Wardrobe Malfunction

Last night, Connie and I were talking about commercials targeting seniors (i.e. old people). In those thrillling days of yesteryear, each product had its own catch phrase or clever jingle that etched its way into your brain cells never to be forgotten. How many of you remember such clasics as, “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz” and “Please don’t squeeze the Charmin.”

My mother was a soap opera addict. Their progression of ads went something like this; Denture adhesive (we all have to eat), followed by constipation or diarrhea (take your pick), and finishing up with toliet paper (the job is never over until the paperwork is done). What were some of your favorites from the 60s and 70s?

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our advocate for fresh-wiped 100-word stories is Doris Whipple Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright- Marie Gail Stratford

“Did you hear about Rosa’s faux pas on New Year’s Day?”

“No. She was going to be in the parade in Pasadena, wasn’t she? What happened?”

“Oh she was in the parade all right—on display in all her glory—if you want to call it that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Her float barely made it onto the street when she started shedding her petals—right there on national TV.

“That must have been embarrassing.”

“She claimed it was a wardrobe malfunction, but never blushed, just sat up tall and proud. Now, they’ve named a rose after her—Lady Godiva.”

Lady Godiva rose


49 Comments on “Wardrobe Malfunction

  1. Ha, ha. I think a favorite of many people was, “Where’s the beef?” I’ve never seen anyone “shed their petals” in the Rose Parade. I doubt she’d sit there long like that. The TV channel broadcasting it would probably have a “technical difficulty”. Good post, Russell. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Paul E. Gripp,

    Now I keep hearing the old song “Lady Godiva.” Thanks for the ear-worm. I wonder if Rose is wishing she could back-petal? Love your flowery tail. 😉


    Doris Whipple “Don’t Squeeze the Charmin” W(T)F

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dear Doris Whipple W(T)F,

      Please accept my condolances. I was saddened to hear that Mr. Whipple had been kidnapped by The Three Bears who were demanding a case of Charmin for his return. Obviously, there’s no way you’d hand over that much squeezible product so rumor has it that The Bears are now using him as a wiping post. Sad.

      With all that rough handling, let’s hope his dentures stay put.
      Paul E. Gripp


  3. Haha..love this!
    Alka Seltzer had another good one in “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing” . I can still recite two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, on a sesame seed bun; and speaking of beef, “Where is it?”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Haha! Is it ever really a wardrobe malfunction if the person is an exhibitionist? I was just waiting for you to say Rosa is one of the last people you’d want to see au naturale. That’s usually how it works. Fun story!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Haha! very good. A wardroobe malfunction and she brazened it out – certainly a way to get noticed!
    My UK references will probably pass you by – ‘I’m a secret lemonade drinker,’ (R Whites lemonade) and ‘It’s too orangey for crows, it’s just for me and me dog – I’ll be your dog!’ (Kia-Ora, awful day-glo soft drink where the ad is better than the drink!) Sounds mad unless you were there … 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You should be sent to Coventry for this, Russell.
    (This double allusion might be too trans-Atlantic for Colonial comprehension)

    Liked by 1 person

    • When I first read your comment, I thought you were suggesting I should be sent to a Convent. Next, you’ll be telling that old joke about what kind of meat priest eat on Fridays.

      Liked by 1 person

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Mandie Hines Author

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