Wheel of Misfortune

Deer season opened here last Saturday. The first two days went as planned, then on Monday, Local Wildlife Union #413 called for a walkout. Deer set up a picket line in my backyard and began demanding shorter hours and holiday pay for Thanksgiving.

The timing of the strike caught the AGF (Arkansas Game & fish) off guard and threatened to end the season prematurely. Several hunting camps have sided with the deer in urging the AGF to settle quickly. However, if they give in to the deer, it’s likely the rabbits, squirrel, and waterfowl will soon follow suit.

My recommendation is to break the strike by bringing in “replacement deer” from surrounding states. Mississippi, in particular, has a good number of well-qualified deer who are dying to cross the border. Arkansas deer have threatened to file suit, but this is a Red State, which gives them about as much chance of winning as a fart in a whirlwind.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our Game Warden, who strictly enforces the 100-word regulations, is Ranger Rocky Raccoon Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

 

copyright – Whatshername Wisoff-Fields

Dewayne had a God-given talent for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. As a youth, the sports teams he played on would often be ahead by as many as ten points with a minute to play, and find a way to lose—thanks to Dewayne.

The same held true when it came to romance and business. He’d filed almost as many bankruptcies and divorces as Donald Trump.

Overlooking his latest real estate acquisition, Dewayne envisioned couples lining up in droves to float through his Tunnel of Love.

Too bad it was downstream from the sewer plant.

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37 Comments on “Wheel of Misfortune

  1. Dear Dewayne,

    Dare I say this story truly stinks? But in a good way of course.

    Once upon a time, a group of ladies I worked with and I formed a bowling team. I even had a purple ball. We called ourselves the CWC (Catty Women’s Club…given to us by another employee of the male persuasion). We prided ourselves on holding the last place position in the league. Everyone wanted to play against us. 😉

    Please be careful with firearms. See you tomorrow.

    Shalom,

    Ranger Rocky Raccoon W(T)F

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Rocky Raccoon W(T)F,

      Catty Women’s Club sounds like a great name for any club that would have you for a member. I too was on a bowling team that did very poorly, and a basketball team that failed to win a single game, so I am an expert on being in last place.

      Perhaps you and Jan would enjoy a gondola ride through the Tunnel of Love. Once you get over the smell, you have it licked.

      Happy Rowing,
      Dewayne

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Like Trump though, I’m sure he’ll manage to b*llsh*t his way out of it. Glad the animals have finally unionised, about time, although the current trend for Veganism is going to put a lot of them out of jobs soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I’m sure Dewayne will come through the whole real estate ordeal smelling like a skunk.
      As a carnivore, I’m not too worried about veganism, especially here in the South. Our motto is “if its brown it’s down.” I refuse to refer to “replacement deer” as “scabs” even though they’re crossing picket lines to pick up free corn.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Dewayne got a heck of deal on this piece of property. Those real estate agents can be smooth talkers. If the Tunnel of Love doesn’t work out, maybe he can grow mutant fish for a foreign market.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanksgiving they should have off… they aren’t turkeys, yanno!
    I’m thinking you should entice DJT to take a cruise into the tunnel of love and then barricade it…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dewayne certainly has judgement issue. He ends up making wrong call as it can be understood from his love tunnel real estate plan beside a sewer plant.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Deer (sic) Trigger-happy Yank, I am shocked and appalled at your piece on Deer Season. Are these damn deer communists? Don’t they realise that waiting around until good honest murderin’ rednecks want to slaughter them is their raison d’être? Hell in a hand-cart, that’s where the country is goin’. Dang, dang, and thrice dang.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your comment is spot on, C.E. It’s a rare day in Hades when one of my post gets 3 dangs.
      The thieving deer spend all summer eating crops, destroying flower beds, and damaging automobiles, then get real uppity and start making outrageous demands when hunting season comes. Thrice dang their furry hides.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. As always, your story made me laugh.

    And I’d be more than glad to send some Pennsylvania deer to Arkansas. Too many of them are dying to get across the road. Literally. This is road-kill season up here.

    Like

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