The Ice Woman Cometh

How much time do you spend waiting in lines? According an MIT study by Richard Larson (I wonder if he’s related to Gary Larson—The Far Side cartoonist?) American’s spend 2 years of their lives waiting.

Briton’s call it Queuing and average about 67 hours a year, or 5 months, 2 weeks, and 5 days of their lives standing in lines. Last Saturday, Connie and I took 2 grandkids to Silver Dollar City and used 4 of our 6 hours at the theme park standing in lines. The other two hours were spent wedging our way through crowds trying to find the end of the lines.

One place where you never have to wait is Friday Flash Fiction. Speedy Gonzales Wisoff-Fields posts the photo promptly at the crack of midnight on Wednesday and you can join the fun whenever you’re ready. To learn how to submit your tale to the weekly collection, zip over to her blog for instructions. To rent a box in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

 

copyright – Dale Rogerson

 

I’ve never met a woman

Who’s more like the weather

She can change for the worse

At the drop of a feather

Forget that the forecast

Calls for 90 and sunny

Better put on your coat,

The Ice Woman Cometh

 

Like a frigid arctic blast

Sweeping down from the north

The temperature plummets

When she walks through the door

Suddenly you remember

What you like about summer

Better put on your coat

The Ice Woman Cometh

 

The stare “chill-factor”

Is way below zero

Her silence so deafening

It cuts to the marrow

Better put on your coat

The Ice Woman Cometh


*the above is an excerpt from a poem I wrote about 25 years ago. It’s been modified to come in at 101 words.

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68 thoughts on “The Ice Woman Cometh

    1. Dear Speedy Gonzalez W(T)F,

      Just to clarify, the poem is an observance and not taken from personal experience. I decided it best to confess about the overage of word(s) and take my punishment up front. Otherwise, I might have to wait in line.

      Just call me Mr. Patience,
      Longstanding Lorenzo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Absolutely, except now they have a family of blue, cartoon bears in their ads. The commercial doesn’t show the bears coming out of the woods, but they claim to be ecstatic about the softness of Charmin.

        Personally, I prefer Mr. Whipple. He was a one-man, anti-squeezing, police force.

        Like

  1. What did you do? Yeah, yeah, you SAY you did nothing but that poem speaks way louder…
    Nothing beats the lines at Disney World, Magic Kindom to be exact, on the Saturday before Christmas, with two young boys, aged 10 and 11 and a husband in the hospital… Uh huh. I done did dat. And will NEVER do that again!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I go grocery shopping at 7 a.m. just to avoid the lines. I don’t drive (if possible) when the school buses are out. Sometimes I think I’m missing out on a lot of life because I don’t like lines whether they be on foot or semi-rolling tires.

    That said, I will try to avoid this Ice Woman. She sounds like a force of nature.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I try to minimize my exposure to both heavy foot traffic and automobile backlogs too, but sometimes still find myself stuck in a jam. It drains my energy and I come home completely exhausted–much like driving in a snowstorm.

      You’re right, the Ice Woman and make things very uncomfortable.

      Like

      1. Interesting you should say that. I remember when people standing in line actually engaged in conversation with each other. Today, everyone stands mute, looking down at their phone. I guess that’s okay (its certainly NOT going to change), but verbal intercourse is not such a bad thing either.

        Like

  3. I agree with Dale – you must have done something to deserve the frosty reception! Great poem that had me smiling, Russell. And yes, we Brits love to queue and get very irritated if people push in. Of course, being British, we don’t actually say anything, we just tut and mumble and keep on waiting 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Oh, a poem! Very nice. It went well with the photo prompt. I wonder how that poem came to mind when you saw the photo.
    Bad luck only getting to use 99 words next week. Haha

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The poem was written over 25 years ago. Every man who ever read it confesses that he can relate.

      Yes, Speedy Gonzales really came down with the hard on the word overage. I’ll have to scrimp and save to pay my fine.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. There’s not a male alive who hasn’t experienced The Ice Woman. The first time I met her was in elementary school. Our desks were in groups of four and she sat across from me. I think its an inherent trait that gets passed down through generations, and often an effective tactic.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Yipes! I guess she’s a cold fish. We just got snow last night…in Texas! What a surprise. I guess the Ice Woman Cometh, but luckily not into the house. This is the first time I’ve seen you write poetry. I like it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I heard it snowed in Houston (of all places). It was 16 here in NW Arkansas this morning, but very dry. In fact, we’re under a burn ban.

      I wrote poetry for about 20 years, then discovered I like short stories better. I’ve been writing strictly humor for the last 10. I’ve been working on two stories for the past couple of months and finished them both this week. One is “The Hazards of Hobbies” and the other, “Adventures in Camping.” Both are about 3,600 words.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think I recently used an excerpt from the camping story in a FFF post. I don’t post the entire stories because I enter contests at writing conferences and you can only submit unpublished work. Even if you post it on your own site, they consider it published. When I get enough stories to total 60 to 70,000 words, I publish a book. “One Idiot Short of a Village” will be coming out in a couple of months. It started as a FFF story and grew to 50,000 words by itself–the longest piece I’ve ever written. There are 12 short stories in the book with it.

        I’ll post a PDF of the cover and more about it when we get closer to the release date.

        Like

  6. Thank you for the interesting (and disturbing!) tidbits of information on waiting in lines. Thanks to Amazon, this year, I won’t be doing as much waiting . . .
    And your poem! You’re a poet and I didn’t even know it! 🙂 Very clever, and I KNOW this wasn’t about Connie! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There are a lot of restuarants where you have to wait 30 minutes to an hour just to be seated. I appreciate the fact that their food must be good, but if they have that much business, perhaps they don’t need mine.

      Connie has never been one to pull the Ice Woman tactic. If she’s unhappy about something, she’s very vocal.
      I prefer to think of her as The Nice Woman.

      Like

  7. My dad always tells me patience. We were standing in line one day at the grocery store and I wanted to get out of that line and into another because it was moving faster and he simply said, “Patience,” which by the way irritated me even more.

    Anyway, I really enjoyed the poem overall. But I was hooked with the first stanza. I know some women like that. ☺️

    Liked by 1 person

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