Habit #3 – The Medical Exemption

During your school days, how many of you went on a fieldtrip in a big, yellow bus? Personally, I loved being free from the confines of the classroom for a few hours. It was always adventure. On an *FFA trip one my buddies got sick from smoking a big, green cigar he’d snuck on the bus. He spewed puke across four seats—with an hour ride still ahead of us.

Another memorable trip was a tenth grade biology trip to the sewer plant (no, we weren’t greeted by Ed Norton). We toured the entire facility and saw first-hand how raw sewage is processed. The solids were dumped in mountainous mounds across a large field. The most important thing I learned from that trip, was how to spread it around.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the bus driver on this fieldtrip of 100 word adventures is Ralphetta Kramden Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright – Nathan Sowers via Dawn Miller

Failing body parts and malfunctioning organs are the heavy artillery in the Master Procrastinator’s arsenal. Not only is it unethical to force a person to perform a task which might further aggravate an injury, it’s also grounds for a lawsuit.

To help sell the medical exemption, I recommend practicing your grimace and other facial expressions of pain and agony in front of a mirror daily. It doesn’t hurt to work on your vocal tones either. The last thing you want to do is come across as whiny or pitiful, both of which kill any sympathy you may have accrued.


*Future Farmers of America

-The above is an excerpt from “The SevenSix Habits of Highly Effective Procrastinators.” This helpful essay and more can be found in One Idiot Short of a Village, which can be ordered by clicking on the cover (found on your right), or by emailing the author.

 

 

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50 Comments on “Habit #3 – The Medical Exemption

  1. Dear Boxley Hairloom,

    I see that you’ve proven your point as a Highly Effective Procrastinator by showing up late this week putting you at #63 on in the Hollywood Square.
    As a mime I’m pretty good at facial expressions and I can really get my grimace on. That being said, please go to the back of the bus or it’s to da moon. Your whoopee cushion is not allowed on board or it will be keeping company with your joy buzzer.

    Shalom and keep your hands inside the bus,

    Raphetta Kramden W(T)F

    Liked by 3 people

    • Dear Ralphetta Kramden W(T)F,

      I confess, I didn’t get up a midnight on Wednesday to post a Friday story. No one will ever accuse me of being an over-acheiver. After all, I’m still chasing my dream of mediocrity.
      Actually, I like being at the back of the bus. That keeps the action in front of me and gives me plenty of room to ponder my next fantastic adventure.

      Keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel, Ralphie
      Boxley Hairloom

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Eeuuuwwww… makes for a long bus ride, that’s for sure!

    And, I doubt many mothers would fall for that pitiful attempt at getting out of doing anything she asked you to…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
    Another free double feature from the witty brain of a great storyteller. If you want more of this humorous entertainment, Russell has made it easy for you. Just slip over the right of the blog and click on the cover of one (or both) of his books. If you want to help him even more, you can reblog this post again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Suzanne. I appreciate it. Hopefully some readers will find all the Habits of Highly Effective Procrastinators useful in the daily life.

      Like

  4. Both those field trips you described had lively fragrances attached, Russell. I pity anyone who lived downwind of the sewer plant. I’d also guess the land value was a bit less. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Interesting field trips … puke and pooh! The yellow school bus reminded me of the 70’s when my older brother and his friends saved and bought an old one, gutted it, painted it, and rode around to gigs for their band. I was a bit of a groupie and felt so cool and privileged to ride in it; though, it smelled suspiciously like puke most of the time (thankfully not like pooh). =)

    Liked by 2 people

  6. you are so funny and I look forward to checking out more of your work.
    and here – I just would have added one word.

    any sympathy

    to
    any “respectable” sympathy


    but it works exactly the way your wrote it

    Liked by 1 person

  7. The field trip sounds like a poor alternative to the classroom, although I do remember re-decorating the music room myself in third year at junior school. You should meet my husband if you want lessons in procrastination – the constantly refilling toilet is his masterpiece.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You were a junior for three years? WOW! I’m impressed. I wasn’t in a hurry to graduate, but I didn’t put it off that long. Congratulations on a stunning achievement.

      Like

  8. I think I see how you can use those tricks to get away from the sewage plant and puke on the bus… no you have to do it just right to get sympathy…
    I recommend limping in a subtle way…. and then say you might be able to make it, and you are so sorry asking for support…

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Ooh, you managed to get both vomit and a huge pile of human waste into your intro – a first for anyone, surely! 🙂 As we age, the main thing we need to practice in the mirror is smiling – decades of gravity make as all look like a sad clown!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Lynn. You’d think I’d earn some type of reward or medal for getting two vile things in my intro, but so far the Queen hasn’t offered to knight me.
      I’ve tried practicing smiling, but it doesn’t get me out of work. But then again, neither does looking pitiful. I’m afraid Connie is onto all my tricks.

      Liked by 1 person

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