Presidential Library

Last September, Connie and I had the great pleasure of visiting the Clinton Library in Little Rock, Arkansas. We spent a couple hours there and probably saw less than half of what there is to see. 

If you haven’t toured a Presidential Library, today’s your lucky day. Lean back in your fake-leather office chair and prepare to be amazed. You’re just a few short sentences away from experiencing the sights, sounds, and malignant odors of one of our lesser known Presidential Libraries, nestled in the sleepy, bedroom community of Havertown, PA.

For those new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Secret Service agent responsible for the safety and protection of our authors is the ever vigilant, Natasha Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. After which, scroll down to the blue In links critter and follow the links to other author’s blogs.

photo copyright Claire Fuller
photo copyright Claire Fuller

“Is that all there is?” she asked. “We paid twelve bucks a pop to see a bookcase of ‘Dick and Jane’ readers, some used coloring books, and two dozen worn out ABBA albums?”

“No, ma’am, there’s more downstairs,” said the tour guide. “The unicycle the president rode to his first inauguration, his juggling balls, and the kippah he wore when he took the oath of office.”

“I expected more from a President of the United States,” she huffed.

“His library is two blocks down the street, ma’am. This one belongs to the President of Havertown University.”

*this week I came in at 96 words, leaving 4 extra for my buddy, Perry Block

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37 thoughts on “Presidential Library

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sounds kind of like the gal who took off her clothes at the doctor’s office to be examined and he said he was a doctor of philosophy! I can just imagine a Jewish President whose mother would say, “My other one’s a doctor.”
    You did it, Russell! Always enjoyable reads.

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  2. Laughed out loud. Just terrific.
    One of the best Jewish mother jokes: Mother buys son two shirts and brings them home. Gives them to her son. Go try them on she says. Doesn’t matter which one he puts on first because she says upon seeing him with the first shirt, “What’s the matter you didn’t like the other one?”

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  3. Another bull’s eye Russell! This is the exact type of snafu my boss would make, but she wouldn’t ask questions while she was there. She’d just tell me what she encountered and that she thought it seemed odd. Then I’d do the research and discover what went wrong. Of course, the real idiot is me since she’s the one making dollars to my dimes.

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    1. You should petition Perry for an application. A degree from Havertown U. would look good on your resume. It would increase your wage earning potential from dimes to quarters. I hear their fine arts program (sponsored by Crayola) is one of the finest in the country.

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  4. Dear Russell: The University of Havertown is pleased to admit you to its freshman class for the fall 2013 semester. In fact, you are the freshman class for the fall 2013 semester. You will work closely with the President of the University in getting his library together, which will primarily consist of trying to find some books to include within it.

    Now to the matter of financial aid. We expect you to aid the President financially in every way possible, including giving him the shirt off your back should it go well with his coloring.

    Please confirm your acceptance by May 1 or we will have to give your spot to another student, and we’ll make sure she is way cuter than you! Sincerely, Perry Block, President of the University of Havertown (until the coppers catch on!)

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    1. I am honored to be the first non-Jewish student accepted by Havertown U. Let’s talk about supplies, must I buy my coloring books and crayons from the school supply store, or can I bring them from home? Sounds like I’ve got a good shot at graduating at the top of my class and being valedictorian.

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  5. Just how are you so funny, Russell?! Hahaha. I really enjoyed this. I didn’t Natasha was her name in charge of this group. Oh! Really funny and clever. That must have been cool to visit a Presidential Library. I haven’t managed that one yet.

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    1. Havertown comes highly recommended, even if the annual graduating class numbers less than one. I happen to know the President of the university reads this blog weekly and follows yours as well. You should give Havertown grads the first shot at any opening. I assure you they will be both slow and expensive.

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  6. What? He can ride a unicycle AND juggle, he’s brilliant. And if the coloring books reveal that he is able to color between the lines . . . I’m writing him in for President next election.

    Gosh I enjoyed this, Russell. You attract hilarious commeters too!

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