What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
An Accident Waiting to Happen
What’s that distant rumble? Is it thunder?
No, it’s the roar of motorcycles approaching Northwest Arkansas for the 16th Annual Bikes, Blues, and BBQ. The event officially kicks off on Wednesday and builds to a crescendo before reaching an undulating climax late Saturday night. (You won’t read that description in the newspaper.)
I feel sorry for those poor Biker Babes who can’t afford adequate clothing. It breaks my heart to see them walking up and down Dickson St. wearing nothing but sunglasses, boots, and a couple of bandanas held together with thin strips of leather. What if they get in an accident? I hope their mother reminded them to put on clean underwear.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the EMT who doctors writer’s rash (only if you’re sporting clean prose) is Clara “Fruit of the Loom” Barton Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Steve thumbed through the script of questions prepared especially for us.
“How many grandchildren do you and Connie have, Russell?”
“We’ve got five grandchildren.”
“Do you ever worry about having an accident when the children are in the car?”
“I wouldn’t say I worry about an accident, but the thought has crossed my mind. If the urge hits while I’m driving, I clamp my knees together and try to hold it until we get home or to the nearest gas station. I’ll admit, we’ve had a few close calls.”
“I see.” Steve bit his lower lip and nodded in agreement.
____________________________________________________
*The above is an excerpt from “Saving Hollywood,” a factual account of the filming of an auto insurance commercial earlier this summer.
62 Comments on “An Accident Waiting to Happen”
I'd love to hear from you
Purchase ‘One Idiot Short of a Village’
Purchase ‘The Perils of Heavy Thinking’
What's So Funny? 
Hilarious, Russell. You need to really watch how much coffee you drink at those restaurants along the way. With grandchildren in the car though, you’re probably always watching for rest stops. Our son was famous for waiting until we got between rest stops before he alerted us to an emergency. Well done yet again. 😀 — Suzanne
LikeLike
At my age, I have a bladder about the size of a chipmunk’s.
LikeLike
Is there such a term as snorting out loud, because that’s what I did. Great fun.
LikeLike
Yes, I think there is such a term. Snorting is good–unless you happen to be drinking coffee at the time. Glad you enjoyed it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh yes Gah, there is such a term — three of them in fact. SOL = snorting out loud, SCCOL = snorting coffee and choking out loud 🙂
LikeLike
Still chuckling. Bravo. So true after a “certain age”.
LikeLike
We used to drive for hours without stopping, now we barely make it past the mailbox.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Grandpa Russell,
I take it that Steve is your insurance agent? Is he Depend-able? I almost experienced bladder splatter myself reading this. I hope you keep a coffee can (with a lid) for those can’t-wait moments. I’d comment more but…(wait for it)…
Gotta-go-gotta-go-gotta-go-right-now.
Shalom,
Clara FOTL Barton WF
LikeLike
Dear Clara,
No, Steve was the hired by the ad agency to interview those selected for The Hartford auto insurance TV advertisements. I don’t think he’d ever met anyone quite like us.
An empty Gatorade bottle works well for me, but I hate to use it when the grandkids are in the car. It doesn’t set a very good example.
Stay dry,
Grandpa
LikeLike
Russell, you’ve done it again. I look forward to your stories. They always make me smile. Alicia
LikeLike
Aww, what a nice thing to say. That’s music to my ears.
LikeLike
Is that under comprehensive or liability coverage? Too, too funny.
LikeLike
Depends.
LikeLike
I’ve been away for some time, but now that I’m back, I’m so glad your blog still causes me to LOL — or perhaps that should be SCCOL and that you and Connie are still causing consternation for semi-authority figures 😀
LikeLike
It’s good to see you back, Lyn. We’re still making people shake their heads and snort.
LikeLiked by 1 person
very pleased to hear it 😀
LikeLike
So funny. Better stick to short trips, Russell.
LikeLike
Good advice. Maybe I’ll even take an extra change of clothes–just in case.
LikeLike
Snort! Chortle! Choke! Once again, I don’t know what I like better, your intro (nice, Ms Clara) or the story itself. The joys… just be glad you didn’t bear children, Russell! Brings the bladder thing to a whole ‘nother level!
LikeLike
Men aren’t tough enough to have babies. Glad you enjoyed the intro too. Beware of writers rash. It’s hard to get rid of.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha! Ain’t that the truth!
Oh dear…what are the signs of writer’s rash?
LikeLike
LOL … those aren’t just letters, I’m really laughing out loud. It’s late too.
