Bad news for Arkansas
Here in Arkansas, it’s not often we get to brag about leading the nation in any particular category. With our puny number of electoral votes (6), presidential candidates rarely even bother to stop in for a cup of coffee.
People from other states tend to view us as backwoods hicks who rarely look beyond the nearest limb on the family tree when choosing a mate. We have a long tradition of being near the bottom in education, economics, and average number of teeth per capita.
That’s why today’s headline in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette hit most Arkansans like a sucker-punch in the beer gut. We worked long and hard to earn the Obesity title. It took years of potlucks, bar-b-ques, and all-you-can-eat buffets, plus an unwavering dedication to stay away from any kind of physical activity that might cause us to lose one precious ounce.
Now, those damn Cajuns from the south have not only stolen our title, but kicked us out of the top five. It’s embarrassing, I tell ya. I hope everyone in the state is as outraged as I am.
Tomorrow starts a new season of college football. This means one thing–tailgating. I challenging everybody in the state to toss out their salads and boycott light beer. Let’s put on our big boy pants with the elastic waistband, and park our butts on the sofa with bucket of fried chicken, a bag of Doritos, and case of dark beer.
Louisiana may hold the title now, but if we all pull together, and sign that pledge card to gain at least five pounds, by this time next year we can once again proudly scream,