What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
The Invisible Box – part III
My driver’s license expired last week. In October, Arkansas began offering so-called “enhanced driver licenses” to bring the state in line with federal Real ID Act standards. By 2020 a Real ID card will be required to board commercial airplanes or enter federal facilities.
I was relieved to discover that getting the “enhanced” version was not going to require a surgical procedure to enlarge any part of my anatomy. I would be required however, to provide up to eighteen documents verifying my existence as a result of live birth (rather than divine creation ~ i.e., God’s gift to women).
The process was zipping along at the pace of a snail crawling through a molasses bog until we got to the part where they take your picture. Evidently, the customer ahead of me was a Perry Block look-a-like, causing both the camera and ID printer to crash. After giving the equipment repeated CPR and a cold shower, the DVM personnel were finally able to issue me a Real ID.
If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, the photo archiver who issues fresh prompts each week, is Mattie Brady Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a booth in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
“What’s behind the door, Ma’am?” asked Detective Lowry.
“Oh, just This, That, and Sometimes the Other,” replied the Bobster. “Why do you ask?”
“I’m following up on an investigation. Would you mind opening it for me?”
“Sure. Please Say Kaddish for Me.”
“Huh?” Her response caught Lowry off guard. “Okay, I’ll play along. Kaddish.”
“See that wasn’t so hard.” She flashed an impish grin. Unlocking the chains, she swung the door open.
Inside, he discovered a beret, a purple mime outfit, and a tube of face paint. “Where did these come from?” he asked.
“From Silt and Ashes, of course,” she replied.
Mattie “Bubster” Brady, author of the books mentioned above.
48 Comments on “The Invisible Box – part III”
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What's So Funny? 
Dear Detective Lowry,
There’s something vaguely familiar about this dialogue. I can’t quite put my white-gloved finger on it, but it’s definitely this, that or the other…well sometimes. Fortunately, you’re very much alive so I don’t have to say Kaddish for you. As for the story, you might consider burying it under the silt and ashes. Yeah, this made me chortle, chuckle, giggle and laugh.
Shalom,
Mattie Bubster Brady
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Dear Mattie “Bubster” Brady,
You are quite elusive, jet-setting all over the nation doing radio interviews and book signing. Fortunately, you leave a long string of clues which make you easily tracked. Now, if you’ll just hand over the invisible box, we’ll let you off with just a warning–THIS TIME.
Detective Lowry
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Sooo…. how much did Bubster pay you for this one? C’mon fess up!!
That was a hoot and a half, that’s for sure!
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Are you suggesting that I, a blogster detective, would be willing to accept bribes to promote someone’s books? Why, that’s ridiculous. I only accept payment to NOT tell what I know.
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Ahhh… my bad. Don’t know what I was thinking…😉
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No, she’s not.
As for the rest of us, however …
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Interesting way of writing, if you just say Kaddish for me I will give you 10 out of 10.
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I would gladly to that. Thanks for commenting on my attempt to promote the mime’s books.
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The local police just announced a BOLO for a mime without clothes! 🙂
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Ouch then she’d be in red face instead of white. 😯
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I’m sure the mime had clothes on, they were just invisible.
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Excellent piece – thoroughly enjoyed it.
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Thank you, Dahlia.
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Very clever. She scrubs up well, doesn’t she?
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Yes, she does.
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This is the perfect reply for the prompt. Hehehe. But then, as one must, one can. 😉
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Ha ha ha . . . excellent response, Gabi.
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Great response, Gabi! Detective Lowry missed that one. He he.
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I have my moments. 😉
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The detective must be getting sloppy in his old age.
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Funny as all get out. I laughed until I stopped.
Brother, you squeezed out every drop from that purple story.
And it IS a nice gesture, really. Only thing not purple is the crisp writing. 100 words is good, huh?
Five out of five “Theese Eez Heppy Tyme!” (“Mattie” will know about this line)
I would have used the more appropriate “Screaming Yellow Zonkers,” but they’re not purple.
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Thank you for staying true to the color, Kent. We know how much that means to her.
I appreciate the five “Heppy Tymes.”
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😀
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Laugh?
I almost did.
A novel approach to the prompt, sir.
I trust that the Detective booked the miscreant at the end, authorwise what is the point of the story?
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Absolutely. In a related story, her lawyer has filed a suit on her behalf demanding purple jail clothing. Right now she’s being held in solitary confinement inside an invisible box.
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This is an awesome tribute to Rochelle but I can’t get the divine creation line out of my head long enough to be able to hear the rest of the story. I’m gonna have to come back….
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You’re the first to comment on the intro. I expected someone would have heckled me about that line sooner. 🙂 Thanks for reading the fine print.
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It literally made me LOL
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this is starting to get very interesting. i’m looking forward to part iv. 🙂
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Me too, but we’ll see if it happens. It all depends on the photo prompts (clues).
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Very amusing, thank-you
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Thank you, Michael.
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God’s gift to women. Hmm. Despite that your story was very creative, and a nice tribute to Rochelle.
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I was able to provide a certificate of live birth, which means I didn’t qualify for the divine creation status. Glad you enjoyed the tribute.
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I think that’s what to be expected behind a purple door… Very funny,.
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my thoughts exactly.
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nice post
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I’m glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading & commenting.
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Ha! You captured a lot of fun in this invisible box. Cheers!
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Thanks, Alicia. I’ve been milking it for all it’s worth.
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Pretty sneaky, Russell. Also, it’s hilarious and good writing. 😀 — Suzanne
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Thank you, Suzanne. I hope you enjoyed the photo of the mime. She’s a hoot.
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Very clever, Russell, and as usual very funny. I’m loving the invisible box saga. I hope it continues a while longer. I’m glad you’ve been declared a real, living person – it might be disconcerting posting stories up on Friday Fictioneers alongside a divine creation.
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Well, you can relax, Margaret. I have a naval, which is proof of human birth, although God and the devil have been fighting over me ever since.
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Hahaha. Love, love, love!! This was great. Oh, did you guys coordinate with that picture. It’s perfect. What a nice little tribute for our host. Very well done, Russell. Sorry, I’ve been absent. Just hanging by a thread. I’ve missed your stories.
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Har Har! Very nice.
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UGH.. a real ID. Does that mean we can’t go to the post office even???
You live in Arkansas also? Like so many have asked me, ” How the hell did you wind up there ???” How did you? LOL…
I can relate to the stupid documents. I was born in Texas. Moved to Florida for several years. Then HE wants to move back to Texas. OK…SO, I go to get my drivers license. Wow…it’s like entering a new stupid country. Dammit i was born there.
I see a room full of people who cannot speak a lick of english…yep you guessed it. Here they are sitting there being told everything..answers, blah blah blah and the list goes on. AND..the people at the counter ask me for EVERY divorce and marriage papers? Um, excuse me…i said..” do they have all theirs?” and their birth certs too? You can bet your sweet butt they did not.
By then, I was getting livid. I told them I WAS BORN in this dumb state. Then told them what i thought about it. Finally, I caught myself. GEEZE. i was fixing to blow a cork. Their eyes were getting bigger i noticed.
I proceeded to tell them…. HAVE your state or whatever you want to call it. And then i left pretty soon after that.
Documents. Yeah that.
Sorry..lol..you took me down memory lane again. 😉
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nice post
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