Weather Forecaster Found Dead

You may remember this one from last year. Or, if you’re like me, you’ve slept since then and care barely remember what you had for breakfast this morning. Either way, I couldn’t turn down Gordon’s family when they asked if I’d repost it.

 

SPRINGDALE, AR – The body of Gordon Dale Groundhog was found by a motorist yesterday afternoon on the side of Shady Grove Road. Authorities suspect he was the victim of a hit-and-run accident. The police report states there were no signs of skid marks on the pavement. Persons with information regarding this accident are urged to contact the Washington County Humane Society.

“I don’t mean to sound cruel or heartless,” said one local television meteorologist, ” but this couldn’t have happened at a worse time. Everyone was looking forward to seeing him drug from his burrow Monday morning and shook around like a rag doll in front of our cameras. Now, our long-range forecast is shot to hell.”

Four crows, two buzzards, and a possum have been assigned to remove the body. “We’re going to let him lie in state a few days,” said one of the crows (under the condition of anonymity). “We want to give family and friends plenty of time to pay their final respects–and allow the body to ripen–before we begin the disposal process.”

Drive-by services are scheduled for 2 pm this afternoon. Condolences may be sent to your local TV station–attn: Chief Meteorologist.

Gordon D. Groundhog Rest in Peace
Gordon D. Groundhog
Rest in Peace
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17 Comments on “Weather Forecaster Found Dead

    • That story is just too strange all the way around. First, Chuck was actually Charlotte, then the Mayor trying to cop a feel on the groundhog, causing her to leap from his arms, then the zoo claiming he/she died from natural causes.
      I’ve heard of people who’d rather lie than tell the truth, but this is ridiculous.

      Like

  1. I well remember that piece from last year, Russell. It was one of the funniest I think you’ve done since I’ve been reading your work. It had me laughing out loud. It was well worth repeating. Bravo. 😀 — Suzanne

    Like

  2. Cleverly written, Russell. To find two references to a groundhog in one week means it must have some significance to Americans – this Brit is stilll in the dark!

    Like

    • I surprised the Weather Channel even bothered to stay on the air. The next thing you know, they’ll blame Gordon’s death on global warming.

      Like

  3. Greetings! I’ve been following your website for a long time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead
    and give you a shout out from Houston Tx! Just wanted
    to say keep up the excellent work!

    Like

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