An Accident Waiting to Happen

What’s that distant rumble? Is it thunder?

No, it’s the roar of motorcycles approaching Northwest Arkansas for the 16th Annual Bikes, Blues, and BBQ. The event officially kicks off on Wednesday and builds to a crescendo before reaching an undulating climax late Saturday night. (You won’t read that description in the newspaper.)

I feel sorry for those poor Biker Babes who can’t afford adequate clothing. It breaks my heart to see them walking up and down Dickson St. wearing nothing but sunglasses, boots, and a couple of bandanas held together with thin strips of leather. What if they get in an accident? I hope their mother reminded them to put on clean underwear.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the EMT who doctors writer’s rash (only if you’re sporting clean prose) is Clara “Fruit of the Loom” Barton Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - The Reclining Gentleman
copyright – The Reclining Gentleman

Steve thumbed through the script of questions prepared especially for us.

“How many grandchildren do you and Connie have, Russell?”

“We’ve got five grandchildren.”

“Do you ever worry about having an accident when the children are in the car?”

“I wouldn’t say I worry about an accident, but the thought has crossed my mind. If the urge hits while I’m driving, I clamp my knees together and try to hold it until we get home or to the nearest gas station. I’ll admit, we’ve had a few close calls.”

“I see.” Steve bit his lower lip and nodded in agreement.

____________________________________________________

*The above is an excerpt from “Saving Hollywood,” a factual account of the filming of an auto insurance commercial earlier this summer.

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62 thoughts on “An Accident Waiting to Happen

  1. Hilarious, Russell. You need to really watch how much coffee you drink at those restaurants along the way. With grandchildren in the car though, you’re probably always watching for rest stops. Our son was famous for waiting until we got between rest stops before he alerted us to an emergency. Well done yet again. 😀 — Suzanne

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  2. Dear Grandpa Russell,

    I take it that Steve is your insurance agent? Is he Depend-able? I almost experienced bladder splatter myself reading this. I hope you keep a coffee can (with a lid) for those can’t-wait moments. I’d comment more but…(wait for it)…
    Gotta-go-gotta-go-gotta-go-right-now.

    Shalom,

    Clara FOTL Barton WF

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    1. Dear Clara,
      No, Steve was the hired by the ad agency to interview those selected for The Hartford auto insurance TV advertisements. I don’t think he’d ever met anyone quite like us.

      An empty Gatorade bottle works well for me, but I hate to use it when the grandkids are in the car. It doesn’t set a very good example.

      Stay dry,
      Grandpa

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  3. I’ve been away for some time, but now that I’m back, I’m so glad your blog still causes me to LOL — or perhaps that should be SCCOL and that you and Connie are still causing consternation for semi-authority figures 😀

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  4. Snort! Chortle! Choke! Once again, I don’t know what I like better, your intro (nice, Ms Clara) or the story itself. The joys… just be glad you didn’t bear children, Russell! Brings the bladder thing to a whole ‘nother level!

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  5. Have you never thought of a rubber hose extension out of the window?
    Then all you have to do is make sure the brats, sorry, grandkids, keep theirs closed.
    And don’t drive a convertible.
    # 54 Drown them in the flood, Judd…

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  6. You might be nearing the point when you’re using one of these, Russell: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000M3DCHI/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_1?pf_rd_p=1944687522&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B00F0VX4MK&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=15D6KBE0M7HZA4YZGH1Q. Just make sure that the five grandkids have a healthy distraction while you’re relieving yourself. Maybe point out the scantily clad Biker Babes to divert their attention from what’s going on (or flowing out) of Gramps in the driver’s seat.

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  7. LOL. Love this story and the names you concoct for Rochelle!

    For a second I was fooled into thinking it was going to be a serious piece with all those questions about “accidents with children in the car”. How could I have thought that given your track record of humor? …

    Very nicely written.

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    1. The very young and very old both have these types of “accidents.” It’s not as serious as a car wreck, but can be pretty embarrassing. I wonder how much insurance would cost for this type of coverage? 🙂

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