Double Bogey on the Back 9*

One of my all-time favorite Far Side cartoons featured a piano player in a western saloon. Seeing the villain was about to stroll through the bat-wing doors, he announced, “Uh-oh, bad guy, switch to minor key.”

If I’d listened to Gary Larson, this week’s story would have been written in F-flat minor (even though there’s no such key as F-flat minor), but who am I to take advice from a comic genius.

Instead, I kept rotating the photo at 90 degree angles trying to get feel for what the individual in the picture might be trying to accomplish. Judging from the garb and dialect (muffled cursing), I deemed there was only one sub-species of the human race that could possibly get himself in such a predicament.

If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, the host of this weekly blogging tournament is Susie “Sandtrap” Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view FFF author leader board click here.

copyright - John Nixon
copyright – John Nixon

Myron Muldoon Mackintosh was prone to getting in sticky situations. Even though he rarely made the cut, he was one of the most popular players on the tour.

His antics off the course were legendary. The supermarket gossips rags documented every aspect of his private life. A recent cover photo of him cavorting with the Doublemint Twins, dressed in red and green plaid bikinis, had created a rift with his sponsor.

“Mackintosh, this is your last chance,” declared the Minnesota-based, manufacturing giant.

At the U.S. Open, he revolutionized golf by inventing the piano shot, now known as the Flying 3M.

*This week I tapped into one of my most powerful skillsets–laziness, by reposting this little story from June 2013 without changing a single word.

I was extremely flattered this morning to find “Susie Sandtrap” had linked my name to the great Gary Larson, a true comedic genius. I can’t wait until follow in his footsteps with What’s So Funny? coffee cups, T-shirts, and calendars.

Maybe then, I’ll be considered in the same class as that guy from Pennsylvania who was recently published in Humor Outcasts.

31 Comments on “Double Bogey on the Back 9*

  1. I enjoyed your take on this, Russell.
    It is not easy to write something intelligible about a chap wearing argyle socks, plus twos and a small piano.
    Like me, you didn’t even try!


    • Nah, why bother. One thing that does intrigue me about the photo is the shadow of the wind-up key on the wall. I wonder why no one has included that? Perhaps Dale will.


  2. I interpreted the shadow as light shining through a building site, but totally ignored that idea and went for fantasy. At least you avoided – just – making your antihero Irish!


    • He’s a Scot, actually. If his head wasn’t buried in the piano, you could have seen the resemblance to C.E. Ayr. He has a wry sense of humor and is a hit with the ladies.


  3. I think that’s the first I’ve read that’s mentioned the golfing garb. Full marks again this week, Russell.


    • I’m not a golf fan, but there is one outlandish dresser on the pro tour (from Arkansas, ironically) he better known for his antics off the course than his ability to sink a little ball in a small hole in the grass.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Sir Russell of Gayer,

    The origin of the 3M Company’s colorful logo was clever and the proverbial “hoot.” Let M. M. Mackintosh know that he is to keep his putter well-maintained and his balls CLEAN.

    Three out of three fingers. I’d have given you five out of five, but, as we already know, the “golf clap” utilizes only three. Any case, well done!

    Sir Kent of Bonham


    • Careful with those fingers, Sir Kent. We don’t know where they’ve been (and not sure I want to know).

      Mr. Mackintosh appreciates your advice and thanks you for not counting his strokes.

      Sir Russell


  5. Dear Gary Larceny

    It took a moment to register…3M and argyle socks. Guess I’m so buried in my novel, my brain is elsewhere–more than usual, I mean. You give new meaning to the word clubbing. Thanks for the weakly laughs.



    PS It’s not a typo.


    • Dear Susie Sandtrap,

      I apologize for reusing the same name as three years ago. Perhaps Igor borrowed your brain to install in Dr. Frank’s latest monster, Bee Author of Many Books. Perhaps we can find an argyle knickerbockers for your next book signing. Surely, they make them in purple.

      So long from the Far Out Side,

      Gary Larceny


    • Maybe the granddaughters of the Doublemint Twins would be a better choice. In that case, there would have been four of them. How nice for Myron.


  6. Hilarious, Russell. I love the special golf shot. Although, I never saw one that required the golfer to follow the ball that closely. It must he hard on him. Well done. 😀 — Suzanne


  7. So many Ms, 3M should pay you ad fees. 😀 Very funny story. And Loré has used the key in her story.


  8. Believe me you do not want to be in the same class as the class that guy from Pennsylvania who was recently published in Humor Outcasts is in the class of. I had to pay them to publish it. By the word. Had to sell my entire collection of Myron Muldoon’s golf clothes too. Let alone my piano. I knew the freelance business didn’t pay so well, but I never knew it cost so much!
    Now can you get us a meet and greet with the Doublemint Twins dressed in red and green plaid bikinis? No? Okay. How about Susie Sandtrap?


    • You and the Doublemint Twins should get along splendidly as they too are formerly cute. They are thrilled about meeting you and asked that you stop by the Wrigley retirement center for a visit. At their age, they look about as good in a bikini as you do in a Speedo.


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