the unwelcome wagon

Today, we’re going to discuss magazines. Why is it you can’t go into a waiting room without seeing the never popular Good HousekeepingBetter Homes & Gardens, and Southern Living?

Hidden in the plethora of advertisements, you’ll find articles with photos of neatly manicured homes. This is obviously the work of hired professionals who design and create these little edens.

What we need is some “real world” alternatives such as Messy Housekeeper, Nasty Gnomes & Gargoyles, and Northern Getting By. Name a magazine you’d like to see.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, little entrepreneur who runs this enterprise is Sidewalk Selling Sally Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright – Roger Bultot

Two men and a woman stood on the front steps. 

Lowry opened the door. “Can I help you?”

“Yes,” the woman said. “We’re with Neighborhood Watch. Is Shelley home?”

“No, Ms. Kohlen isn’t here, and yes, everything is fine.” He flipped open his wallet and showed her his badge. 

Anguish spread across the woman’s face. “Oh no . . . what happened? Is she in trouble?”

“I can’t go into that. But I’m sure she appreciates your concern.”

Shoulders slumped, the committee exchanged whispers, and trudged away.

“Who was that?” Blockson asked.

“Welcome Wagon. And they didn’t even bring cookies.” 

28 Comments on “the unwelcome wagon

      • I apologize profusely for not commenting on the waitingnroom magazines. You’re right, of course. Hell I could have a spot in Unkempt and Overgrown” my story would be “Discover What Lies Behind the Weeds”. Think it would garner a read or two?

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Dear Harvey WingNUT,

    Personally I’d like to see MAD magazine in waiting room. The puzzles in Highlights are too difficult for me. Although MAD ain’t what it used to be. I grew up on it. I guess that explains a lot.
    I hope that Lowry and Blockson will have the decency to put the milk and cereal back where they belong. And they’d best keep their grubby fingers out of the whiteface makeup. There isn’t enough to cover Cy’s nose.

    See you on the sidewalk…come alone…bring cash…lots of it,

    Sidewalk Selling Sally W(T)F

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Sidewalk Selling Sally W(T)F,

      I was a fan of MAD and also loved National Lampoon. Loved Spy vs Spy and Lampoon had some great writers.
      You’re right about Blockson’s nose. It would take a 5 gallon bucket of whitewash to cover that proboscis.

      I can just hear you yelling like a carnival barker, “Get yer prints & notecards here. Buy one, get two for $70 more.

      Harvey WingNUT

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I hope there will be another installment of this intriguing mystery!
    I have been featured several times in both Messy Housekeeper and Gnasty Gnomes Magazines. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • I finally finished Criminal Mimes (it only took 5 years to write that epic saga). Hoping to turn it into a script. That should only take another 5 to 7 years if I hurry.

      Henri came to mind when I thought of the Gnasty Gnomes, although I find him pretty likable.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m going to pitch it to a few agents. If that doesn’t work, I’ll see if the indie publisher who did my other two books will publish “Mimes” as well.


  3. Hello. I live in Pennsylvania. I’m certain that if you create and publish Northern Getting By, it will be a smash hit. Well, at least one person would buy it . . . me! Take care. Neil S.


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