Some of you may not be aware of the wide array of Prank Gift Boxes available this holiday season. Best sellers include, Turn & Churn, a butter maker that bolts on to your car’s tire, Bacon-Scented Dryer Sheets, and the ever popular Ear Wax Candle Kit (shown below).
Too bad they didn’t ask me. I’m sure my line of Pre-Soiled Underwear gift boxes would’ve broken new sales records. Available in a variety of colors and styles, these fabulous unmentionables come straight from the factory with a yellow stain in the front and brown racing-stripe down the back. Scented options include; Pickled Eggs & Beer, Buzzard Breath, and Brown Bean Blowout.
If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, our infomercial host who makes buying gag gifts fun, is Veronica Popeil Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a booth in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
“Henry,” she barked. “Eat your gruel before it gets cold.”
He stared at the tasteless, gray matter before him.
“There are millions of starving children in this world who’d love to eat as well as you do.”
The gruel stared back—taunting him.
“After breakfast, chop a hole in the pond. Those horses need water. Feed the chickens, and bust some kindling up while you’re out there,” his mother ordered.
“C.E. is coming over today,” Henry mumbled.
“Humph. What’s that little, dried-up Scot want?”
“He’s going to help me with my chores. I hear he’s very good with an axe.”
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This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
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AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.
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