Russell Gayer, author speaker
If you’ve ever submitted an article or short story for publication, you’ve probably received a rejection letter or two. Most are quite brief and often an obvious form letter. Here’s how to respond.
Dear ______, Thank you for your letter rejecting my submission. I have received rejections from an unusually large number of popular publications. With such a wide and promising spectrum of rejections, it’s impossible for me to consider them all. After careful deliberation, and because a number of publications have found me more unsuitable, I regret to inform you that I’m unable to accept your rejection. However, circumstances do change and I will keep your letter on file in case my requirements for rejection change.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the editor in charge of word count is Sarah Josepha Hale Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
It had been a long, frustrating day.
Marvin’s talent for creating timeless melodies and unforgettable lyrics had garnered dozens of awards and led to worldwide fame. The walls of his studio were covered with gold records and plaques commemorating his success writing soundtracks for movies and television shows.
Why was he struggling so with this song?
The melody came easy. It was clever, catchy, and simplistic in nature.
Yet for some reason, he just couldn’t find the right word to complete the opening line.
Mary had a little fish
Mary had a little turtle
Mary had little poodle
Poetry, Horror, Psychological Thrillers
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This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
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And the worst things. And all that weird stuff in between.
I liked your rejection advice.
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Thank you, James. I’ve had a lot of experience with rejection.
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Alas, so have I.
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Dear Marvin,
I’m going to copy and print that rejection of rejection letter. Might be one of your best brain storms next to your tag removal alarm system. The letter is a great way to handle rejection. You might try Mary had a little roast beef and spam with toasted bread and Jam. Of course, in the end it’s your decision. Back to scrubbing the house for incoming out of town guests, who, no doubt will come sporting white mime gloves.
Shalom,
Sarah Josepha Hale W(T)F
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Dear Sarah Josepha Hale W(T)F,
In light of all the recent theivery, I’m thinking of starting Marvin’s Tag Security business offering 24 hour protection against mime home invasions. The monthly rate includes twelve artificial Do-Not-Remove tags to confuse any pilfering mime, and an All-Bran box descretly filled with Kellog’s Honey Smacks cereal (55,6% sugar).
Lowry did find a small white glove at a crime scene last week. There were purple stains on the glove that appear to be caused by red wine. No surprise there. Film at eleven.
Happy scrubbing,
Marvin
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Ha ha – great story. Thanks for entertaining me.
Oh, and I love your suggested reply to rejection letters. I might have to try that sometime!
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thanks, Susan. I’m glad you found it entertaining. Feel free to use the letter as needed.
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Perhaps Mary had a little wart on her bahookie?
Glad to help out, you know where to send my cheque.
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Well, fortunately it was a small wart. Still, everyone is clamoring to see it. No wonder she was so popular at school that day.
As for the cheque, do you spell C.E. with one T or two?
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Excellent rejection rejection letter… when I a ready to submit and receive my own share of rejection, I shall surely follow your lead.
As for the song…lemme see… Mary had a little horse, yes of course, yes of course…
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I think Pony is the word you’re looking for, Dale. Or perhaps it was a mule or donkey, but let’s play it safe and not call it an ass.
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Oh, is it? My bad… thought my rhyme worked… 😉
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It did work, Dale. Of course, of course, if only I had a horse.
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I’m definitely using that rejection letter. I hope you don’t mind if I print off 100 copies. And I can help with that song. Clearly it’s: “Mary had a lof spam. Her email box was really full…”
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You’ll probably only need a dozen or so copies. I’m confident the majority of your submissions will be accepted.
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Gosh! Thank you. Any chance you could ship some of that confidence out in a bottle?
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I loooove that rejection letter! It’s pitch perfect! Fancy being my PA, sending those out to all the publications that consider rejecting me? And may I suggest Marvin go with Moose? 🙂
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I can’t see you getting rejection letters, Lynn. Your writing is so smooth and descriptive–soft and creamy as butter.
As for the lyrics, Moose sounds like something the Canuck would say. We have to be careful about copyright infringement, especially when dealing with Canadians.
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Ah, thank you Russell, though of course I get as many rejections as the next writer – more rejections than acceptances, sadly, but such is the way of things.
And you’re right, you have to watch out for those Canadians – troublesome bunch 🙂
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Currently awaiting the latest flurry of rejection letters to flood in. I shall be copying and pasting your response. As for Mary, an invisible box perhaps?
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Excellent idea, Iain. The operative word in that song lyric is HAD. She HAD an invisibe box until that naughty mime, Shelley, stole it. Poor Mary. Where’s detective Lowry when you need him?
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Sigh. I thought the rejection letter was your post for the pic. Oh well…lol
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I’m running a two for the price of one special this week. No extra charge for the real post.
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A great rejection letter — but I wonder if it would get past the gatekeeper?
