What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Toast
How many of you have started a diet and quit? Go ahead. Hold you hand up. Noboby’s gonna slap your chubby little fingers. You’re not the first to give in to the lust for food. It happens to all of us.
When I was younger, I might have felt a twinge of temptation toward the sins of the flesh. But now, I find myself assaulted by a greater demon. One who attacks my waistline. Instead of rolling down hill like a snowball headed for hell, I’m rolling like a donut headed for a cup of coffee.
If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, our 100 word dietitian is Wendy McShortstuff Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a booth in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
PHOTO PROMPT © J Hardy Carroll
He was not the kind of guy most women would find attractive. Short, dumpy, bald on top, with a nose that would make a Washington apple jealous.
His demeanor leaned toward the grumpy, mad at the world, self-proclaimed victim side. His expression, a permanent frown.
“How do you like your toast?” she asked.
“Black on both sides—and no butter!”
His life was an act. They both knew it.
Constantly on the road, her love wore thin as the gossamer lace of a spider’s web. After ten years, she tired of being his clown.
“Bozo, this relationship is toast.”
36 Comments on “Toast”
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What's So Funny? 
I’m holding me hand up…
I think it’s right time she send this clown on to the next circus…
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Time to fold the tent, eh?
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You got that right!
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A lot of great description in this piece, from the guy’s attributes and even the way he likes his toast to his wife’s waning love for him. A fun read, as always.
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Thanks, Mandie. I picked up a few pointers from your site.
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🙂 Thanks. You just made my day.
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In today’s lingo we’d say he has some serious issues. In my dad’s day they’d have called him…er… Well, let’s say a mule.
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You’re too kind, Christine. 🙂
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Just lovely
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hehehe I guess you could say the flame of love was extinguished!
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Nothing left but ashes.
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Wow! I really enjoyed this FF. Partly because you set me up with a completely relatable intro, but mostly because the succinct character description and dialog was spot on.
Cheers!
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I was going to say that was me except for the round nose that I ain’t got. And I’m not dumpy. Otherwise I’m very much like that guy except that I don’t carry around a horn that I talk with. But it turns out it’s actually YOU! Ya got the nose right there in the picture and as a clown I guess you’re wearing a fright wig to cover your bald head!
Have a piece of toast.
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I like my toast rye and dry, dammit. The only fright wig I wear is the orange comb-over variety. It fits perfectly with a permanent scowl and a YUGE nose.
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Not a marriage made in heaven!
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Dear Hapless Meal,
What woman hasn’t dated a clown or two in the circus of life before finding Mr. Right? Alas, the years take their toll and Mr. Right often becomes Mr. Prince Not-so-Charming. As for the diets. Twoallbeefpattieslettucecheesespecialsaucepicklesonionsonasesameseedbunandsupersizethefries. Peace out.
Shalom,
Wendy McShortstuff
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Dear Wendy McShortstuff,
The 100 word diet can be challenging. Thanks for keeping us on track.
As for the special sauce, I feel supersized. My chubby little fingers are twitching for a donut.
Chomp,
Hapless Meal.
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He sounds like a catch. A bit like a hot potato. Pass him on and get out, girl.
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He was a catch, sort of like infectious diarrhea. A real pain in the lower tract.
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100 word dietician – awesome 😀 Maybe with a little butter, toast would be nice…
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That would make it too easy to swallow.
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Loved the hint of sadness in this story. Love dying slowly does not hurt less then a crash and burn. The sadness was nicely accented by the humor. Great writing.
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Yes, not my usually angle on humor. But I wrote what the muse gave me. Glad you liked it.
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Lovely description of her dwindling love, but how can anyone love a man who likes his toast like that. It was always going to end badly. ☺
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True. He is not your upper-crust kind of guy.
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Impressive really that she could stand 10 years with him… I guess she had been scraping from the bottom, but sooner or late you have to realize the advantages of being lonely.
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She was definitely a glutton for punishment. I heard she ran away with one of the acrobats.
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A nose that would make a Washington apple jealous–terrific line, made me laugh 🙂 And I’m glad she finally toasted him!
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He had it coming. That’s for sure.
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for all his faults, he must have some redeeming qualities. otherwise, she couldn’t have stayed with him that long. 🙂
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Maybe he was well endowed.
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He’s no prize but we don’t know what she’s like. At least she gets to travel. Truthfully, did he disintegrate or was he always like that. Hilarious, good writing, Russell. Your post made me hungry for donuts. 😀 — Suzanne
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It made me hungry for donuts too.
She got to see the world, but it wasn’t a vacation.
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That relationship is burnt toast. Not even scraping off those nasty little black bits will help. Fun as always.
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A little too serious for my liking. I like rye toast. Golden brown, and with a tad of butter.
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Time to let go, very amusing as usual and some excellent description. Great writing
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