All Wired Up and Nowhere to Glow

I’ve always admired people who had wise quotations attributed to their name. The trick is to say something clever enough that others would care to repeat it and credit the author. Here are some examples of words of wisdom people have imparted to me.

  •  “Sit down and shut up!” ~ Mrs. Sticklebottom (elementary school teacher)
  • “Absolutely not! Get away from me, you creep.” ~ Debra Jones (my first crush)

This got me thinking about how selfish I’d been by not sharing my wealth of wit and wisdom. Here are a couple of my more famous sayings, followed by one that’s yet to catch on. Feel free to quote me on any of these.

  • “My nouns and verbs don’t always agree. Fistfights have been known to break out in mid-sentence.”
  • “The last time I opened my trench coat to expose myself to knowledge, knowledge not only laughed—it impolitely pointed AND laughed.”
  • “Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make the most of it.”

 If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the building inspector who issues permits for 100 word stories is Electra “Shock Therapy” Wisoff-Fields.  If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF  Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Ted Strutz
copyright – Ted Strutz

The first seven weeks of winter had been brutal. Meteorologist searched as far back as records had been kept, but failed to find lower temperatures for an extended period of time.

“It’s the new ice age,” declared Hal Bore, a proponent of Global Warming.

But one man had a plan. Master Electrician, Ole Peterson, invented a giant, infrared heat lamp with enough power to warm the entire upper mid-west.

At dawn on February 2nd he was about to flip the switch when his partner, Sven, pulled the plug.

“Not today, Ole. Ve don’t vant de groundhog to see his shadow.”

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34 thoughts on “All Wired Up and Nowhere to Glow

  1. Hilarious once again, Russell. 😀 I had a sneaking feeling that some people in the know still believe in signs like the groundhog and his shadow. I loved the imparted wisdom you’ve picked up along the say, especially from your elementary teacher. 😀 — Suzanne

  2. Dear Mr. Peterson,

    I’ve always shaken my head at people who believe meteorology to be an exact science. My husband gets totally emotional if the weatherman predicted rain around 3 o’clock and there’s a downpour at 11:00. “This wasn’t supposed to happen yet,” he’ll shout.

    Feel free to pull the switch and warm things up around here.

    Now…sit down and shut up.

    Shalom,

    Electra ST

  3. That Sven, he’s such a control freak.

    Here is a quote that has been attributed to me: “When I began writing fiction, I knew nothing. Now I know nothing much more intimately.”
    You keep me laughing, Russell. I like the picture of nouns and verbs in fisticuffs.

  4. I love this, Russel!! And, it’s almost time for Groundhog Day! Look at that. This story was meant to be. I like your quote about verbs and nouns fighting in mid-sentence. Hey, mine do that too!

  5. “In the field of humor today, there is but one giant, one writer who towers above all the rest. Would laughter exist without him? Would our spirits ever soar or would they sputter to the ground were he gone? Would the planets themselves but beweep his absence? Not only don’t I know what I’m talking about, I forgot who I’m writing about!” Perry Block

  6. Russell, This was such a cute story. You and Perry are so funny – and I’ve heard that you are the “Mark Twain of Friday Flash Fiction.” What a marvelous life you live when people give you a quote about yourself! Absolutely wonderful!!! You and Perry, Rochelle, and others make this club the fun it is and Thanks to you all from the mediocre of this club – Me. Oh, BTW, old Hal Bore is just as boring as the day he took credit for starting the “internet” What a schmuck! Have a wonderful week! Nan

  7. Back in the day, Hal Bore, tried to teach science in my all girls Catholic high school, Holy Slut High, but once those lights went out, so did my classmates and me. So, Hal’s light switch anxiety continues, but I’m on Team Sven. I just wish some of that warming would head to the Northeast!

  8. Well Russ you sent me scurrying to Google to check out Groundhog Day. I love the film with Bill Murray but never knew that the lowly Groundhog actually has his day – Feb 2. (If it was in the film that bit went over my head)
    I am still laughing at the idea that if he sees his shadow he goes back for another six weeks…
    Thanks for another story packed full of your kind of wit and humour, it’s my kind too and it’s great.

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