A person just needs the right attitude. In the book, The Rejected Writers Book Club, the recipients of rejection letters threw a party for every one that arrived. (It was hilarious, by the way.)
Mary had a little mime might work. But it might irk, too. 😉
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Oh, I love it Christine. Perhaps I work that into my novella.
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“Mary had an orange President, and then they chucked him out.” A girl can be hopeful, can’t she?
I have not been submitting for fear of rejection letters but with a rejection of rejection letter like yours, I think I will be iron-clad against rejection. Thanks Russell 🙂
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I like you attitude, Joy. “Chuck him out, chuck him out.”
With this letter, at least you can be picky about which rejections you accept.
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‘Which rejections you accept’ sounds like a likable oxymoron 😀
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You have rejection off to a fine art. You should give lessons. There was something therapeutic about reading that.
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Thank you, Sandra. I’ve been rejected by some of the best (and worst) publications out there.
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Reminds me of the soft drinks manufacturer who started at OneUp and stopped at 6Up.
I might copy and paste your rejection rejection letter.
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Feel free to use the letter as you see fit.
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Mary had a little. . .problem 🙂
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Oooo…let’s hope it wasn’t caused by her boyfriend.
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Well, I hadn’t thought of THAT!
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Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
Another double story to cheer our day from that master of humor, Russell Gayer. If you like this short piece, just go to the top of the blog and click on BOOKS to see what else is waiting.
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Thanks once more, Suzanne. I appreciate you sharing humor with the world.
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You’re most welcome, Russell. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Ha, ha. I bet that hits them right between the eyes, Russell. Sending that you’d be more than famous. You’d be infamous. They’d never forget you. 😀 — Suzanne
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Yeah, I’d probably make the black-balled for life list. 🙂
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😀
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I love the rejection letter! A very novel idea 😉 Poor Marvin! I see a rejection letter in his future. 😀
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Perhaps Mary had a little garden gnome.
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Perfect! 🙂
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I hate it when “that perfect word” just won’t rise to the top. I’m sure Marvin will figure it out. Perhaps he’ll read this post and sift through the many excellent ideas.
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Let’s hope so. Sometimes throwing it out there and getting some fresh ideas can get a writer off high-center. The folks in my writers group have saved my bacon many times with their great suggestions.
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LOL…perfect!
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Mary Mary was quite contrary and became a gardener. I believe.
Click to read my FriFic tale
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with silver bells and cocker shells, and all that, right?
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…not forgetting the pretty maids!
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Love your rejection rejection letter, and Marvin’s dilemma. Perhaps he’s trying too hard. Maybe he should go away and write another blockbuster film score before coming back to this one 🙂
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I agree. Sometimes we overthink things. Keep It Simple Stupid is my motto.
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This Mary, is it the contrary one or the bloody one? I can’t keep up with them all but crocodile should cover both of them, Mary had a little crocodile, it’s teeth were in the sharp style, and everywhere Mary went, it caused carnage for mile after mile.
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I think she is both contrary and the bloody one. I love fractured fairy tales. Your version would make a good horror movie.
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I’d go with poodle. 🙂
Hey, at least you can get a form letter back. Some of the places I’ve submitted expect you to assume you were rejected unless called.
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I’ve gotten no response a few times also. I guess they are afraid of getting their rejection letter rejected.
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rejection hurts, but i guess it serves a purpose. i remember applying for the same position like 30 times and still didn’t get it. funny thing, i found a better one. 🙂
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I suppose. When I was young, I was rejected by a good number of beautiful young women. Finally, Connie agreed to take me on as a project. That was 44 years ago and she continues to put up with me. I doubt any of those other women would have been that tolerant.
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Ha! Wonderful. And your rejection advice is spot on.
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Thank you, Ellie. And thanks for reading and leaving a comment.
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I’m going to shamelessly plagiarize your rejection letter and put it to good use.
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Go for it. I shamelessly plagiarized it from someone else.
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Could relate to this. We all have those days! 🙂
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Indeed we do, Lisa.
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Fun stuff. Clever rejection letter. Wouldn’t it be fun to have a camera ready when someone read that?
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Yes. I’m sure that would make quite a video.
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It’s the little things that’ll get you every time (haha). I enjoyed your story immensely but I especially got a chuckle from your rejection letter! Rejection hurts but it’s better to laugh than cry? =)
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Yes, always better to laugh. Rejection letters are an unfortunatel part of of being a writer.
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Writers block … he needs a lexicon of rhymes I think… I will remember your rejection response.
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Thank, Bjorn.
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I’d start again if I were him. The concept of those lyrics is very woolly.
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Ewe. Wooly indeed.
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It all goes to show that perseverance is THE most important characteristic of a successful writer. 🙂 Loved this, Russell!
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Well said, Jan. We’ve got to keep our butt in the chair as Dusty would say.
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