Snow-Global Warming (or Fantasy Island)

“Silver bells, silver bells . . .” Okay, okay, I promise to stop singing if each of you will make a $5 donation to the charity of your choice. Otherwise you’ll be forced to listen to my stirring rendition of “Little Dumber Boy.” (You can imagine who that’s about)

Remember all the great variety show Christmas specials that used to be on TV? People like Andy Williams, Perry Como, Glen Campbell, and Fester Ledbelly? They’d sing all the yuletide classics until you thought you were going to puke. And who can forget Iron Butterfly’s “In a Godda Davinity?” Those were the days.

If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, our variety show host who makes every day a holiday, is Doris Day-O Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a booth in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Lucy Firkin
copyright – Lucy Fridkin

“Please, Dad,” begged Brandon. “Tell me again how you discovered global warming and saved the planet.”

“Well, son, I can’t take all the credit. Al Gore and I were being held captive by a tribe of scantily-clad Polynesian girls on a deserted island known as Hawaii. Every night, we were forced to drink Mai Tai and satisfy their lustful desires.

“While there, I invented the Internet and discovered snow-global warming. Al was able to escape and shared my discoveries with the world.”

Perry shook a snow-globe and sat it on the table.

“See, son. It’s melting.”

“Gee, Dad. You’re a genius.”


We should all be as fortunate as Brandon and have a hero like that to look up to.

On a side note, Al Gore had promised, if elected president, to appoint Mr. Block to a high-ranking position in the Department of Defense where he would have been known simply as Admiral Perry.

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45 thoughts on “Snow-Global Warming (or Fantasy Island)

  1. Dear Dear Fester Ledbelly,

    I do enjoy hysterical fiction. Of course we’re all grateful to Mr. Gore for inventing the internet. Thank you for shedding light on this much debated subject. Now I shall sign off and sing, “Come, Mista tally man, tally me banana. Daylight come and me wan’ go home…” (Thanks for planting that in my head.)

    Shalom,

    Doris Day-O

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    1. Dear Doris Day-O,
      I’m glad you got the connection to the Banana Boat Song. Perhaps we could find a cornucopia of fruit and you could do your Carmen Miranda version of this little ditty.
      Perry would be the first to tell you that he let Gore take credit for inventing the internet because he was simply too humble and modest to receive such accolades. He could care less about the money, it’s all about helping mankind.
      And if you believe that, I can make you a really good deal on a slightly used snow globe.

      Happy Holidays,
      Fester Ledbelly

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You two crack me up! I love the story, and always do, but reading the comments between Doris and Fester (or whoever for the week) is a giant perk! Now I’ve got Belafonte in my head too! Arrgh… you scallywags!

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  2. Since when did Doris Day-O become Carmen Miranda? Oh well …

    We’ll put Admiral Perry in the tutti fruity hat. If things don’t work out and he gets fired, he can live off the mangos in that chapeau for several hours. Not too many bananas, though. Those things can plug a leak for SURE in some people.

    Five out of five rhesus monkeys with organ grinders … or grinding their organs, who knows anyway???

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  3. hahaha Poor Al Gore will never be forgotten for that remark about the internet. Good thing Perry is an Admiral. When the polar ice caps melt and Hawaii is under the sea, he will be able to navigate to dry land 😉

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    1. There’s no telling what new inventions or discoveries he will have come up with by then. Perhaps he will be captured by an army of Amazon women or taken prisoner by a school of mermaids.

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      1. Hahahahaha! The Onion RULES! I try to stay away from TV news, though. I work in it, therefore, I don’t watch TV shows or listen to the radio. Too much media when you can get paid for eight hours of it.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. so the rumors are true, mr. gore didn’t invent the internet and the global warming hysteria came as a result of interaction with scantily-clad Polynesian girls that were too hot to handle. 🙂

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  5. Ahhhh … Andy Williams wearing his red sweater singing “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”.
    But, Bing Crosby was traditional when it came to thoughts of a “White Christmas”.
    My how things have changed. Of course, probably for the better. It’s more realistic today. Well enough … strolling down memory lane. 😳
    Cool story you’ve written, Russell. I like your style. Always giving us thoughtful humor with a touch to ponder.
    Have a wonderful weekend.
    Isadora 😎

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not sure I’m ready for “Reality Christmas Specials.” I suppose that would be angry, stressed our family members screaming at each other over trivial issues. Even though most of those variety shows were rather hokey, they were wholesome family entertainment with a few comedy skits sprinkled in.

      Thanks for your wonderful comment, Isadora. Best wishes to you as well.

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  6. Who needs snow if you can have coal? I’m telling you it’s all lies anyway. And that Santa thing? His coat is orange, not red, and he flies in a gold sled 757. He gives the greatest gifts to his friends. Dishonest media always report it wrong.

    Like

    1. That’s always a great comment to receive. A lot of visitor click “Like” and don’t comment. I don’t know if they’re bashful or just don’t want to invest the time. Personally, I enjoy reading and leaving a comment. It’s a large part of the fun at a blog party.

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  7. Sorry I just caught up with this one, but it is true that I did indeed invent the Internet. I also discovered climate change, invented snow globes, and gave birth to Al Gore. All in all, I’d call that a very successful life with the exception of the failure of my blog to attract any readers other than Russell Gayer. Anyway it is good that Brandon has a hero to look up. Unfortunately that hero is a member of Trump’s cabinet, which gives me pause. Department of Defense? Sounds good. I can use a LOT of defending, especially considering my table manners.

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    1. When it comes to inventing, Ben Franklin and Thomas Edison can’t hold an incandescent night-light to your contributions to humanity, Perry. Giving birth to Al Gore must have been painful, especially considering the size of his swollen head. Good thing you didn’t birth Trump.
      I still think dumping Blogspot and moving to WordPress or another provider would increase traffic. Otherwise, you’re always going to be in Chris Christie’s shadow, which covers most of the northern hemisphere.
      So what if you eat soup without using a spoon. A little tomato bisque on your beard will barely be noticed at the inaugural dinner.

      Like

    1. It set a new record here on Saturday with a high of 81F. Arkansas used to be a place where you could experience all four seasons, but the last two winters have been extremely mild.

      Thanks for stopping in and leaving a comment, Dina.

      Liked by 1 person

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