If You Can’t Stand the Heat . . .

On Tuesday I fulfilled my civic duty by serving on a jury in a civil trial. One party was suing another over medical expenses related to a vehicle accident. I was hoping go get some good writing material from this experience for a future story. Unfortunately, they kept repeating boring stuff like facts and details (which they referred to as evidence), while we jurors were forced to employ match sticks to keep our eyelids from slamming shut.

I did meet some interesting people and shamelessly promoted “The Perils of Heavy Thinking” to the rest of the jury. They looked at me like I was from another planet and rolled their eyes. But when the time came to elect a foreman, I was the only nominee. I found out later this was an act of self-preservation as unhappy litigants often kill the foreman first.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Hanging Judge who hates dangling participles is Chief Justice Bobbi Jo Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

 

copyright - Renee Heath
copyright – Renee Heath

Jake’s mother constantly warned him about the dangers of fire. She refused to let him go camping with other boys his age.

“Nothing good can come of it,” she said. “Those boys will poke you with a stick while sitting around a campfire.”

She really threw a hissy-fit when a neighbor girl invited him over to make Rice Krispy treats. “Of course she says you’re sweet and that she loves you,” said Mom. “She just wants your body.”

Tired of her overprotective ways, Jake Stay Puft attended a wedding reception. Unfortunately, Mom failed to warn him about fondue pots.

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For those of you who aren’t familiar with the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man here’s a picture.

staypuft

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40 Comments on “If You Can’t Stand the Heat . . .

  1. Funnn-eeey!! Had me fooled all the way, didn’t know where you were going. And now I want to eat marshmallows, especially the kind covered in dark chocolate! Please send Jake around.

    Like

  2. I can see the headlines now — “J.S. Puft Breaks His Silence” Ah, the life of a Ghostbuster. The fondue pots line was hysterical! Really a fun one today, Russell!

    Like

  3. Dear Big Jake,

    Suddenly I have a taste for s’mores. Nothing was better over a campfire than a charred marshmallow between two graham crackers and melted Hershey bars. YUM! Oh I’m sorry, I hope that didn’t upset you. But then for all the giggles you caused it’s only fair. 😉

    Shalom,

    CJ Bobbi Jo

    Like

  4. Two wonderful stories in one — before the photo and after it. I wonder if Rochelle looks looks forward to your introduction as much as I do each week 😀

    Like

  5. Russell, Hilarious again. XD I didn’t catch on until the last lines. Great story. XD Of course I suppose I should feel sorry about poor Jake. Sorry Jake. 😥

    Like

  6. I also did not catch on until the last lines. Wonderful story. Great use of humour. Loved it!

    Like

  7. Excellent! 🙂 I’ll be happy to get together with Rochelle for some roasted marshmallows, however, I never did like s’mores. Just give me a crispy-on-the-outside, gooey-on-the-inside blackened marshmallow and I can die happy.

    Like

  8. To be stuck in fondue is no laughing matter… Say cheese 😉 .. I cannot get the pictures from Asterix in Switzerland out of my head. A roman Fondue-orgy can be quite messy.

    Like

  9. I only knew that character from Ghostbusters. If I ever knew its name it went in the direction of all the algebra I failed to retain. Lucky for me that I read you for the vast educational component.

    Like

  10. This is terribly funny. You had me with “those boys will poke you with a stick.” Had no idea where it was headed. Thanks for a light-hearted story.

    Like

  11. Russel, this is a favorite; I truly laughed out lout! All the clever puns and wit; it’s brilliant! “She just likes you for your body,” man… I know how he feels! bahahah! 😉

    Like

  12. Ha ha! So funny! I want some marshmallows now. And I want to roast them over a campfire. I’m glad you survived your jury duty!

    Like

  13. Oh, rats, are my participles dangling again? I feel so exposed. Poor Jake, I would like to have met him. We could have enjoyed hot chocolate together.
    Yay for surviving court!

    Like

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