Saturday morning, I will be competing in the NWA Toastmasters Area Humor Speech Contest. Thankfully, I won’t be going up against Donald Trump. He was in top form Monday night. There were several occasions where the entire audience rocked with laughter, including Mrs. Clinton.

As I prepare for the contest, I keep asking myself, “What’s this guy got that I don’t have?” I mean, other than several billion dollars, a gorgeous wife half his age, and terrible hair. Is it his timing and delivery, or the utter ridiculousness of his words? To improve, I have been practicing my scowl, grimace, and other facial expressions in front of a mirror.

I’m sure my topic, “The Six Habits of Highly Effective Procrastinators,” will pale in comparison to his side-splitting approach on the use of nuclear weapons, racial issues, homegrown terrorism, and building a dome over America to keep out aliens from another galaxy.

If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, our moderator, who struggles to keep the authors on track by providing a weekly photo prompt is Ruth Gordon Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a booth in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Amy Reese
copyright – Amy Reese

Mr. Gayer, you’re probably wondering why we brought you here. Remember your post from last week?

You read it?

No, but word gets around. You’re a self-appointed expert in many fields and hold strong opinions in all others. We want you to join us.

And who is us?

THEY, the international intelligence agency known as the unquestionable authority of truth, keeper of factoids, and proverbial mill of rumor fame.

And if I refuse?

We offer the position to Perry Block.

You’ve read his blog?

No, but he’s always wanted to leave a scar on the butt-cheek of mankind.

Okay. You win. Where do I sign?



33 Comments on “Abducted

  1. I am always using quotes from THEM. Is THEM a subsidiary of THEY?
    Will there be a transcript of your speech? As a fairly successful procrastinator, I would like to read it; whenever I get around to it 🙂


    • THEY and THEM used to love each other like identical twins, but now they’re rivals. From what I hear, a THEY married one of THEM and didn’t invite the rest of THEM to the wedding reception. Now they feud like the Hatfields and McCoys.


    • Perry and I are up for awards as having the least read blogs in cyberworld. I think it’s called the Wasted Click.
      However, now that I’m a member of THEY all that will be changing. The word really will get around.


  2. Hilarious, Russell. I’d be careful about that THEY organization. It sounds alien. Of course, it could just be the group that’s always saying things to people. 😀 — Suzanne


  3. I used to quote what ‘they’ said and sometimes listened to ‘them’. Now I know better and will act accordingly–eventually. Thanks for the enlightenment. 😀


  4. Very funny, Russell. Watch out for THEY and whatever you do, stay away from THEM!!! Because I want you to keep writing your stories. 😊


  5. Dear Sid,

    My mother was fond of doing things a certain way and justifying it with ‘that’s how THEY do it.’ Or if I offered a suggestion she didn’t agree with it would be ‘THEY don’t do it that way.’ I always wondered who THEY were. Thank you for clarifying it for me. As for the hairstyle, all it takes is an egg beater and an electric fan. Follow that with egg white to keep that fashion statement stiff and stylish.




    • Dear Ruth,

      Thanks for the fashion tips. We at THEY want to look our best when setting rules as the ultimate authority on everything. I’m glad to hear your mother was fully onboard and did her best to try and raise you in accordance to the principles and practices laid down by THEY.

      Best regards,


  6. I’m betting that your list of highly effective tips for procrastinators was supposed to be longer, but you ran out of time. Probably no big deal, though. The procrastinators who could have most benefited from your pearls of wisdom probably didn’t show up or arrived to hear your closing (and undoubtedly hilarious) closing statements. 😉


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