What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
the unwelcome wagon
Today, we’re going to discuss magazines. Why is it you can’t go into a waiting room without seeing the never popular Good Housekeeping, Better Homes & Gardens, and Southern Living?
Hidden in the plethora of advertisements, you’ll find articles with photos of neatly manicured homes. This is obviously the work of hired professionals who design and create these little edens.
What we need is some “real world” alternatives such as Messy Housekeeper, Nasty Gnomes & Gargoyles, and Northern Getting By. Name a magazine you’d like to see.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, little entrepreneur who runs this enterprise is Sidewalk Selling Sally Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Two men and a woman stood on the front steps.
Lowry opened the door. “Can I help you?”
“Yes,” the woman said. “We’re with Neighborhood Watch. Is Shelley home?”
“No, Ms. Kohlen isn’t here, and yes, everything is fine.” He flipped open his wallet and showed her his badge.
Anguish spread across the woman’s face. “Oh no . . . what happened? Is she in trouble?”
“I can’t go into that. But I’m sure she appreciates your concern.”
Shoulders slumped, the committee exchanged whispers, and trudged away.
“Who was that?” Blockson asked.
“Welcome Wagon. And they didn’t even bring cookies.”
28 Comments on “the unwelcome wagon”
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What's So Funny? 
Like a beginning to a thriller…
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Actually, it close to the end of a romantic comedy entitled Criminal Mimes. Glad you like it.
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Neighbourhood watch come with cookies where you are? Wow!
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Nah, they are usually bearing shotguns. Cookies would be nice, though.
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Neighbourhood watch… just a fancy name for Nosey!!
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Yep, Gladys Kravitz and friends.
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I apologize profusely for not commenting on the waitingnroom magazines. You’re right, of course. Hell I could have a spot in Unkempt and Overgrown” my story would be “Discover What Lies Behind the Weeds”. Think it would garner a read or two?
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Love the title of your Mag. A good article might be, “I Know What Weed You Killed Last Summer.”
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Dear Harvey WingNUT,
Personally I’d like to see MAD magazine in waiting room. The puzzles in Highlights are too difficult for me. Although MAD ain’t what it used to be. I grew up on it. I guess that explains a lot.
I hope that Lowry and Blockson will have the decency to put the milk and cereal back where they belong. And they’d best keep their grubby fingers out of the whiteface makeup. There isn’t enough to cover Cy’s nose.
See you on the sidewalk…come alone…bring cash…lots of it,
Sidewalk Selling Sally W(T)F
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Dear Sidewalk Selling Sally W(T)F,
I was a fan of MAD and also loved National Lampoon. Loved Spy vs Spy and Lampoon had some great writers.
You’re right about Blockson’s nose. It would take a 5 gallon bucket of whitewash to cover that proboscis.
I can just hear you yelling like a carnival barker, “Get yer prints & notecards here. Buy one, get two for $70 more.
Harvey WingNUT
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That’s actually Jan-Bob Barker-Fields you hear. 🖖🏻😎
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Now that’s FUNNY! I almost fell out of my chair laughing.
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What a cynical chap you are!
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Indeed. 🙂
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I hope there will be another installment of this intriguing mystery!
I have been featured several times in both Messy Housekeeper and Gnasty Gnomes Magazines. 😀
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I finally finished Criminal Mimes (it only took 5 years to write that epic saga). Hoping to turn it into a script. That should only take another 5 to 7 years if I hurry.
Henri came to mind when I thought of the Gnasty Gnomes, although I find him pretty likable.
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😀 That would be really cool! Are you also publishing it as a book?
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I’m going to pitch it to a few agents. If that doesn’t work, I’ll see if the indie publisher who did my other two books will publish “Mimes” as well.
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What? No cookies? Not very welcoming. Hope Ms. Kohlan’s okay. I think there should be a magazine called “Creative Clutter Ideas!”
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Shelley Kohlen is sitting in a jail cell at the time of this scene. She couldn’t keep her grubby little mime paws off of other people’s invisible box and Do-Not-Remove tags. Not to worry, she’ll be back on the street soon.
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Buahahahahahaha
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no more cookies? i guess it’s a different world we’re living now. we better get used to it. 🙂
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Yes, sadly, it is a different world today.
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No cookies, well that has spoilt the day, if only they knew how much we like cookies. It sort of breaks the ice and lowers the tension.
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True. Everything is better when guest show up with cookies.
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One way to get rid of those pesky meddlers. Nice one
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Nothing worse than nosy neighbors.
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Hello. I live in Pennsylvania. I’m certain that if you create and publish Northern Getting By, it will be a smash hit. Well, at least one person would buy it . . . me! Take care. Neil S.
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