Chip off the Old Block

I’m a firm believer that the best way to improve your skills, whether it be in writing, sports, music, or attempting brain surgery, is to hang out with people who are better than you in your chosen discipline.

With that in mind, I recently joined a group that walks and chews gum at the same time. Believe it or not, a couple of our club members have even mastered blowing bubbles while performing this arduous task. Next week, we’ll compete against a team from Walmart headquarters. I’m confident we’ll chew ‘em up while walking circles around them.

If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, the captain of our team, who never drags her feet when her mouth is full of gum, is Double Bubble Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a booth in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Jean L. Hays
copyright – Jean L. Hays

Margo tiptoed up to the porch, her knees clamped together.

“Y’all got a bathroom?”

She squinted through pop-bottle-thick lenses. A short man with a large nose stood near the door, staring back at her.

“What’s a matter, don-chya speak English?”

“Humph,” she grunted. “Listen shorty, if I don’t find a restroom soon—”

“He can’t talk, Ma’am,” said a voice beyond the screen door. “He’s just for looks.”

“Well, he might’ve been cute at one time, but a gal would need a bottle of wine and two brown paper bags to get cozy with him now. Where’d you find him?”

“Philadelphia.”


Evidently, Perry’s began a new career as doorman at the Tucumcari Trading Post. Let’s hope that most of the visitors are more gracious to him than Margo.

 

 

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52 thoughts on “Chip off the Old Block

  1. Meanwhile, don’t leave us hanging! Did she make it to the restroom? Did she piddle right there in front of the screen door? C’mon, Man! You can’t do this to us!

  2. Glad you could feel her sense of urgency as the bladder pressure increased. We certainly wouldn’t want her to ruin her hot pink, size 22, yoga pants with “SEXY” emblazed across the rear.

  3. Dear Margo,

    Short? Perry looks much taller in his pictures and not quite so wooden. Kaw-Liga-Witz? Wonder what Hank Williams would’ve done with that one?

    You and Kent were definitely in the same stream this week. Tanks for the memories.

    Shalom,

    Double Bubble

  4. Dear Double Bubble,

    Those pictures of Perry were taken shortly after the invention of color photography. Sylvester Stallone looks tall in the movies too, but he’s only about 5’6″

    I’ll check out Kent’s post, but first I gotta pee.
    Margo

  5. Yeah, but you wouldn’t have to drink all the wine, just about half the bottle, to find me alluring. Remember she didn’t see very well with her pop-bottle-thick lenses. Actually it would have been preferable if she didn’t see at all. Well, gotta get back to my new job.

    1. She is no beauty queen herself. You’re going to be the wine needing the wine . . . and the thick glasses . . . and most importantly . . . the two brown paper bags. Ah, such is the life of Perry Block, Trading Post Giglio.

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