What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Criminal Mimes – reprise
Posted on October 12, 2016 by Russell Gayer
As a child, I was always loved to draw. One year, I got a Jon Gnagy instructional book for Christmas. It was full of projects designed to teach young artists how to draw a chubby-cheeked Mexican boy standing outside an adobe hacienda. I also loved those ads that challenged us to draw Winky” or “Lucky” and win a $10 cash prize. Somehow I always lost out to that short, little Jewish girl from Kansas City. Fifty years later, she bests me at writing too. Some things never change.
The last time I exposed myself to art, I was arrested for indecent exposure and destruction of public property. Who knew that a 300 yr. old marble statue could laugh? When I threw open my trench coat in front of the sculpture it cracked up—literally. I’m just glad the Mona Lisa wasn’t there. They’d still be trying to get that toothy grin off her face.
If you are new to Friday Flash Fictions, the curator of Literary Art is the esteemed W. C. (Wilmena Claudette) Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a booth in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Lucinda unlocked the back door and entered the kitchen. The furnishings had been rearranged and the oil lamps were burning. An eerie glow filled the room.
She took a quick inventory of her belongings. The only thing missing was a large invisible box she kept next to the refrigerator. Who would steal that?
The police dispatched Detective Lowry to investigate the crime. He checked for fingerprints. They must have worn gloves.
After taking Lucinda’s statement he started to leave, then noticed a white smudge on the mirror. It was face-paint.
“Damn those mimes,” he muttered. “I should have known.”
Here’s a blast from the past.
Category: humorTags: art contests, damn theiving mimes, draw Lucky, hard-boiled detectives, humor, where to hide an invisible box
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The only thing missing was a large invisible box.
I was reading along, happy as you please then “What?” I had to read that twice. ; – ) Hee Hee!
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Glad you didn’t trip over it. Those darn invisible boxes cause a lot of problems.
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What a crack up!
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Just like a busted egg, right?
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You’re such a yoker!
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but I always wanted to be a double yoker. Maybe there’s still time.
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Dear Lucky,
I don’t know if you know that I’m also a mime. I didn’t steal Lucinda’s invisible box. I was framed. Speaking of framed, you should know how to spell the artist’s name. I’ll let him correct you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIGMQbF7Ayk I remember watching those shows. The week he did a shaded bell I think half of my fourth grade class drew it, too. BTW, you are certifiable. Just thought you should know. I’m glad I’m totally sane. 😉
Shalom,
Wilmena Claudette
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Dear W.C.,
Why am I NOT surprised that you are also a mime? This falls right in line with all your other artistic talents. I can’t wait to see your video on invisible cake decorating.
J.B. Hogan declared me certifiable years ago, he even says so on the back cover of my book. Speaking of that, I will need someone to testify to my lack of sanity to help promote the next book.
It’s always the people who THINK they are sane that you have to watch out for. Those of us who know we are crazy aren’t much of a threat, except to your funny bone.
Draw me,
Lucky
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P.S. – fixed the spelling of Jon’s last name too.
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Very good and very unexpected. Those mimes!
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Don’t turn your back on them.
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This is definitely one of your best! I burst out laughing as I pictured the mime thief making off with the invisible box. Good thing I wasn’t eating or drinking; my computer screen would have been ruined 😀
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Thanks, Morgaine. I’m glad it gave you a laugh. This is a rerun from 2013, but to be honest, it’s one of my favorites too.
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This was great, Russell! I burst out laughing too.
I was waiting for Wilmena to let you in on her mime-thing 😛
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I can just see her in white-face. But her not talking? That’s more difficult to imagine.
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You do have a point on that one…
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I’m just surprised she could persuade the police to look for that invisible box.
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You’re going to have problems like this anywhere there’s a high concentration of mimes. But I’m sure Donald Trump has a plan to deal with it.
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Sorry Russell, I haven’t a clue as to what this piece is about. So, great take on the prompt, just love that last line, this is so funny, your best ever, and leastly, my favourite this week.
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Patrick,
According to Detective Lowry, you’re on the short list of suspects. The fact that you’re proclaiming ignorance raises even more suspicion.
And what’s that white stuff on your face?
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it’s always easy to blame a mime who can’t talk. 🙂
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Someone has to take the fall.
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I did actually catch Mr. Mime in Pokémon Go the other day… but apparently he doesn’t exist in the US.
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Was he carrying an invisible box? I hope you reported it to Detective Lowry.
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I knew the punch line was coming but I still read along like an unsuspecting sap. You made me laugh.Thanks.
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Thanks for playing along. Some punch lines are pretty predictable.
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This story was new to me. I wasn’t involved with FF back in 2013. Should I be involved now?
YIKES … I thought I was the only one living with a twisted bonger. LOLOL
I always know where to come for a hilarious belly laugh. AND …. all the comments are just as funny.
I have a new visual on clowns … and … mimes. Now, I’ll always think of WC when I see a mime.
Maybe, stand-up comedy could be in your future or now. ~~~ : – )
Isadora 😎
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I’ve done some humor speeches, but don’t think I’ll try stand-up comedy.
Thanks for your kind words.
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LOL. Dhe’ll never not see that box again. I still laugh about the toothy-grinned Mona Lisa too.
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Well, the Mona Lisa thing was a little embarrassing. At least she didn’t POINT and laugh.
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This mime’s obviously getting careless. But I’m going to conceal my own invisible things more carefully from now on, now that I know what can happen. Great story, and I love the title.
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Yes, the face paint gave him away. It’s always the little things that trip up a mime.
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The whole concept of this story is incredibly amusing and thought provoking. And the title is perfect!
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I appreciate the high praise. You’re making me blush.
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Invisible things and mimes naturally go together. Hilarious, Russell. 😀 — Suzanne
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Thanks, Suzanne.
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“The only thing missing was a large invisible box she kept next to the refrigerator.” This sentence elevated the story to a whole new level. Masterfully done, I tip my hat.
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Aw, thank you. What a nice thing to say.
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Oh my goodness…Winky. I have not saw that since i was a teen! geeze i did those. blew them up bigger or smaller..didn’t matter. I could do it. yet..all they ever wanted was for me to pay to go to their art school.. ugh…what a disappointment. And Jon Gnagy..wow.. i had several of his stuff too. Silly me. I taught myself how to draw and never needed a piece of paper to tell me i knew how to. lol….I was always the one who did what I wanted. I didn’t and still don’t join the art snobbery groups..lmao. Florida was full of them too. Meh…
I am the type that doesn’t exactly ” Go with the flow”. Oh well…;)
I enjoyed your post. 🙂
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Thanks for coming back to read one of my older posts, and I’m glad “Winky” brought back memories. I used to draw those too. I really enjoyed charcoals and pastels. Art can be very enjoyable and relaxing–not as much mental work as writing. 🙂
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True. Writing you have to have more quiet I guess and no interruptions. Well, my art is like that too sometimes. 😉
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The no interruptions part is critical. It always takes me 10 -15 minutes to get back into the story.
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Now I’m getting the picture — and not just of Winky. I remember Jon Gnagy’s Learn to Draw sessions, too. Guess that dates me?
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