Russell Gayer, author speaker
Poetry, Horror, Psychological Thrillers
Stories From Within
Finding ways to make words sparkle
This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
I may make you feel, but I can't make you think.
All the Blogging That's Fit To Print
AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.
A Humor Blog
Stylistically Abusing Language for the Betterment of Mankind
Straight up with a twist– Because life is too short to be subtle!
An author's perspective of mystery and more.
And the worst things. And all that weird stuff in between.
Either story works quite well, Italics or bold.faced print
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Thanks, Larry. The actual story (not the intro) was a poke at Rochelle. She has been in Israel this month.
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I’ve heard she’s there. It’s good to take advantage of the trip
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This emissary, she wasn’t wearing purple by any chance, was she?
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Yes. Always in purple, right down to her sneakers.
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Dear Ari Ben Cain-raiser,
Negotiations over hummus, seltzer water, cheeseburgers, and gefilte fish have not gone as planned. While a good belch was shared by all, Someone broke the Etch-A-Sketch. I hope you can knuckle down on that thesis so you can get your Hard Knocks degree. Having a head as sharp as a matzo ball could be a detriment to the retired, lint-gathering scholar. We’re all pulling for you…although it’s a weak pull after 30 hours of traveling between midnight Monday into Tuesday afternoon…while passing through different time zones. My tush is lagging and dragging today. BTW, do not remove tags in Hebrew are fun to collect.
Shalom from home,
Lily Putian W(T)F
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Dear Lilly Putian W(T)F,
Wow, it sounds like your hosts rolled out the red carpet (and why shouldn’t they?). I’m disappointed they didn’t serve you something more exotic, like pickled eel or deep fried camel hump.
Thanks for the encouragement on my pursuit of lower learning. Not only am I producing bellybutton lint at a record pace, I have now began to sport cobwebs as well.
I’m surprised Trump let you back in the U.S. after your little expedition to meddle in foreign affairs. Where next, North Korea or Iran?
Ari Ben Cain-raiser
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Love it, Russell! That Hard Knocks University has some REAL tough teachers, heh? Here I thought I was the only one having a hard time getting my diploma! 😉
Jim
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They certain do, Jim. But none were tougher than my 1st grade teacher, Mrs. Sticklebottom. Thanks to her I developed a deep lack of interest in higher learning.
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Ha ha – very entertaining, Russell!
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thanks, Susan.
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Ha! Fun one …
In reality, the levels of negotiations aren’t much more professional than with an etch-a-sketch and as sketchy besides …
BTW, Rochelle is back from over the puddle and the pond (her, and her etch-a-sketch!)
😉
Na’ama
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Lilly Putian is hard-headed and can be a tough negotiator. Plus, she was the only one at the table sitting in a highchair.
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Ha ha!!! Good one! 🙂
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Don’t get me started on graduations from kindergarten! Well, if you really, REALLY want that diploma, you’ll just have to come up with a new essay – something I am quite positive you can manage 😉
As for those negotiations; heard tell the Etch-A-Sketch automatically erases once you reach the airport. Bummer that. Guess we’ll have to think about sending the emissary again in the near future!
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Dear Dale,
Perhaps my next thesis will be on ridiculous graduation ceremonies. That’s sure to wrinkle some brows among the academia crowd.
I hear Wiki Leaks has the dope on the Etch-A-Sketch content, but who can believe them? I think next time our little emissary should chisel them on stone tablets like Moses.
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Oh yeah. You do that! Makes me nuts that kids have “graduated” three times before high school, the first real graduation ..
Yes, she should! Though her prowess with that thing is amazing, no?
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i think i have an idea who that amateur is. unfortunately, i can’t divulge his identity in the name of national security. 🙂
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In that case, the CIA will torture you by making you chant Trump tweets all day long until you divulge the name.
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If only international politics were so much fun! Etch-A-Sketch and Scratch-An-Itch, job done!
My story – ‘A stab in the dark’
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True, but unfortunately it’s more of a 3-ring circus without the popcorn and cotton candy.
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Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
Another couple of stories at the unbelievable price of FREE. Russell is hard at work on his Degree in Laziness and Procrastination and has news of secret negotiations in Israel. If you want to spread this valuable and hilarious news, just reblog this material from your post as I’ve done. If you want more of this hilarity, just travel up and to the left of this post and click on one or both of the book covers there.
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Thank you, Suzanne. I suspect a lot of nations will be begging the little emissary to come solve their problems now. Have Etch-A-Sketch will Travel.
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Just think, Russell, if you get degrees in both Laziness and Procrastination you might be able to teach the subject to others. I happen to know it’s a popular subject. I wonder if other accords have been on Etch-A-Sketch. There would be less blowback with that. 😀 — Suzanne
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I’d love to teach, but I probably wouldn’t make it to class on time, or might fall asleep in the middle of my own lectures. Then, there would be all those papers to grade . . .
I’m getting tired just thinking about it.
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As a graduate from Hard Knocks University I majored in Procrastination. It took me a few years to put the plan into action though 😉
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And all this time I thought you went to Walla Walla Bing Bang Art Institute (like Rochelle).
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I’m entirely self-taught. Which obviously explains a few things! 😀
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A fairy tale, indeed, but, armed with her Etch-a-Sketch, I’m sure Rochelle’s mission is not wasted.
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I’m sure an Etch-A-Sketch looks like a classroom-size chalkboard in her little hands. That woman doesn’t miss a lick. Israel will never be the same.
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Probably not too far from the truth and a brilliant link back to Rochelles mention of the etch a sketch. Funny stuff
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Wouldn’t you have loved to be a flea on a camel’s back and eavesdropped on those negotiations?
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With the speed that agreements are made and broken in that part of the world, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s been the problem the whole time. They get things all worked out and then someone trips and drops the Etch-a-Sketch and it’s back to square one.
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The same is true with stone tablets, David. You drop one and BOOM!, all that hard work goes down the drain.
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Fart in a whirlwind! a nice analogy.
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Yep, potent for a few seconds, then gone in the breeze.
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I think our Purple Leader would do a much, much better job at negotiations than any Orange Leader I can think of…
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Definitely, and she has better hair too.
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Etch a Sketch seems like the most serious effort since it all started. Oh dear oh dear.
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Can’t you just see her clicking the heels of her purple sneakers together at the end of the trip?
And chanting, “There’s no place like Belton. There’s no place like Belton . . . “
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That good old etch-a-sketch never fails, we should get more of them out of the attic, garage, wherever they’ve been discarded.
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They are the essential negotiating tool and translate well into any language.
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I love it when you and Rochelle poke fun at each other. It creates wonderful stories.
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Me too. We have a lot of fun at each other’s expense.
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Love the picture you drew of Rochelle and her Etch-a-Sketch. Your stories always make me chuckle (and I’m a serious sort so it’s good)!! Good luck on your essay and in your endeavor at exposing the hazards of aging … there’s certainly a lot of those. Remember, gravity wins and wrinkles are inevitable. =)
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You’re right about gravity, Brenda. Things start drooping and sagging upon the onset of old age. There’s nothing like having two or three chins. 🙂
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Lots of fun. World peace and the hazards of ageing all in one post. Thanks for the chuckles.
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I try to cover all the bases, Margaret. 🙂
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I think such a signature is just as good as any ink that has been used so far.
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True, and the peace will last about as long as any previous agreement.
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I’m in my late 50’s and find myself desperately seeking full time employment,. I was thinking a certificate from the college might help.
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Now, I know what’s missing from my resume. A course in ‘Laziness and Procrastination’. I so hate not doing things in a timely manner. I may decide to forego the course as I’m sure I’ll get an ‘F’.
Happy Hump Day !!!!
Isadora 😎
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