Dumb as a Post

Today, I passed one of those Men at Work signs along the highway. According to Department of Labor, this phrase is intended to imply that somewhere within a quarter-mile radius one poor sap is working his tail off while five or six more lean on shovels and discuss the weather, sports, and that hot young waitress down at The Rowdy Beaver.

I’m thinking about ordering a Man at Work sign for around the house. That way, when Connie comes to check on the progress of a project she’s assigned me, she won’t have to ask what I’m doing when she finds me standing there stroking my chin whiskers. She’ll know I’m hard at work figuring out where to find some poor sap to do the job while I keep the shovel from falling over.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Bosshoss of this road crew of shovel-leaners is Sammie “Spade” Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to fill an empty pothole with one of your stories, visit her site and follow the step-by-step instructions. To view the jury box of writers in FFF  Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Madison Woods
copyright – Madison Woods

“Marge, did you hear that Mayor Peterson wants to build a fence around the cemetery?”

“Why would he want to do that? Those dead people aren’t rising up again, are they?”

“No, it’s to keep the illegally dead out. You know, those who died here without proper documentation and are demanding to receive the same benefits as those who died legally.”

“What benefits?”

“For one thing, they get free lawn care all summer and artificial flowers on Memorial Day.”

“Won’t they just climb over or tunnel under the fence?

“Of course they will. Mayor Peterson is dumb as a post.”


39 Comments on “Dumb as a Post

  1. Dear Mayor Pete,

    For a moment I feared that you were going to regurgitate some lame old joke about people dying to get into the cemetery. I can’t tell you how relieved I am that you didn’t. I’d hate to have to pull your link for bad humor. Let me know how that Man at Work sign works for you. Somehow I can’t see Connie being fooled by it but it never hurts to try.

    Shalom or in other words, rest in peace.

    Mrs. Spade to you.


    • Dear Sammie,
      I’ve been known to sink pretty low and regurgitate old jokes and lame stories, but the “dying to get in” one is below even my standards for bad humor. Instead, I attempted to poke fun at those who want fences around everything.

      Personally, I think a purple velvet rope suspended between gold stands might look nice around my plot, as long as it didn’t impede the lawn care or those bringing artificial flowers.

      As for fooling Connie, I don’t think it’s possible to get up early enough in the morning to slide one past her. But perhaps I can postponed the inevitable for an hour or two.

      Happy digging,
      Mayor Pete


  2. You had me going, too, but I was thinking more about the “no complaining on the part of the tenants.” You took a great take on the prompt. This really was ingenious.
    OK, maybe not ingenious … but original. So far as I know.
    Don’t get too “carried away” as they say in the biz. 😀


  3. Tunnelling does not sound a good idea. Love that you took a different look at barbed wire. Mike


    • Thanks, Mike. I suppose as long as you stay close to the edge and don’t dig too deep, you might not run into any obstacles.


  4. This was fun… and no, Connie will definitely NOT fall for it… just sayin’…


  5. Dumb as a post might just be the most appropriate phrase- my laughter even woke the dead…haha not really. Good one though 🙂


  6. Hehe. Let them in, and you make the illegal dead into the grateful dead, and then you can dedicate your time to the men at work. I think I’m showing my age here…
    Funny and original, as always.


  7. I don’t know which I enjoy more, your intros or your stories. I’m giving it grave consideration. Nah… that didn’t work. I’ll leave it up to you.


    • I’m glad the bus driver doesn’t chastise me for the intros, and I’m thankful for those to take time to read them. Now, let’s sing a hymn together.


  8. Russell, always such a pleasure. I enjoy your intros, too. Your story is original and fresh, even when it’s about dead people. 🙂


  9. I agree about the intro. The main story was funny, but your intro was hilarious. Don’t try to fool your wife, though. Here I thought people were into “leaving” a graveyard in one way or another. Well done, Russell. 😀 — Suzanne


    • Glad you enjoyed it. I just don’t know why we never see Women at Work signs? Maybe because we don’t need a sign to tell us they’re working.


  10. I’m with Sandra, I look forward to your intro, every time! I can’t help but see Connie rolling her eyes each week. 😉 Very humorous and clever. I could see a couple of different meanings here, but the straight forward one had me smirking. Love your brand of humor and straight talk, Russell!


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