Return of the Invisible Box

GOOD NEWS! We found the invisible box. After my post two weeks ago, several bloggers (who’ve asked to remain anonymous) came forward to report seeing a mime in the Kansas City area toting around an invisible square container.

Detective Lowry followed up on the informant’s tips to confirm whether the container in question was indeed “The Box” or just a cheap, imported Look-a-like from China. He discovered that it was the stolen box, and inside numerous blank photographs which the mime planned to use to confuse poor, unsuspecting bloggers.

If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, our facilitator (Congrats on 4 years of service), who would never intentionally mislead her loyal lemmings is Blind Melon Chitlin’ Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a booth in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

artist's rendering of the invisible box
artist’s rendering of the invisible box

I plodded down the hall with the speed and enthusiasm of a death-row inmate approaching the gallows. On the way, I contemplated my last words before the executioner’s paddle would bruise my tender buttocks.

The door was open and the principal, Mr. Kerr, sat behind his desk filling out some type of paperwork.

It could’ve been a report on the number of spankings in the last thirty days, or a requisition for new paddles. Rumor had it that Hillerich & Bradsby, the famous baseball bat manufacturer, had expanded their “educator series” by releasing a new product known as the Louisville Swatter.


Following Fearless Leader’s example, I’m throwing out an excerpt too. This is from my short story, “The Backside of Knowledge” which will be including in my upcoming book, One Idiot Short of a Village.

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62 thoughts on “Return of the Invisible Box

  1. Dear Marcel Marceau Gayer,

    I wonder if this story isn’t written in the voice of experience. I hope you’ve had the box tested for DNA to make sure it’s indeed the original. Nothing worse than an invisible box knock-off.

    Shalom,

    Blind Melon Chitlin’

    1. Dear Blind Melon Chitlin’

      Had it not been for the blank photographs, we would have never caught the perpetrator. Thankfully, she slipped up sometime during the last 24 hours and we were able to recover the invisible box before chaos reigned supreme in Bloggerville.

      Case Solved,
      Inspector Clouseau

  2. Why are you up so early? And how come you post this early when there’s no prompt for inspiration? And what’s the meaning of life, while I’m in interrogational mode?

    1. IN ANSWER TO SANDRA’S QUESTIONS

      Why, I was trying to track down the mime who stole the invisible box, of course. Clues were everywhere. That’s all the inspiration I needed.

      As far as the meaning of life, just send a non-tax-deductible donation to;
      The Invisible Box Charitable Fund
      PO Box 549
      Goshen, AR 72735
      Within three weeks you’ll receive the answer to all your questions.

      1. You’re right, Dale. I’m in box #7 this week. It’s the first time I’ve ever been above #25.
        I think the reason is not because I was early, but that so many people logged in and saw no photo prompt.

        Ha! That was just the inspiration I needed for the intro. After that, everything else fell into place.

    1. Of course you can’t, Patrick. That’s why I included the “artist’s rendering.”

      Yes, Mr. Kerr was the warden during the six years I was incarcerated at Root Elementary School.

  3. Ah, the impending doom of corporal punishment! Wonder what your character did to deserve that one? Stealing the contents of the box? A cheeky swipe at this mornings’s missing pic, which did, I confess have some of us in a flurry – what to do without FF? Love the idea the baseball bat manufacturers have a sideline in ‘educators’ – very funny 🙂

  4. There was an incident in the boys room involving a toilet that overflowed when flushed. Personally, I was not responsible for clogging of said toilet, but assigned the roll of “fall guy.”

    1. I was writing at 5 am this morning, and noticed there was no photo prompt on Blind Melon’s site. After studying this quandary for 3 to 5 seconds, I decided to move on without one. After all, Neil and Sandra didn’t let it stop them.

      Glad it gave you a smile, Alicia.

      1. Thanks Russell; I have missed the weekly thrills and chills! I did one last week and now this week… trying to get my self back in the game! I’ll take Paul Lind for the win! 😉 Thanks for taking the time, friend.

  5. Dear Sir or Madman
    I am appalled at your lack of civilisation.
    A baseball bat, indeed.
    In South Africa, where I was dragged up, one used a cricket bat, much classier.
    And in Scotland, the therapeutic thistle is the correctional implement of choice.
    Although not for the recipient, no one enjoys jaggy bits in their buttocks.

    PS any word on the cat?

    1. We are heathens in backwoods American. For an added level of cruelty, they’d sometimes make you cut your own switch. In today’s world, they’re afraid to touch the kids, so they send notes home to the parents instead and extort large sums of money under the guise of “fundraisers.”

      I believe they used something similar to a thistle in Arizona.

      We found the cat. It was in the hat.

      1. Similar to a thistle?
        Aaarrgghhh!!!
        I was unaware such a thing existed.

        PS An invisible hat?
        Nah, you are stretching my credulity too far.

  6. Oh lordy! I am killing myself laughing here. Not sure if it’s the intro, the story or the comments… but they are all responsible for my laughter!

    1. The reason they stopped spanking in schools was because too many teachers were suffering shoulder and elbow injuries, causing insurance premiums to rise. Kim probably preferred to be spanked with a feather boa.

  7. Ah, the board of education, I knew it well in my misspent youth. Mrs. Ferguson wielded “The Whistler” in my elementary school. On more than five occasions it did not deter my mischief. Thanks for the memory jogger, Russell. It may be the only exercise I get this week.

  8. Hilarious. I loved getting more of the invisible box caper, and your nostalgic trip down the hall to the principal’s office – well. I could have made good use of one of those educational swatters in my teaching days. Not allowed, however.

    1. There’s nothing like a few whacks on the bottom to send the message that bad behavior will not be tolerated. Glad you enjoyed the invisible box caper. I got two weeks out of that one. 🙂

  9. Being such an angelic child, I don’t get the humor in this piece whatsoever. Please explain, avoiding any curse words that may spoil my tender ears, Kind Sir.

    I’ve been buried deep in all the things life throws at a person, but I needed to carve out some time to visit my Peeps! Miss you!❤

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