Phishing for Chumps

Someone once asked my dad, “Pug, do you still go fishin’ as often as you used to?”

“No,” replied Dad, “I’ve cut back to once a day.”

I took Dad on his last fishing trip when he was 92. He died three years later.

Fisherman’s Prayer

Unknown

 I pray that I may live to fish until my dying day.

And when it comes to my last cast, I then most humbly pray;

When in the Lord’s great landing net and peacefully asleep

That in His mercy I’ll be judged good enough to keep.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the game warden who’ll be measuring our tall tales to see if they stay within the 100 word limit is Gertrude “Guppy” Wisoff-Fields.  If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF  Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Georgia Koch
copyright – Georgia Koch

Junior thumbed through the dog-eared pages of his Bass Pro Shop catalog.
“Nadine, I’m gonna order me one of these boats and take up bass fishin’.”

“Junior, its 250 miles to the nearest river or lake. You ain’t gonna catch no bass out here.”

“You just watch.”

A week later, Junior launched his boat in waist-deep Kansas prairie grass and began fishing.

“Caught anything yet?” Nadine called from the back porch.

“Nope.”

“I knew you wouldn’t catch any bass out there.”

“Shut up, woman. And go back to your knittin’.”

“Junior, if I could swim, I’d come out there and kick your ass.”

Advertisements

49 Comments on “Phishing for Chumps

    • Yes, Pug fished in water. He and my uncles (Harry and Choc) are featured in 3 stories in The Perils of Heavy Thinking. Dad also had a great sense of humor and loved to tell jokes.

      Like

  1. What a funny, little piece. It’s wonderful. I really liked your little intro as well, it reminded me of my dad’s way of saying grace “bless the food and those who serves us, and from indigestion, lord please preserve us.”

    Like

  2. Totally got me on that one, had no idea where you were going. I was about to ask for Nadine’s number since I figured Junior was nuts and he was going to be out fishing for the rest of his life. And it turns out she’s nuttier than he is! And you’re nuttier than both! Another great job, Russell.

    Like

  3. Sitting here in Olathe, KS, less than two miles from a Bass Pro Shop and God-knows-how-far from any naturally occurring body of water, I can truly appreciate this one, Russell. Unless somebody’s stocking the sand pit, there ain’t much catching going on in these here parts.

    Catch ya later!
    MG

    Like

    • Trot on over to the cold storage facility there in Olathe. Perhaps they have some frozen tilapia that won’t put up too much of a fight. If not, I know they have some great Tyson product you’re sure to enjoy.

      Like

    • More like a match made in a sanitarium. I hear they’ve been working on their synchronized swimming–getting ready for the Olympics.

      Like

  4. Dear Junior,

    You and Nadine are blonde right? I think I’ll go swim laps in my backyard now. Sure wish I had a cement pond.

    Shalom,

    Gertrude the Guppy

    Like

  5. Dear Russell,

    I’ll fire up my Bass-o-Matic for when they’re wondering what to do with the catch. Great story this week.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

  6. Junior could have saved his money and just gone noodling. Redneck fishing, no boat, or tackle, required. What great fun your stories are. BTW, sir, you made 32 cents. I purchased your book.

    Like

    • Excellent idea, Honie. I just hope one of those big catfish doesn’t drag Junior all over the pasture. Thanks for the order. I hope it gives you many grins and chuckles.

      Like

  7. I enjoyed the Fisherman’s Prayer and this story very much, Russell. My dad was a fisherman also. He especially liked to ice fish. I bet it was peaceful out in that tall grass. It’s a good thing his wife understood him. Well done once again. 🙂 — Suzanne

    Like

  8. Love that fisherman’s prayer. Poor Nadine, she has a lot to put up with. And an unhappy fisherman is a nightmare. Think they might have to move closer to water to keep him happy.

    Like

  9. Well, at least he’s getting the fishing into his life, the very act of sitting there, hoping and hoping to catch anything. I guess you can do that anywhere! Great story, Russell!

    Like

  10. There’s a dreamy, quixotic feel to this story that I really liked. The optimism of finding the joy of fishing without water or fish. Maybe I identify with that because of my own experience with fishing and ending up just enjoying sitting on the side of a lake casting out a hookless line. Thanks for the enjoyable read.

    Like

    • Thanks, Michael. I love fishing too. A person doesn’t always have to be catching fish to have a good time. Glad this story worked for you.

      Like

I'd love to hear from you

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

Mandie Hines Author

Horror, Psychological Thrillers, Flash Fiction, and Poetry

The Phantom Rem

Stories From Within

Lorna's Voice

Finding ways to make words sparkle

The Incoherent Ramblings Of A Moose

This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.

Sharing sarcasm, snark, and satire with the world...

Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple

Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.

Problems With Infinity

Confessions of a Delusional Maniac

ParkInkSpot

I may make you feel, but I can't make you think.

TheDustSeason

All the Blogging That's Fit To Print

www.immodiumabuser.com

AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.

Dimitris Melicertes

I don't write, I touch without touching.

Lame Adventures

A Humor Blog

Linda Vernon Humor

Stylistically Abusing Language for the Betterment of Mankind

TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND

Straight up with a twist– Because life is too short to be subtle!

Lori Ericson, Author

An author's perspective of mystery and more.

The Best Things in Life

And the worst things. And all that weird stuff in between.

%d bloggers like this: