn’t expect to book to be any less so.


  8. Dear Russell, You really should write for SNL – You would be a Hoot n Holler on it. Love your story and nice of you to plug Rochelle’s book. Kent, I’m sure, enjoyed the shout-out. You and Perry, Kent, Plaridel, Bjorn, are funny. Love it, love it, love it! Nan 🙂


    • I’m glad you’ve joined our little troop, Nan. I can tell you’re having a lot of fun, meeting great people, and enjoying writing. Who can ask for more?


    • I’ve seen photos of the outside of her house. I guess Jan wouldn’t let her paint it purple, but who knows how many shades of lavender reside within those walls.


  9. Chips of violet and a flu cavity search. This can’t end well for our fence jumper. But I’m not surprised she tripped up and became captivated by our leader’s writings. 🙂


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