What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
The Waves of Our Lives
Have you ever noticed in those commercials for Viagra and Cialis how the narrator always says, “Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for sex.” Well, I’ve never asked Dr. Bogomilov, but I imagine his response would be, “Vell, I guess you can try dat if you vant, but I tink you vill find it more pleasurable if you use a different organ.”
This leads me to the conclusion that somewhere in their twelve to fifteen years of medical school, physicians must required to take one of Dr. Kropotkin’s courses such as; Hospital Humor, Bedside Manner for Dummies, or The Human Funny Bone and How to Tickle it.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the therapist who can teach you how to use your noodle to write 100 word stories is Karola Siegel (aka Dr. Ruth) Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like a book a session, visit her site and follow the step-by-step instructions. To view the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Janet, must you go?
Yes, Roger. This feeling’s been building in me for a long time. I can’t put it off any longer.
But what if they try to stop you?
Then I’ll do what I have to. I’ve never been one to make waves, but this is something I must do. They’ve left me no choice.
But you could be arrested, thrown in jail. What would that prove?
Perhaps my sacrifice would open the door for someone else.
Janet, you are the most courageous woman I’ve ever met.
Don’t be so melodramatic, Roger. I’m just going to the restroom.
Yes, this is my take on the transgender bathroom snafu that has so many people’s bowels in turbulence. If Janet wants to stand at the urinal next to mine and relieve herself, I really don’t have a problem with it–just as long as she doesn’t point and laugh.
Last week, asumani offered me a 75% discount if I could go three weeks without writing about bodily functions. Looks like someone is due a full refund.
54 Comments on “The Waves of Our Lives”
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Purchase ‘One Idiot Short of a Village’
Purchase ‘The Perils of Heavy Thinking’
What's So Funny? 
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! When the sentence “must you go?” came up, I knew it. Game over.
As for your introduction, I’d say this — Woody Allen said he asked his psychiatrist if sex was dirty and his psychiatrist told him, “Only if you’re doing it right.”
Needless to say, in Dr. Ruth’s case, I’ll never see an onion ring the same way again.
Where’s my refund?
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Yes, I gave away the plot too early, didn’t I? Just call me Mr. Predictable.
As for your refund, you’ll have to wait until the next OWL meeting.
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Dear Roger,
I love where this prompt took you…leave it to you to see a seascape and potty thoughts. This is one of your deeper stories. Looking forward to setting you straight at the next OWL meeting. I’m pretty sure Notnek and I will be there and might shlepp Jan along for the ride. Just remember the words of the housekeeping staff at Honeysuckle Inn, “We aim to please, you aim, too, please.”
Shalom,
Dr. Karola Ruth Siegel.
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Why, thank you Dr. Ruth. I thought I’d break away from my usual shallow, juvenile style and write something of true substance–even though that substance might be rather sticky.
I’ve submitted this little piece to “As the Stomach Turns” in hopes they recognize talent when they see it and offer me a position in their stable of writers cranking out daily drama. If you’ve watched any of their programs you’ll notice they’re sorely missing great bathroom scenes. I can help rectify that situation. They can go directly from my scenes straight into the commercials for toilet tissue, hemorrhoid creams, laxatives. You can’t ask for more than that from a writer.
Happy Memorial Day,
Roger
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Oh, man, you’re going to get me kicked outa the library again, man. cackling laughter in silence is HARD!
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Sorry about that. Perhaps you could ask the librarian to read it aloud and see how she reacts.
I’m glad you got a kick out of it.
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You had me smiling and then laughing, well done.
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Thank you, Michael. Your words are sweet music to my hears.
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What else can I say than: hehehehe, priceless.
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Chuckles are good for the soul.
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which one was better, the preamble or the post, well i can’t decide, congrats for both
http://obliqview.blogspot.in/2016/05/suicide-photo-prompt-rochellewisoff.html
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the pre-ramble was my favorite, especially the Dr. Ruth reference. Glad you liked them both.
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it’s not really fair for women to experience long lines going to restrooms especially in public places. i think it’s high time to make all restrooms available for everybody regardless of sex. i guess we can’t be too prudish. if you have seen one, you’d seen them all anyway. 🙂
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I would have to agree with you as to the prudish part. Using the potty is not sex thing. It’s merely humans excreting waste. We all do it. What’s the big deal?
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If you only knew how often I have snuck into the men’s restroom when the lines in the women’s was too long… 😉
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I probably don’t have enough fingers and toes to count that far.
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Well now… not *that* often. But still!
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That was funny! Well-done. Chuckling to myself at 2:00 a.m. Not a bad thing to do at this ungodly hour.
