The Invisible Box – part III

My driver’s license expired last week. In October, Arkansas began offering so-called “enhanced driver licenses” to bring the state in line with federal Real ID Act standards. By 2020 a Real ID card will be required to board commercial airplanes or enter federal facilities.

I was relieved to discover that getting the “enhanced” version was not going to require a surgical procedure to enlarge any part of my anatomy. I would be required however, to provide up to eighteen documents verifying my existence as a result of live birth (rather than divine creation ~ i.e., God’s gift to women).

The process was zipping along at the pace of a snail crawling through a molasses bog until we got to the part where they take your picture. Evidently, the customer ahead of me was a Perry Block look-a-like, causing both the camera and ID printer to crash. After giving the equipment repeated CPR and a cold shower, the DVM personnel were finally able to issue me a Real ID.

If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, the photo archiver who issues fresh prompts each week, is Mattie Brady Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a booth in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - CEayr
copyright – CEayr

“What’s behind the door, Ma’am?” asked Detective Lowry.

“Oh, just This, That, and Sometimes the Other,” replied the Bobster. “Why do you ask?”

“I’m following up on an investigation. Would you mind opening it for me?”

“Sure. Please Say Kaddish for Me.”

“Huh?” Her response caught Lowry off guard. “Okay, I’ll play along. Kaddish.”

“See that wasn’t so hard.” She flashed an impish grin. Unlocking the chains, she swung the door open.

Inside, he discovered a beret, a purple mime outfit, and a tube of face paint. “Where did these come from?” he asked.

From Silt and Ashes, of course,” she replied.


mime-o

Mattie “Bubster” Brady, author of the books mentioned above.

Advertisements

48 thoughts on “The Invisible Box – part III

  1. Dear Detective Lowry,

    There’s something vaguely familiar about this dialogue. I can’t quite put my white-gloved finger on it, but it’s definitely this, that or the other…well sometimes. Fortunately, you’re very much alive so I don’t have to say Kaddish for you. As for the story, you might consider burying it under the silt and ashes. Yeah, this made me chortle, chuckle, giggle and laugh.

    Shalom,

    Mattie Bubster Brady

    Like

    1. Dear Mattie “Bubster” Brady,
      You are quite elusive, jet-setting all over the nation doing radio interviews and book signing. Fortunately, you leave a long string of clues which make you easily tracked. Now, if you’ll just hand over the invisible box, we’ll let you off with just a warning–THIS TIME.

      Detective Lowry

      Like

  2. Funny as all get out. I laughed until I stopped.
    Brother, you squeezed out every drop from that purple story.
    And it IS a nice gesture, really. Only thing not purple is the crisp writing. 100 words is good, huh?

    Five out of five “Theese Eez Heppy Tyme!” (“Mattie” will know about this line)

    I would have used the more appropriate “Screaming Yellow Zonkers,” but they’re not purple.

    Like

    1. Absolutely. In a related story, her lawyer has filed a suit on her behalf demanding purple jail clothing. Right now she’s being held in solitary confinement inside an invisible box.

      Like

  3. Very clever, Russell, and as usual very funny. I’m loving the invisible box saga. I hope it continues a while longer. I’m glad you’ve been declared a real, living person – it might be disconcerting posting stories up on Friday Fictioneers alongside a divine creation.

    Like

  4. Hahaha. Love, love, love!! This was great. Oh, did you guys coordinate with that picture. It’s perfect. What a nice little tribute for our host. Very well done, Russell. Sorry, I’ve been absent. Just hanging by a thread. I’ve missed your stories.

    Like

  5. UGH.. a real ID. Does that mean we can’t go to the post office even???
    You live in Arkansas also? Like so many have asked me, ” How the hell did you wind up there ???” How did you? LOL…
    I can relate to the stupid documents. I was born in Texas. Moved to Florida for several years. Then HE wants to move back to Texas. OK…SO, I go to get my drivers license. Wow…it’s like entering a new stupid country. Dammit i was born there.
    I see a room full of people who cannot speak a lick of english…yep you guessed it. Here they are sitting there being told everything..answers, blah blah blah and the list goes on. AND..the people at the counter ask me for EVERY divorce and marriage papers? Um, excuse me…i said..” do they have all theirs?” and their birth certs too? You can bet your sweet butt they did not.
    By then, I was getting livid. I told them I WAS BORN in this dumb state. Then told them what i thought about it. Finally, I caught myself. GEEZE. i was fixing to blow a cork. Their eyes were getting bigger i noticed.
    I proceeded to tell them…. HAVE your state or whatever you want to call it. And then i left pretty soon after that.
    Documents. Yeah that.
    Sorry..lol..you took me down memory lane again. 😉

    Like

I'd love to hear from you

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s