Second Fiddle

Wednesday was the anniversary of my 29th birthday. On that hallowed day in 1984, prophets, tea-leaf readers, and a certain televangelist from Tulsa, had predicted time, as we know it, would stand still.

The catch was, to get your name on the list for the individual, anti-aging, time freeze, the envelope containing your donation to Jacob’s Ladder Prayer Tower Fund had to be postmarked by midnight on the 15th. Fortunately, mine was stamped at 11:58pm.

Flash forward to 2016 and you’ll see that I’m still the same dashingly handsome, modest, and extremely humble, boy-genius from days gone by. The product has retained its classic originality, only the packaging has been updated to lock-in freshness and appeal to a wider, global audience.

If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Marketing Director who posts fresh photo prompts each week, is Lili Von Shtupp Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a booth in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Bjorn Rudberg
copyright – Bjorn Rudberg

Born the result of a one-night-stand between a Double Bass and a French horn, Chantelle never fit in.

Rejected by orchestras, marching bands, and traveling gypsies, she found herself relegated to serving sour notes at a third-rate comedy club.

Her range spanned seven octaves, but her voice was always slightly off-key. Musicians debated whether she was a wind, or string instrument, while the comedians thrived on cruel jokes about her f-holes.

An odd-looking rich man saw her act and booked her for an outdoor event on January 20th.

“You’re a perfect fit,” he said, “to play Hail to the Chief.”


43 Comments on “Second Fiddle

  1. Dear Birthday Boy,

    Everyone dances to their own drummer…or something instrumental like that. You’re still a mere lad, and, when it comes to humor, the chief.


    Lili Von Shtupp


    • Dear Lily Von Shtupp,

      Yes, and some people fart to their own tuba, but that’s a different story. I’m fortunate to be forever young, or at least immature. 🙂

      Now, to make a wish and blow out the candle.


  2. Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French Horn?
    A: Aim into the wall and play all the wrong notes.

    Q: How do you make a French Horn sound like a trombone?
    A: Straighten out the piping and abandon all sense of good taste.

    Q: If a bassoon player and a warrant officer fell off a high-rise, who’d hit the ground first?
    A: Who cares?

    On that note … nice work. Made me want to rosin my bow.


  3. A belated happy birthday Russell! A perennial youth, for sure… or certainly where your humor is concerned! 😉 Poor Chantelle from rejection to horror. Not where I want to be on the 20th. And there I go, showing my hand.


  4. I agree with magickmermaid, two fantastic stories for the price of one. “Welcome, Friday Fictioneer shoppers!” Thanks for an afternoon grin. Alicia


  5. If she puts her heart into it, maybe she can shatter everything around her as a prophecy of things to come. Fun story, gallows humour, I suppose. And happy returning 29th.


  6. Happy Belated Birthday, Russell. Two hilarious stories. We always think of you as young at heart. I wonder if anyone will hear the music in January. I heard there’s going to be a Million Women March that day. I wouldn’t miss watching that for anything. 😀 — Suzanne


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