Earlier this week, I did one of those Cologuard tests where you poop in a bowl and send it to a laboratory to screen for signs of cancer in your colon. The test is incredibly easy for the contributor, but probably not so pleasant for the lab tech on the receiving end.
After dropping off my sample at the UPS Store, I thought about all the other people I could mail my turds to. Wouldn’t if be fun to enclose one in a candy wrapper labeled Baby Donald and mail it to Mar-a-Lago? As a sentiment of my regards for the recipient, I would include a note saying “This is the best tasting candy bar ever. Goes great with Diet Coke and is guaranteed to take four strokes off your golf score.”
Who would you like to mail one to?
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our resident authority on historical hemorrhoids is Dr. Rudy Prodder Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Connie surveyed the wide array of odd looking items at the Asian market, then stepped up to the counter.
“What you like?” the clerk asked.
“Give me a dozen pig eyes and two pounds of lizard legs.”
“Is that all?”
“No, I’ll take one of those monkey brains—and eight ounce of shaved serpent, if you have it.”
The clerk dipped her hand in a bowl of grey matter and plopped a handful on the scale.
“Makin’ a special dish for husband?” she asked.
“No, for my granddaughter, Erika. She bet me twenty dollars I couldn’t scare her on Halloween.”
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Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
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