Roughin’ It

The VP of the group I report to decided that everyone in our family tree needed to do a Stretch Assignment. This has nothing to do with wearing yoga pants or watching videos of Richard Simmons, but rather an exercise designed to encourage people to try something outside their comfort zone.

A large number of us were voluntold that this would be a wonderful opportunity to learn new skills and remain gainfully employed. Over the years, Connie and I have grown quite fond of eating regularly and sleeping indoors. Therefore, I will do my best to become as pliable as a rubber band and get so far out of my comfort zone that even Rod Serling would be proud.

If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, the mental aerobics instructor at our writing boot camp, is Jacqui LaLanne Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a booth in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Jan Wayne Fields
copyright – Jan Wayne Fields

After his lawyers were done weaving lies and bribing the judge, all she got in the divorce settlement was a used tent, a cheap ice chest, a broken grill, and half a bag of charcoal briquettes.

“No ex-wife of mine is going to sleep out in the cold,” he bragged to reporters after offering to throw in a portable heater.

It was hard to believe she was once a beauty queen. But now, over forty and no longer considered a ten, he swept her aside like yesterday’s trash.

Damn prenuptials.

“Should’ve read the fine print, Mrs. Trump,” said her lawyer.

 

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51 Comments on “Roughin’ It

  1. Dear Donnie,

    While we’re stretching and contorting, do I get the two white German shepherds, too? As for the mental gymnastics, my head hurts too much for them.

    Shalom,

    Jacqui LaLanne

    Like

    • Dear Jacqui LaLanne,
      Those mental workouts are the worse. You should see what they do to my hair. It takes me a good four hours to get it back in shape and frosted the correct shade of orange. Heavy thinking is not one of my strengths.

      Makin’ it Great,
      Donnie

      Like

  2. Dear Russel,

    The POV had me puzzled for a while but I figured it out at the end. For four paragraphs it could be either him or her narrating. Was that intentional and me just dense? I love the use of Trump in your story. Seems like he’s the new whipping boy. Will he last four years?

    Yours,

    Doug

    Like

    • It was supposed to convey itself as omniscient POV. Sounds like that wasn’t clear.

      I anticipate he’ll last 1 to 2 years before his own party throws him out and hands the reigns to Pence.

      Like

    • He’s not one to give out his plans, so I imagine it took her by surprise. Wasn’t that sweet of him to include the portable heater?

      Like

  3. Dear Russel, I’ve read your story to a consummate professional and have been informed that I am dense. She loved it and laughed out loud, then doubly so at me. Well done to you, sir.

    D.

    Like

  4. As per usual, the preamble was as good as the story was… Voluntold… yep… excellent word!
    Trump will be muse for a bit, methinks…

    Like

  5. As a simple spectator from civilisation (spelt with an ‘s’) I sometimes pick up tiny hints that your brand new President elect is not universally popular with his new flock.
    Probably just something that gets lost in the translation.
    Insincerely
    Ivan Idiosyncrasy

    Like

    • He’s a member of the Fear & Hate party. Their goal is to make the top 1% even richer, destroy the environment (especially if they can make a $ off of it), and kill off the poor through starvation and disease. Vlad the Impaler would be considered a great humanitarian when compared to this guy.

      Like

  6. Somehow I don’t think she will feel freed now that she’s been released from her gilded cage. Despite the sad topic you made me laugh.

    Like

    • It’s a long hard fall from trophy wife to transient. Perhaps she can catch on with a band of gypsies. The good news is–at least she has a heater.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Hilarious, Russell. What a good-hearted guy. In reality, the first two Mrs. Trumps didn’t do badly. The poorest of the two, the second, got one million. He’s loading his cabinet with generals. Maybe the U.S. will be taken over by the military if he goes out. I hope that’s a joke. I keep watching the news and still don’t know what the heck’s going on. I don’t think the news people do either. It’s like the weather. Everyone seems to be guessing. At least it’s not boring. Congratulations on the great interview by Rochelle. 😀 — Suzanne

    Like

    • I don’t think Trump knows what he’s going to do from one minute to the next. And, he never engages his brain (if he has one) before opening his mouth. I fear we are headed for turbulent times.

      Thanks again, for reblogging the interview.

      Like

  8. It boggles the mind how people like that bully themselves into power and everybody else stands there, helpless, bound by rules the bullies dismiss. Fun story, the heater really was a nice touch. We’re having Austria and Italy steering that way tomorrow. Let’s hope for the best…

    Like

  9. Yes, I suppose the old adage, “rules are made to be broken” applies in the case of bullies. We’re supposed to have a cold spell starting on Wednesday. It will be time to cozy up to the wood stove.

    Like

  10. This story was absolutely brilliant and the reference to Mrs trump in the last line, magnificent. You mentioned she could run off with the gypsies. In another prompt, there is a woman setting up a tent of wares to sell to the gypsies, including a pre-loved murder knife. Could getting her hands on this be the next step in the storyline? Could this be a turning point in history?
    I stay tuned!
    xx Rowena

    Like

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