My hubby is going to think I’ve lost my mind tomorrow.
You hit it out of the park.
Isadora 😎
LikeLike
Thank you, Isadora. I just tell it like it is.
LikeLiked by 1 person
AND … you tell it well. 😎
LikeLike
Thank you (blushing)
LikeLike
i think accidents happen when folks drink too much and drive. by drink, i mean, any kind of liquid. 🙂
LikeLike
Gatorade is the worst for me. I can drink 4 ounces and pee 16.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is sooo funny, I think I’ll be grinning most of the morning.
LikeLike
They say it takes fewer muscles to smile than frown. I’m glad this one worked for you.
LikeLike
Great punch line, though someone ought to tell him about portable urinals for male (and femael) drivers!
LikeLike
Sounds like you’ve had some experience with those.
LikeLike
Oh my, you are killing me! This made me laugh, snort, chock and almost had an accident. Another great story.
LikeLike
Ooops, clamp those knees together. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
*choke not chock, lol
LikeLike
I rather liked chock, sort of between a choke and a chuckle, with a bit of chortle mixed in.
I may well use it in future.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I like it too.
LikeLike
lol
LikeLike
Have you never thought of a rubber hose extension out of the window?
Then all you have to do is make sure the brats, sorry, grandkids, keep theirs closed.
And don’t drive a convertible.
# 54 Drown them in the flood, Judd…
LikeLike
PS very funny.
# 55 Beware of the underwearer, Clara
LikeLike
I think a little hole in the floorboard might work better. Gravity feed.
#55 Slip and fall in the dribble, Sybil….
LikeLike
I have a notion that there are diapers for grown-ups.. those rest-areas are so disgusting so the alternative might feel better.. 🙂
LikeLike
That’s a warm feeling I don’t want to get used to.
LikeLike
Another funny one Russell & the comments are just as hilarious 🙂
LikeLike
I think the comments are great fun, and I’m blessed to have to many blog friends visit here.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I say better this kind of accident than the one that sends you off the bridge. Besides, your grandchildren would probably get a kick out of it! Ha ha. Very funny, Russell.
LikeLike
“Hey, Papaw, what’s that wet spot on your pants?”
“Uh, . . . I spilled my drink.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha. Good one, Russell. 🙂
LikeLike
You might be nearing the point when you’re using one of these, Russell: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000M3DCHI/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_1?pf_rd_p=1944687522&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B00F0VX4MK&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=15D6KBE0M7HZA4YZGH1Q. Just make sure that the five grandkids have a healthy distraction while you’re relieving yourself. Maybe point out the scantily clad Biker Babes to divert their attention from what’s going on (or flowing out) of Gramps in the driver’s seat.
LikeLike
Thanks for thinking of me. I see it comes with a female adapter so we can pass it back & forth. How convenient. 🙂
Was it you who wrote that glowing testimonial on Amazon?
LikeLike
No, not me. I barely have time to write blog comments these days.
LikeLike
LOL. Love this story and the names you concoct for Rochelle!
For a second I was fooled into thinking it was going to be a serious piece with all those questions about “accidents with children in the car”. How could I have thought that given your track record of humor? …
Very nicely written.
LikeLike
The very young and very old both have these types of “accidents.” It’s not as serious as a car wreck, but can be pretty embarrassing. I wonder how much insurance would cost for this type of coverage? 🙂
LikeLike
Okay, THAT was funny!
LikeLike
Glad you were amused.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Har! Har! The play on the word ‘accident’ was too much 🙂 Should have told him to ‘go in peace brother’. Is writing these wonderful posts like a piece of cake for you?
LikeLike
Glad you enjoyed it.
Writing humor is no different that other genres. Some days it comes easy, and some days you work your tail off just to grind through it. This one was pretty easy.
LikeLike
I seem to be missing the fiction part of your post. You are so good at telling stories.
LikeLike
Your comment left me chuckling. You nailed me on that one, Patti. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
We must be on the same wavelength, since when I first read the word accident in your story, that’s what I thought of. Of course, I was thinking of the grandkids, not the driver. 🙂
LikeLike
There’s nothing worse in a car than the smell of soiled Depends. Even the dog is holding his nose.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really do know what you are talking about – Oh, the Shame of it All! You are funny Russell! Tell the dog to stick his head out the window – it will be much nicer! Nan
LikeLike
The dog does stick his head out the window, but then he farts.
LikeLike