sloshing the delaware

I read an interesting article this week about sidekicks. The job description of a sidekick involves laughing at jokes that aren’t funny and making the hero (or late-night host) appear smarter than they really are. The sidekick can also be the butt of the jokes, which is where the “kick” comes in.

After all these years of going it alone, I’ve decided to take on a sidekick. I know the hours are horrible and the pay is less than nothing, but if you’re up for the challenge just drop me a note in the comments. I’m sure the two of us could knock ’em dead doing a comedy tour at nursing homes and insane asylums.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the little firecracker, who in 1976 created the first American flag made entirely of beer pull-tabs is Betsy Ross Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

“If you’re looking for a bargain, I can make you a real deal on this baby.” The salesman pointed to the GMC Vandura.

“This is the van George Washington drove across the icy Delaware Bridge to make a beer run on Christmas Eve. According to Once-upon-a-time-epedia, the colonial troops were pissed because the taverns closed early and they had no ale to wash down their Christmas dinner of boiled socks and shoe leather. As you can see, there’s plenty of room in the back. It can haul twenty-five kegs.”

Wow, twenty-five kegs!” The teenager peered inside. “Who was George Washington?”

39 Comments on “sloshing the delaware

  1. You wash the dirt from my feet and polish the smudges from my windshield. I’ll take the muddy van. Can’t wait to drive it back home so my relatives can see what it’s like to live in Arkansas. Thanks for the humor, it is appreciated.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Velda. It’s great to hear from you. Make sure you’re still barefoot and in overalls when you pull into their driveway.

      Like

    • Here’ in the states, they are intent on altering history and leaving out all the unpleasant parts. I’m just doing my part to help educate kids.

      No! Never! The last thing I need is a mime running circles around my ankles.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. I had to smile, since, in British English, to be pissed is to be drunk. I imagined the British troops had got to the tavern early and drunk it dry. Also, who was George Washington?

    Like

    • That’s interesting and creates 2 perspectives on the story. They can either be drunk or angry, or perhaps drunk AND angry. 🙂
      Don’t know who the Washington fellow is, but anyone who’ll make a beer run on icy roads has my vote.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Paul (Not so) Revered,

    I laughed until I stopped. This sounds like the man on the street interviews Jimmy Kimmel does. They walk among us and they vote. My dad always told me George Washington Wisoff was the father of our country which was why we celebrate George Birthington’s Washday. (Is there any reason I turned out the way I did?)
    A mime would make a dandy sidekick, expecially when she kicks the side of your shin. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

    Shalom,

    Betsy Ross W(T)F

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Betsy Ross W(T)F,

      Birthington’s Washday makes a great holiday. I’m all for celebrations of any kind.
      I’ve watched several of the Kimmel street interviews and it’s indeed sad. We live in an age with information (and misinformation) at our fingertips and “fact checking” has become a dirty word.

      I cringed when I read Morgaine’s comment recommending a mime for a sidekick, knowing it would bring a response from you. I’d be better off with no sidekick and my shins would certainly be safer.

      Keeps those flags coming,
      Paul (Not so) Revered

      Like

  4. That kid’s got his eyes on the priorities! Thanks for the photo this week, Russell. I’m not auditioning for the sidekick role, but if you’re looking for an anti-hero, give me a call.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Many a truth said in jest and isn’t that just the way it is. some children here were asked where milk comes from and perhaps predictably the answer cam, ‘the supermarket.’

    Liked by 1 person

    • There was an idiot over here complaining about killing cows. “Why don’t people just get their beef from the grocery store?” She said. “That’s what I do.”

      Like

  6. Ha! Ha! Love this. The teen should have just looked up Washinton’s instagram feed to learn about the man. Best cherry farmer and a part time rapper like Abe Lincoln.

    Like

  7. Geez, and there I thought George Washington built the airports so the revolutionary troups could take them over. You people over there have a confoosing history.
    Great punchline, Russell.

    Liked by 1 person

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Mandie Hines Author

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