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What are you doing up at 2 am? Here’s my prescription. Read two blog posts and call me in the morning (preferably late morning–or early afternoon).
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Hahaha! I was trying to make up for last week, when I barely read any posts (it was hectic last week). So, I went ahead and read a whopping fifty-nine posts last night.
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Very good! The absolute sincerity in the earlier lines makes the punchline even funnier! It’s great to see the funny side of this utterly ridiculous world we live in!
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Yes, our crazy world makes writing humor easy. All you have to do is report the facts.
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Funny upheavals in the US at the moment. It’ll be all over soon and everyone can settle down again. A lovely piece of satire here.
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Thanks, Patrick.
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One day we’ll look back at all this and laugh especially if someone remembers your stories, Russell. Both parts were hilarious. By the middle of the second part, I was laughing out loud. I keep wondering what the U.S. history books will say about this year. Well done. 😀 — Suzanne
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I guess it’ll be remembered as the year we wet our pants because we couldn’t decide where to go. Personally, I prefer to pee outdoors, or in the road if I’m listening to the Beatles.
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Either I missed the clue or you didn’t give away the plot until your explanation afterwards!
Unless ‘restroom’ is gender-specific in the US?
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Yes, here in the good ol’ USA, we’re very modest and harbor a terrible fear that someone of the opposite sex might see our privates. The government is having a hard time figuring out which stall the transgender folks need to sit in.
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I laughed so much I too had to make a dash for it! Nice one.
Visit Keith’s Ramblings
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I hope you made it in time.
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Russell, must you go?…this potty path? You couldn’t hold it in could you Russell? …even for a 75% discount?
ha ha. Enjoyed it.
On the serious side of this story – It can be disconcerting to have someone of another ‘gender’ in your ‘gender’ bathroom but ,as you say, as long as they don’t point and laugh it harms no one. I was in Janet’s position once and fed up of the wait line for the ladies room just went into the empty /unused men’s room. Did get some looks from the ladies in the line but I had to go and no one offered me a 75% discount 😉
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You’re right. I couldn’t hold it in for 3 weeks. 🙂
And I have used a ladies room as well. Sometimes we can’t hold it forever.
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Doesn’t anyone remember “Allly McBeal”? They had a unisex bathroom. They got over it and continued using it (and having all sorts of discussions in it). What the hell is the big deal?
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Now that you mention it, I do remember that. It was a fun show. A person could do a great radio show from bathrooms, POTTY TALK. 🙂
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I can always count on you to give me a good laugh. I especially liked the introduction. Have you ever considered taking your act on the road? It would be a great success. Thanks for the smiles.
@sheilamgood at Cow Pasture Chronicles
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People have told me I should be on the stage. But the type they were referring to had four wheels and was pulled by a team of horses.
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LOL! I had something bigger in mind and with a mic and spotlight.
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So… I have one again left my mark (get it?) here and there in the comment section. Do hope you don’t mind, Mr. Gayer…
As is so often the case, your preamble is a laugh in itself.
Good of you to tackle a serious matter in such a light-hearted way!
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Thank you, Dale. I love multiple comments. Many times the comments on this blog are even funnier than the story and intro combined.
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True dat! But you are fun regardless…
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Aww . . . what a sweet thing to say. I’m blushing. 🙂
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This is a great spin on this whole thing. I should everyone should read and get some perspective! Everyone needs to lighten up. Great piece, Russell.
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Yes, I believe we live in a country controlled entirely by idiots.
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LOL. That last line had me laughing out loud. Loved it.
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Thank you, Irene.
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Great one! Had me fooled, built perfectly, and we all wound up in the bathroom. Ya can’t do better than that! And is my heart healthy for sex? Looks like I may never find out.
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Exactly. I beginning to think potty humor is all I can write.
As far as your heart goes, what about that blind, deaf, and dumb girl you were telling me about? What’s her name again . . . Rosy?
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Clearly you CAN write something other than potty humor, but let’s admit… it gives us all snort! 😉 Good build up there, Russell!
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Thank you for having so much confidence in me, Dawn. With this topic in the news, I just couldn’t help but work it into a story.
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Ha. that fear is so fun… really.
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Which one? Having sex with asking your doctor? Or being caught in the wrong restroom?
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Aahhh, timely humor. I love it!
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I think they set you up for that, to make you pay back asumani. I smell a conspiracy. Hopefully that’s all, considering the bathroom humor. They’ve really made a big stink over that.
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Yes. Personally, I think we’re way to modest in this country. Gee, we’re not in there to compare genitals (that’s what the shower is for). We’re there to do our business and get out.
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