Parts is Parts

Earlier this week, I did one of those Cologuard tests where you poop in a bowl and send it to a laboratory to screen for signs of cancer in your colon. The test is incredibly easy for the contributor, but probably not so pleasant for the lab tech on the receiving end.

After dropping off my sample at the UPS Store, I thought about all the other people I could mail my turds to. Wouldn’t if be fun to enclose one in a candy wrapper labeled Baby Donald and mail it to Mar-a-Lago? As a sentiment of my regards for the recipient, I would include a note saying “This is the best tasting candy bar ever. Goes great with Diet Coke and is guaranteed to take four strokes off your golf score.”

Who would you like to mail one to?

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our resident authority on historical hemorrhoids is Dr. Rudy Prodder Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright – Brenda Cox

Connie surveyed the wide array of odd looking items at the Asian market, then stepped up to the counter.

“What you like?” the clerk asked.

“Give me a dozen pig eyes and two pounds of lizard legs.”

“Is that all?”

“No, I’ll take one of those monkey brains—and eight ounce of shaved serpent, if you have it.”

The clerk dipped her hand in a bowl of grey matter and plopped a handful on the scale.

“Makin’ a special dish for husband?” she asked.

“No, for my granddaughter, Erika. She bet me twenty dollars I couldn’t scare her on Halloween.”

37 Comments on “Parts is Parts

  1. Dear Pappy Yokum,

    Another movie heard from. Yeah memorable scene from Caddy Shack. Have you and Bill Reynolds been comparing celluloid notes this week?
    I did the talking box poop checker last year. Standing in line at UPS I’m thinking it’s pretty obviuous what the illustrated box contains. I’m sure I turned red under my whiteface. Thank you for the great gift ideas.

    As for the menu for Halloween, I’m sure Connie the maven of happy Halloweening can help you whomp up something slimey for Erika. With you two for grandparents I’m sure it’s difficult to scare her. I’ll be listening for the screams.

    Sorry to have missed last year’s celebrations.

    Shalom,

    Dr. Rudy Prodder W(T)F

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dear Doc Prodder W(T)F,

      Bowel movements are nothing to sneeze at. In fact, they’re almost as good as an orgasm and you can have more than one a day if your system is so inspired.

      Corbin and Lilly are easily frightened, but it takes a lot more to put the fear in Erika. I’m sure you’ve seen Connie’s creatures on Facebook. Those screams will probably be from me.

      Pappy Yokum

      Like

    • Yes, the kid’s party should definitely be frightening. Even if Erika is scared, she won’t admit it. The soundtrack for the swamp is enough to my my skin crawl.

      Like

    • Great suggest. Ted Cruz is certainly deserving. If I signed the note Donald Trump, Ted would quickly devour it and proclaim it was the best candy bar he’d ever tasted.

      Liked by 2 people

      • yes, indeed. after trump insulted his wife and insinuated that his father was connected to the jfk assassination and did nothing about it, he would do it in a heartbeat.

        Like

  2. Oh, this plan should work perfectly. I’d say nice one, but I do not eat brains.
    And no, we have not conspired.
    As for Ted C., would prefer other forms of crap. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh lordy… your intros… I’m up at the end of the month; I’ll be nice and not keep you posted.
    As for scaring Erika, methinks Connie has a slight chance. I’ve seen her ghoulish creations – then again, they are not for consumption so it’s a whole ‘nother ballgame!

    Like

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