I Spy – 1962

Posted on October 4, 2017 by

44 Comments

Last night, I participated in the Toastmasters Area F humor speech contest and finished seventh in a field of six contestants. While I performed well below my usual level of mediocrity, I did learn the value of marathon sleeping from one of the other speakers.

Did you know that extended periods of sleep can actually make you younger? It’s true. This explains why people often mention that I have the mind of a five-year-old. My brain is so fully restored that Connie sometimes scolds me for “acting like a baby.” Based on this new information, I’m considering taking up Competitive Sleeping.

Now, if I could just get my body to feel younger.

If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, the master of 100-word sleep deprivation is Dr. Drowsy I. Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to join the Professional Nappers Assoc. amble over to her blog for a pillow and blanket. To rent a box in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

PHOTO PROMPT © Ted Strutz

Genre – historical fiction (well, sort of . . .) 

U.S. spies went through six months of rigorous training where they learned to use high-tech gadgets including tiny cocktail umbrellas with built-in microphones.

Many of the Kremlin conversations are still classified. Here’s one they did allow me to share.

“Tis good vodka, eh comrade?”

“Da. Hey Olga, more vodka for me and Niki.”

“How bout da legs on that Olga?”

“Da. She sleek as Cuban cigar.”

By decrypting a few key words of this exchange between Khrushchev and a top general, we can leap to the conclusion that Olga was the code name for one of the missiles bound for Cuba.

*today’s offering is an excerpt from “Running of the Chickens” one of the short stories featured in my upcoming tome, One Idiot Short of a Village. In the full version of this story, you will learn the important role secret herbs & spices played in resolving the Cuban missile crisis.

Category: humorTags: , , , , , ,

44 Comments on “I Spy – 1962”

  3. Dear Illya,

    I’m writing this comment because I can’t find my ballpoint communicator and broke the speaker in my shoe phone. Hmmmm…how about those legs on Olga? Okay…I prescribe this story for all of my insomniac patients. Thank you for participating.

    Shalomzzzzzzzzzz,

    Dr. Drowsy I. W(T)F

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Dear Dr. Drowsy I. W(T)F,

      I hate to hear that you’ve wrecked your platform purple sneakers. Check with Q to send how fast we can get a replacement set shipped in from Purplevannia. I’m sure all your insomniac patients will be nodding off before the finish the first line. There will be a small fee for my services.

      Still thinking like a five-year-old,
      Illya

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      Reply

  4. I’m not sure how leaping and sleeping are supposed to go together, but if this exciting conversation went on much longer I might be weeping for the fate of America — or Olga.
    By the way, congratulations on your stunning Toastmaster performance. You always raise (or lower) the bar somehow. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • I always do my best leaping while sleeping. I’m much more agile in my dreams than when awake. Thanks for the kudos regarding my performance last night. I work really hard to establish low expectations and sink below them.

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  6. Hilarious. First, I’d like to know where to sign up for this competitive sleeping. I think I could really shine in that arena. I laughed all the way through your intro and right through your historical fiction. I really enjoyed the decrypting of the conversation. I will take the skills I’ve learned here and apply them to general conversation today and find out what people are really saying around me.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • I’d love to share the information on Competitive Sleeping, but I dozed off right as Dr. Drowsy I. was covering that part of the program. I think you’ll find the decrypting skills handy. People are saying nothing but good things about you, Mandie.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  7. Oh those Ruskies and their cryptic conversations…
    As for the Toastmasters thing. Hey, anyone who can go up there and speak in front of many gets kudos from me, no matter where they place! 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    • Those Ruskies are almost as bad as those Canadians, eh?
      In fact, from your encrypted message I deduce that Snidely Whiplash & Co. are planning to sneak across the border blow up a mustache-wax plant outside Dearborn, MI. We have alerted the National Guard.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • Don’t let him pull the fluffy sheep’s wool over your eyes Dale. What he’s really saying is that the Yanks are planning another 1812 type raid on Montreal. You notify Phillipe and I’ll send Justin a text advising him to check out this subversive blog post. Game’s up, Mr Kuriyagin (or however that was spelled.)

        Liked by 1 person

  13. A part of me wants to believe that the US were soiling their breeches spying on a very drunk Kruschev. Good one yet again, Russell. Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  14. Pretty sure this is actually a transcript from back in the day. Wouldn’t be the first Soviet leader to love a Stolichnaya and a well turned thigh! Nicely done Russell

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Are you an incurable insomniac, Sheila? Most people doze off about half way through my oone-liners.
      Competitive Sleeping requires months, sometimes years, or rigorous training. As a child, I slept through church service and most of my classes at school. It takes a lot of dedication. I just want you to know, it’s not as easy as it looks.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

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