Blind in One Ear

How many of you remember sonic booms? If you do, all I’ve got to say is, “Damn, you’re old.”

I’m not sure what year they outlawed planes breaking the sound barrier (maybe one of our History Detectives will reveal the date in the comments section), but those earth-shattering explosions in the sky would rattle windows for miles around—much like a former co-worker of mine when he “broke wind.”

I’m not blaming my hearing loss on either of those events. A recent accident at the Ear, Nose, & Throat Clinic has left me with a hole in my right eardrum. Now, I’m the proverbial old man who’s blind in one ear and can’t see out of the other.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the talented artist who can teach you to color outside the lines is Binney-Smith Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to dip your toe in this brave new venture, visit her site and follow the step-by-step instructions. To view the kaleidoscope of writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Kent Bonham
copyright – Kent Bonham

“Grandma, do you know what happened to my crayons?”

“Uncle Kent got an adult coloring book today. You should’ve seen him. He was so excited. He grabbed your crayons and ran outside.”

“I saw the book, but why did he—”

“You know, therapists say creating artwork can help adults explore their feelings, reconcile emotional conflicts, foster self-awareness, manage behavior and addictions, develop social skills, improve reality orientation, reduce anxiety and increase self-esteem.”

“When I see him, Uncle Kent’s gonna get a dose of reality orientation.”

“Why do you say that, Sweetheart?”

“He chewed the wrapper off every crayon.”

 

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67 thoughts on “Blind in One Ear

  1. Dear Crayola,

    You really have to watch Uncle Kent these days. It could be that he’s not getting enough fiber in his diet. Colorful story. Meanwhile I’m keeping a close watch on my crayons. Yep, I have the box with the sharpener.

    Shalom,

    Binney

    1. Dear Binney,

      I pictured you as one who keeps their crayons honed to a point. Artists are usually very particular about their tools. I think it’s the waxy flavor that appeals to Uncle Kent. I hope he doesn’t get Forest Green stuck between his teeth.

      Color me tickled pink,
      Crayola

      1. Kent,
        You should invite Nan & Mike over for a crayon chewing party. I can see this sparking a new kind of social event. Non-profits could even start throwing such parties for fund raisers. You’re really onto something here.

  2. I got myself an adult comic book but I had a little trouble coloring inside the lines. Some of the crayon got on my neighbor. At least I didn’t eat any of the crayons, although the yellow was tempting because it reminded me of a banana, favorite food of old guys. I think Uncle Kent ought to stick to taking the pictures and not coloring them in.

    1. I thought the yellow looked enticing too. I laid it on the counter hoping it would ripen some more, but it’s still hard as a rock. Plus, it doesn’t peel very easy.

    1. If you don’t believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it, too. I was definitely in school girl giddy mode. Loved it, Russell! 😀

      Now, if I could only quit defecating in primary colors …

  3. If you don’t believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it, too. I was definitely in school girl giddy mode. Loved it, Russell! 😀

    Now, if I could only quit defecating in primary colors …

  4. Cute story. I need to tell those reasons for adults to color to my acholic friend. I remember when the planes made so much noise landing and taking off at JFK. When was about 5 miles from me. As kids we stopped to watch the planes as the rattled pass.

    1. We lived close to the train tracks once. It came through about midnight every night. The first two nights, the vibration almost shook us out of bed. We soon got used to it.

  5. Why is it we want to undress the crayon? Then I get mad because I don’t have the “official” name of said colour afterwards… Hmmm… Bad uncle Kent!!

  6. Must say I was very disappointed when I bought an adult colouring book. I took off and locked myself into a room and with trembling hands opened the book and what the fudge? Nothing adult about that book, I am thinking of launching a class action suit against the publishers.

  7. We used to have Concorde pass overhead. You’d know they were there by the sonic boom even if you couldn’t always see them because of the clouds.
    I hope your ear gets better soon, I put a hole in my eardrum when I was about 10. I was cleaning my ear with a cotton bud and a song I liked came on the radio so I started dancing with the cotton bud still in my ear. The song went ‘hands up, baby hands up’ so you can see how it all went horribly wrong! All I really remember is blood, pain and crying in doctor’s surgery because he said I couldn’t go swimming for three months! Anyway, it healed up and my hearing came back nearly all the way.

  8. I’d say Uncle Kent is in for an earful from ‘Sweetheart’. I hope he feels duly chastised when it’s done, and mends his ways. This is a very funny story, Russell, as usual. I hope your eardrum can be mended quickly. Poor you.

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