Karma Bites II

I learned a new word this week. Pentheraphobia is a fear of your mother-in-law. While I was never afraid of mine, I know people who cower at the mere mention of their mother-in-law’s name—and with good reason.

Mothers are a protective lot. Sometimes overly protective. If her Baby stops by, or calls to vent about a relationship problem with a spouse, whose side do you think Mommy is going to take?

The tension escalates when Baby’s spouse appears to be “a lazy, no good, worthless piece of horse dung.” To which the spouse responds by pointing out Mommy’s exceptional talent as “an overbearing, Nazi witch.” Now, the table is set for a long and resentful relationship.

Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our resident advice guru on Outlaw In-Laws is Jeanne Phillips Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF  Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright – C E Ayr

 

Detective Lowry’s phone hadn’t stopped ringing since the release of the murder victim’s name. Confessions poured in. At first only ten people admitted to the crime, but that number had passed twenty-five and was still growing each day.

It seems everyone who’d encountered the old Scot wanted to see him get his just deserves. According to Medical Examiner Gayer, the causes of death were drowning, strangulation, blunt trauma, knife wounds, and gunshots, among other things.

“This man truly died a thousand deaths,” Gayer said.

“It could’ve been worse.” Lowry shook his head. “At least he wasn’t trampled by pink pachyderms.”

 

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42 Comments on “Karma Bites II

  1. Dear Medical Examiner Gayer,

    Now you can’t pin this one on a single mime. She’s one of many who wanted to put an end to the rampaging Scot. I suspect that by the end of the week there will be another 25 or more confessions. Good luck solving that one Detective Lowry. (By the way, while you were investigating this crime, Shelley broke into your house and ripped off every do not remove tags. Eliza Jane isn’t much of a watch dog).

    As it stands now I’ve received at least 50 Dear Abby letters, ranging from inquiries on how to remove blood stains from pink elephants to which poison works better, cyanide or arsenic. My editor’s pulling her hair out.

    I understand the ME with a red nose. He keeps his patients entertained. I’ll end this blather now.

    Shalom,

    Jean Phillips W(T)F

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Jeanne Phillips W(T)F,

      Fortunately the dead are easily amused and don’t recoil at the sight of my nose.
      You’re right about Liza Jane not being much of a watchdog. In fact, she probably helped turn over the cushions to ensure Shelley didn’t miss a single tag. With a little face-paint, she could become a canine mine (how I shudder at the thought!).

      No need to thank me for the letters. I expect you’ll get more mail than Santa Claus. Of course, he only works one night a year.

      Best regards,
      Medical Examiner Gayer

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hah!
    He thought he could escape to France, but AnElephant never forgets.
    Or forgives.
    AnElephant’s proboscis is surprisingly adept at strangulation.
    I wouldn’t normally admit to this, but I know that no one reads this rubbish anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah, I suspected you’d return to the scene of the crime. Just wanted to get a few more kicks in on poor Mr. Ayr’s corpse, I suppose.
      Well, you’re not going to jail, and I doubt there’s a circus who would have you (other than FFF).
      You’re right, no one reads this rubbish anyway.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. What a great part II to Rochelle’s story! And I love that you brought in the pink elephant! Haven’t seen him in a long while. But we know the pachyderm, while pink, is a he… and the old Scot was definitely done in by a woman…

    Liked by 2 people

  4. he must have done something extraordinary to a lot of folks to be dispensed with in such fashion. i won’t be surprised if he qualifies for the guinness world of records. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. How did Medical Examiner Gayer miss the pink pachyderm pounding he also received? Who hired this guy? We need Quincy!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lowry usually hangs out with Detective Blockson, a large-nose Jewish guy from Philadelphia who can sniff out pink elephants wherever they hide. Quncy would be a downgrade from Blockson.

      Like

  6. Dear Medical Examiner Gayer,

    Is there no upper limit to the number of causes for a single death? Not that the person has to be a single… well, you know what I mean.

    Awaiting your expert response,
    Mags

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Mags,

      Generally, we try to pare down to a single cause for death certificate. This is an extraordinary case. I guess the best thing to do is put all the options in a hat and draw one for the records.

      Thanks for asking,
      Medical Examiner Gayer

      Liked by 1 person

  7. The pink pachyderms would never do that. That was fun. Murder on the Fictioneers’ Express.

    Like

  8. Russell,
    Not sure what to say to all of this, except that the cheque is in the mail. I’ll bbe nice to you all and live to write another day.
    Best wishes,
    Rowena

    Like

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Mandie Hines Author

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