Saving Hollywood

We just returned from a weeklong, fact-finding mission along the Missouri River. At the insistence of Detective Lowry, we spent one night in the thriving metropolis of Belton, MO.

The purpose of this stop was to locate, and investigate, the home of that dastardly criminal mime known as “Le Petite Velour.” Unaware of our mission, she graciously welcomed us into her abode. While Connie kept her busy with idle chitchat, I scanned the premises for Do-Not-Remove tags. None were to be found. One can only conclude they were squirreled away with the tags stolen from nearby homes and stashed in an invisible box (also stolen)—which I was unable to locate.

Ironically, Ms. Velour’s residence is only a few blocks from the Belton Police Station.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the director of this weekly production of 100-word stories is Zelda Rubinstein Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF  Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright – Ted Strutz

 

“You guys were great,” the producer said. “I can’t remember ever working with anyone quite like you. Your performance today put Hollywood back forty years.”

It was an “Aww, shucks” moment for Connie and I. We looked at each other and blushed. The glory days had returned to Hollywood.

The roar of applause followed us through the back door and spilled onto the patio. Members of the production crew came over to offer congratulations and shake hands.

The way they carried on, you’d have thought Colonel Sanders had just arrived with a bucket of fried chicken.


*the above is an excerpt from “Saving Hollywood,” and can be found in my second book, One Idiot Short of a Village.

“From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend on reading it.” – Groucho Marx

Advertisements

35 Comments on “Saving Hollywood

  1. So no facts, other than invisible ones, were found. Very intrepid sleuthing! And tickets would be sold out immediately for this play at the box office 🙂
    HIgh praise. indeed, from Groucho! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Spanky,

    Darla says to tell you hello. As for the do not remove tags, what better place to hide them but in plain sight, a mile from the police station? As for your story, I laughed until I stopped. 😉 Le Petite Velour thoroughly enjoyed the visit with Connie while you were downstairs stringing Jan along. 😀 Meanwhile don’t quit your day job. Wait! You already did.

    Shalom,

    Zelda Rubinstein W(T)F

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Zelda Rubinstein W(T)F,

      I think Jan and I are going to work up some polka tunes for our 2020 world tour. Perhaps we can get Mick Jagger and the Stones to open for us if Mick is over his heart problems. If not, then we’ll settle for Taylor Swift or Lady Gaga.
      I thought I caught a glimpse of the invisible box upstairs, hidden among the dozens of paintings of half-empty wine glasses. It’s probably lurking under that pile of empty bottles that fuel your imagination.

      Can you hear me tuning my vocal cords?
      Clark Fable (aka Spanky)

      Like

  3. Does putting the tags in an invisible box make them turn invisible? They’ll never find the evidence.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Love that you went to visit Rochelle and Jan – and had such a good time.
    When I saw the title of this, I immediately thought of your story – which, yes, I did read almost the whole book… problem is, I haven’t finished it yet as it is in a box still to be unpacked 😉
    Fun stuff!

    Liked by 1 person

    • We did have a good time. Jan and I played guitars and howled (you couldn’t exactly call it singing). The little mime has quite the playroom upstairs where she does her writing and paints portraits of wine glasses. (I wonder how she makes it back down the stairs. Probably sits down and slides one step at a time). 🙂

      Please give the book a review on Amazon when you finish it. I would love to read your take on it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • So I heard 😉

        She does quite well on the wine glasses – must hold back on drinking too many of the contents!

        Of course I will!

        Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, we were. There was a professional makeup artist on site. After the live filming, they asked us to pose for a photo session in the rose garden for about an hour.
      It was a fun, expense paid trip to Hollywood. And all because we had hit a deer with our car a few months before.

      Like

  5. Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
    Two more stories, one an excerpt from a book by Russell, and a quote from Groucho Markx. I don’t think it’s common for a book to get a quote from a deceased celebrity. If you want more of the same, shoot to the top of the post and click on one or both of the book covers. You can also reblog this post from yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Actually, I pitched the idea of using quotes from fictional characters on the back on my last book, but my editor thought we might get sued, so I went with real people instead.

      Next time I’ll pitch the idea of quotes from the dead. 🙂

      Like

    • Yes, still after the mime. And she loves every minute of it. Perhaps I can get her to dress in character and come to a book signing when Criminal Mimes is released.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m still laughing at this: “Your performance today put Hollywood back forty years.” You and Connie must be very positive people to take that as a compliment! 😉

    Like

    • Well, even a back-handed compliment is better than none at all. We did have a great time and you could call it an expense-paid vacation. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

      Liked by 1 person

I'd love to hear from you

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Mandie Hines Author

Horror, Psychological Thrillers, Poetry, Flash Fiction

The Phantom Rem

Stories From Within

Lorna's Voice

Finding ways to make words sparkle

The Incoherent Ramblings Of A Moose

This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.

Sharing sarcasm, snark, and satire with the world...

Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple

Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.

ParkInkSpot

I may make you feel, but I can't make you think.

TheDustSeason

All the Blogging That's Fit To Print

www.immodiumabuser.com

AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.

Dimitris Melicertes

I don't write, I touch without touching.

Lame Adventures

A Humor Blog

Linda Vernon Humor

Stylistically Abusing Language for the Betterment of Mankind

TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND

Straight up with a twist– Because life is too short to be subtle!

Lori Ericson, Author

An author's perspective of mystery and more.

The Best Things in Life

And the worst things. And all that weird stuff in between.

%d bloggers like this: